I have a weird relationship with rap music. I’ve never been super-hardcore into it, but then I’ve never been one of those people to be super-hardcore into any specific genre of music. I keep moving between sounds so quickly that I’m pretty sure my ears are schizophrenic. I think I keep searching for that elusive “perfect sound” and it’s always just out of reach. Some groups or artists get close, but then I’m off onto another tangent and the cycle continues.
I was really into rap when I was a pre-teen, and then some when I was a teenager, but then in my twenties I moved away from it and didn’t listen to any at all, other than to keep myself reasonably up to date on the what was happening with the music. I didn’t find much that impressed me. This continued into my thirties, but now that I’m at the tailbone of my thirties I seem to be going backwards and am listening to a wider array than ever. While I’m not spending much time digging into a lot of the underground stuff, I’m trying to get a decent appreciation for seminal rap works that I was never exposed to as a kid, or that I did listen to and am now rediscovering how great they really were. All this means is that my earhearts seem fixated on a certain time period, a place where there was not a Kanye to be found.
Just like a lot of great rock stars and bands make great music but would make boring action figures, the same holds true for rap. And screw what Gene Simmons says: rap is rock ‘n roll anyway. I’m going to make this article about the rap groups, not the single artists, mainly because a group of figures will look more impressive standing around, like a team of superheroes. So let’s tackle the top five groups that would make great looking (fully articulated, none of this poseable statue or stylized bendable figure nonsense) action figures.
None of these will be too shocking, but there is an underdog on here that you might not agree with.
In no particular order:
Public Enemy
You probably saw this one coming. You can’t make a list of rap groups for any reason without mentioning Public Enemy. And there’s no way to make a toy line without having a set of Public Enemy figures, mainly because Flavor Flav is basically an action figure and a cartoon already. He can even come with a decent array of different clocks to put around his neck. People don’t even wear watches anymore. Chuck D and Terminator X round out the group core group, with the S1W stalking the stage . . .
Run-D.M.C.
Unlaced shoes with big tongues and huge gold chains. Run-D.M.C. were born to be action figures. Influencing damn near everybody, these guys put out a string of excellent hard-hitting records with a unique rock sound and would make great-looking figures. For a brief time there it was impossible to see a girl named Mary and not wonder why exactly she was buggin’.
N.W.A
While the movie was good, let’s not forget about the Arabian Prince this time around, and make this one a 6-pack. Filled to the brim with iconic artists, N.W.A would be the most satisfying set for not only getting the “reality rap” all-stars in one set, but providing a contingent of stellar solo performers as well. Dr. Dre, Eazy-E, MC Ren, DJ Yella, and Ice Cube round out the sextet. Attitude sold separately.
Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five
Just look at them. Another sextet, but with a bit more diversity than N.W.A’s all-black attire. I don’t even know what’s going on there, but there’s no denying this group’s importance in rap history, and it has to be celebrated. As do those clothes. Those clothes have to be celebrated.
For my fifth and final group, I’m ignoring some groups that might be a bit more obvious and popular like the Beastie Boys, the Wu-Tang clan, A Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul, or even Cypress Hill or a couple dozen others, and I’m heading straight for a personal favorite.
Fat Boys
I don’t even care. I love the Fat Boys. Sure, they’re a bit of a novelty, but behind that novelty is some “heavy” skill and a string of records that, while not particularly diverse, are as solid as the stage they’d be performing on would have to be. The Fat Boys were one of the first rap groups that got my attention when I was a kid, and rapping along to “Between the Sheets” was as subversive as it got, because the 2 Live Crew had yet to make national headlines, and N.W.A had yet to rampage Straight Outta Compton. We were kids, what do you want from us? Either way, these would definitely make some large action figures.
