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RAARGH, HULK STUFFED!

THEN HULK GONNA GET MOUNTED!!

RAARGH, THAT NOT SOUND RIGHT!

dracine asked:

Congrats on being a father! How do you feel! And I hope you’re paying child support!

HULK’S FATHERHOOD CONFUSE HULK. HULK FEEL LIKE STICKING CIGARS IN MOUTHS, BUT THEN HULK REMEMBER…THAT KIND OF HOW HULK GOT KID. WHICH MAKE HULK EVEN MORE CONFUSED. SO THEN HULK DO ONLY THING LEFT TO HULK. HULK DRINK UNTIL HULK FORGET HULK HAVE KID. HULK SURPRISED AT HOW WELL IT WORKS.



AND HULK THINK KID NEVER GONNA LEARN TO BE RESPONSIBLE UNLESS KID SUPPRTS SELF. HULK THINK HE GET JOB. MAYBE PAPER ROUTE. RAAARGH, HULK’S MONEY IS HULK’S MONEY!!



Discogod asked:

Yo Hulk, what’s the deal? You been talking smack about me. I stole your girl? Dayum, she was happy to be with a real man. She told me all about you Hulk…. Told me why you’re always so angry. Got a bit of super-compensating going on, huh?

RAAARGH! HULK POINT FINGER AT DISCOGOD AND ACCUSE HIM OF BAD THINGS! REMEMBER THAT TIME? HULK STANDING OUTSIDE FOR HOUR, IN BEST SUIT, GIRL NOT COME? RAARGH! GIRL NEVER COME!



MATTER OF FACT, HULK WONDER IF THAT WHY GIRL LEFT HULK…



HULK NOT OVECOMPENWHATEVER YOU SAID! HULK IN A POOL!

Anywhoo, I have a question. How about hooking me up with She-Hulk? I’d show her a good time, if ya know what I’m

sayin’.

YOU…STAY…AWAY…FROM SHE-HULK. HULK SERIOUS HULK SMASH PUNY GOD OF DISCO.



xAngelx asked:

Hey Hulk, what’s the deal in stealing my line?

And how can I copyright "HASBRO ARE KILLING THE LINE!" and any other similar exclamations?

DO LIKE HULK DID. HULK HAVE "HULK" ON ONE BUTTCHEEK, AND "sMASH" ON THE OTHER. RAAARGH, INSTANT COPYRIGHT!!



hellspawn asked:

Dear HULK,
I noticed there have been several Marvel Legends of you, but none with great fists.
Have you ever been fisted?

HULK TRYING TO REPRESS THAT MEMORY, THANK YOU! HULK THINK IT REASON WHY HULK UNEASY IN DEFENDERS MEETING WHEN AROUND FISH-GUY. RAAARGH, THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS, THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!!



johnny_b asked:

Hulk

dude, where is my car ?

HULK THREW IT. NEXT TIME NOT PARK IN HULK’S SPOT!



Mern-Ra asked:

DAMN IT HULK! I just started to read your latest column and haven’t finished World War Hulk, so THANKS for the spoiler about you being bitter over the end. Sure, I don’t know EXACTLY what happened, but still–a warning wouldda been nice.

RAAARGH, ALSO, BRUCE WILLIS DEAD!!



Pendragon Conceptsasked:

Hulk,

Do you get sleepy after eating turkey?

RAAARGH, HULK MISS BLACK FRIDAY, ALARM CLOCK DIED, HULK MISSED SALE ON NEW TV!! HULK HATE PUNY TURKEY!!

Who are you spending Thanksgiving with?

HULK SPENT QUALITY TIME WITH HOLE IN SHE-HULK’S SHOWER

What are you thankfully for?


HOLE IN SHE-HULK’S SHOWER!

Do you think the Native Americans got screwed over in this Thankgiving deal?

NOT UNLESS THEY ALLERGIC TO TURKEY! AND CRANBERRY SAUCE! RAARGH, HULK NOT GONNA CALL CORN MAIZE!!



Discogod asked:

Yo Hulkie,

Any news on She-Hulk yet? C’mon dude, you know she wants me.

-DG

HULK KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!! RAARGH, HEAR PHONE RINGING? THAT CALL COMING FROM IN YOUR HOUSE!! RAARGH HULK IN YOUR CLOSET! HULK COMING OUT OF CLOSET!! RAARGH…WAIT…



AlphaPrime asked:

Hulk, Duran Duran or Genesis, which you like better?

HULK CAN’T RESIST PHIL COLLINS! RAARGH, ONLY DRUMMER THAT MAKE GOOD LEAD SINGER, SUCK IT RINGO!

And happy thanksgiving, just try not to eat tooooooooomany turkeys.


HULK HAD THREE. ONE OF THEM WAS JIVE!!

 



simmo asked:

Why is it that when I talk to the trees, they don’t listen to me?

HULK THINK THIS CAUSE TREES HAVE SAYING. IF A SIMMO TALK IN THE WOODS, AND NOBODY CARE, THEN, SIMMO NOT REALLY TALK.

And where have all of your guest stars gone? Did you smash them all?

HULK SENT OUT LETTERS, LETTERS COME BACK UNOPENED. HULK WONDER IF HULK NEED TO CHANGE DEODORANT. BIZARRO HOWEVER SET UP TENT OUTSIDE OF HULK’S HOUSE, BEGGING. HULK THINK HE NEED HOBBY.



sexyvonpoopy asked:

Did the conflict of the vietnam war in the 1960s and 70s have any lasting effect on you?

HULK REMEMBER WAR COVERAGE PRE-EMPTED THAT TELEVISION SHOW HULK WAS WATCHING THAT ONE TIME. IT NEVER RERAN. HULK STILL PRETTY MIFFED!



Chibikasai asked:

Dear Hulk,

My coworker is terrified of clowns. Is there anyway to relieve her fears? I keep putting clowns around our

workspace, but I wouldn’t say it’s helping. It is, however, hilarious.

HULK SUGGEST PUTTING STEPHEN KING’S "IT" ON STORE TV. RAAARGH, CLOWN IN THE SEWER CREP HULK OUT!! FOLLOW UP WITH KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE. IF COWORKER NOT CURED BY NOW, HULK SUGGEST PUTTING ON FACEPAINT, JUMPING OUT AT HER FROM BEHIND REGISTER WHEN SHE COME IN. HULK THINK COWORKER NEVER BE SCARED OF CLOWNS AGAIN. PLUS, THEN IT TIME TO HIRE NEW COWORKER.



Chase asked:

Dear Hulky,

Did you celebrate Thanksgiving? If so, what composes the great Hulk feast? Do you like yams? People seem to have

polar opinions on yams. Do you add a little wine into your stuffing? Have you ever eaten a dinosaur?

HULK CELEBRATE THANKSGIVING LIKE HULK CELEBRATE ALL HOLIDAYS. STANDING IN LOCAL GROCERY STORE AND EATING OUT OF THE AISLES. HULK NOT GOT TIME TO WARM THINGS UP. HULK LIKE YAMS. HULK YAM WHAT HULK YAM. THAT HULK’S POPEYE IMPRESSION. HULK PUT LITTLE STUFFING INTO HIS WINE. HELPS EASE SADNESS OF EATING FROM AISLES. AND IF BY EATING DINOSAUR YOU MEAN ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWING COPY OF JURASSIC PARK THAT WAS LEFT TOO CLOSE TO HULK’S PLATE ONE TIME, THEN YES, HULK ATE DINOSAUR.

 


HULK WANT PIE! 


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