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Fwoosh Week in Review – 9/27/9

A handful of things to talk about this week, so let’s jump right into…

the Microverse:

The Gigantic figures have shown up on ebay and Waiting’s house, and the topic soon switched to wondering why we didn’t get such things earlier, and then it switched to toybiz versus hasbro, and then a mime showed up and pulled fifty-three clowns out of an invisible car and then the car rolled over a cliff and exploded, taking two clowns with it. But those two clowns put ketchup on ham and cheese sandwiches so it was ok.

We still don’t know who’s going to be paired with the 3 figures “we” chose. The “we” is in quotes because I’m suggesting shady conspiracies. But not outright, because I’m not going to be that guy. Besides, Hasbro’s killing the line, remember? Slowest death since Yoda. “There…is…another…wave…com…ing…”

In the Multiverse:

Wave 10 fever is gripping fwoosh in it’s evil graspy clutch like a furious case of swine flu. Causing fwooshers to lament that they’ll never get the wave, that it’s doomed and hopeless and angsty. Fwoosh is actually wearing a lot of black eyeliner and skinny pants and that haircut where most of it’s hanging in your face and you can’t see where you’re going and you wander into traffic a lot and lament about the tragicness of it all. Mainly because you just got hit by a Hyundai.

It’s been out less than two weeks, I believe. My panic doesn’t start until the thread hits one hundred pages. I’m a bit like simmo in that regard. Well, simmo in 2007. Hooray for dated fwoosh continuity. Bootcuffs!

In the palpable, pungent panic, people are going to any lengths to secure what has become a more valuable commodity than the last camel in the desert. There’s a right way, and a wrong way. The following is: THE WRONG WAY. Kids, don’t try this at home

Buzz86us begged:

Is there any chance someone who found these can pull aside their apparent greed and help me out with these for cost plus shipping? The way I see all my wal-marts I am thinking the chance of me finding these is slim and none. In fact my local wal-mart stopped carrying these due to “low sales” please don’t make me feed the scalpers.

oh, you greedy bastards, buying toys for yourself!!! I turn my back on you all. Well, I would but then I wouldn’t be able to continue this column.

Was that a shout of joy I just heard? I’m onto you.

In other news of panic, people are still having trouble with 9. And some people are already doing calisthenics so they’ll be in shape to panic about series 11.

In The Expanded Universe:

Teela got a first look, and a second and a third, and then He-man started smacking everybody that was looking at, as he put it, “my superfine wench”. Everybody on Eternia knows that He-man’s got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one. However, he may be dumping her since she has no torso articulation, meaning that she can stand and look pretty but can’t grab her ankles. This paragraph got weird all of a sudden. Maybe if we’re all very quiet it’ll go away.

Ok it’s gone.

In the Macroverse:

Yet another Shocker thread was created, and yet another Shocker thread was shut down due to the usual shenanigans. This one took less than a page for “it” to begin. What the hell is wrong with you people?

In the Bar With No Name:

Wise fwoosher GrownNerd always makes sure his shirts button on the correct side of his shirt, and a dutchman showed a determination in onanism that few can possibly aspire too. These references are not related. I think.

In the Multiplex:

Nobody died. Well, I died a little inside looking at those pictures of Nic Cage in a Superman costume, but so did we all.

So did we all.

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