Your Home for Toy News and Action Figure Discussion!

Make My Marvel! – Dark Reign

This week’s article has that Nu Marvel smell.

Or, is that burning polysytrene?  I can never tell.

Make My Marvel! – Dark Reign


Okay.  Dark Reign, for those who don’t know, is the latest chapter in Marvel’s all-encompassing sextology (as in "six", though sextology is a valid and respectable branch of the -tologies).  Following the threats of magic-induced pms, superhero in-fighting, alien invasion and green-tinged roid rage, the mentally-deficient denizens of the Marvel U have place Norman Osborn in charge of the world’s safety.  Now, Osborn, along with a mix of villains and un-reformed anti-heroes, are running things.  With this week’s article, I’m focusing on the some of the (as yet un-made) movers and shakers of this year’s clusterfark.

Irredeemable Ant-Man


Eric O’Grady is the second-scummiest individual to call himself ant-man (sorry, Hank, wife-beating still gets you the prize).  While Eric hasn’t yet taken to beating a significant other, he has used the prototype ant-man suit to steal, peep, frame and get himself some action.  Hold on.  There was the using his friend’s recent to death to get into the deceased’s girl’s pants, getting her pregnant and taking off.  Hank may have some competition after all.  Eric was on the run from SHIELD, but now works as a part of Osborn’s personal Thunderbolts black ops unit.

The Hood

Parker Robbins was a common thug who stumbled upon a demonc ritual that netted him both a snazzy red cloak and possession by a Nisanti Demon.  Parker has quickly risen to power following several run-ins with some of Marvel’s biggest heroes and villains, namely murdering the Owl, terrorizing Tigra and shooting off Wolverine’s pecker (Marvel: wear a cup!).  Now, Parker has gathered most of the M.U.’s mort villain population into a surprisingly threatening army.  Penises beware!




Following the acquisition of his alien armor, Gauntlet became drill instructor to the Initiative’s recruits in Stamford Connecticut.  His tough-as-nails methods and unfortunate habit of slandering the New Warriors earned him a near-fatal beating at the hands of (unknown to everyone) Slapstick.  Gauntlet’s plans are pending the fallout from the Secret Invasion and alien agenda involving the Initiative itself.


Hisako Ichiki was one of the many new mutants in training at the Xavier Instittute prior to the events of M-day.  Following the mass de-mutanting of the X-men’s junior ranks and her inadvertant inclusion on the team’s trip to the Breakworld, Hisako has taken the codename Armor and is currently on the Astonishing team’s roster.  Well, at least until the next new writer comes in, brings back Kitty, and then replaces her with yet another Shadowcat stand-in.



 The new himbo of Marvel’s next generation of heroes, Elixir was originally one of Donald Pierce’s Reavers.  When he discovered that he had the abillity to instantly heal himself and others, Elixir was disowned by his parents and sought refuge at the Xavier Instittute.  While in training, he put the moves on several of his fellow students as well as his instructor, Wolfsbane.  Following an attack by William Stryker’s Purifiers that left many of the other students dead, Elixir lashed out, killing Stryker himself.  Elixir has since joined the X-Men’s black ops unit X-Force out of necessity.  When not posting wood for she-Wolverine, Elixir spends his time putting tumors in heads and otherwise healing the Vanisher whenever the team’s blown off steam by maiming the former villain.



Thomas Shepherd, along with his twin Wiccan, were created by the Scarlet Witch following M-Day.  Both boys were Wanda’s subconscious attempt at recreating the two children she’d thought she’d had with the Vision and had lost years prior.  The two were raised by separate families, each unaware of the other’s existence until Thomas’ run-in with the Young Avengers.  Thomas has since joined the team, having taken the codename Speed, and now spends his time as a stone statue.


Mutant Zero


A super-powered, mentally unstable redhead… in a Marvel book?  No!  Mutant Zero is just that, as well as being a telekentic, pyrokinetic, magical teleporting, blade-weilding ninja.  That is not made up fan-wank, either.  Mutant Zero is a member of Henry Gyrich’s Shadow Initiative, can only be activated once per mission before having to return to the Zero Room and her identity is sooper duper special secret.  It’s since been revealed, and was semi-obvious.  If you just have to know, it Wolverine…. in a wig and drag.  They had to have some reason to put him in another book.

Iron Patriot

Big daddy Dark Reign himelf.  Norman Osborn thrust himself into the spotlight (wear a bag, kids) by killing the Skrull Queen on worlwide television.  Since then, Osborn has manipulated his way into a position of mucho power running HAMMER (the SHIELD) replacement and re-creating the Avengers for a hard-edged world.  After finding his way into the Armor vault Tony Stark had left in Avengers’ Tower, Osborn was able to creat his own suit of gaudy armor.  Osborn is currently leading the Dark Avengers as the Iron Patriot.


Elsa Bloodstone

A near-immortal monster hunter like her father, Elsa inherited the Bloodstone upon his death.  Elsa is formerly an agent of Nextwave and currently appears on lots of Dark Reign covers.   Not enough?  Okay, umm.  She’s very stuck up in a hot way, probably stuffs her bra, is almost-but-not-completely a Buffy rip-off, likes her coffee like her men: in a styrofoam cup with a sippy-top, and regularly rocks out to the stylings of Hall but not Oates.  Are we done now?  Good.  I need to lay down now.



Additional Links