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RAAARGH HULK HATE RUBIK’S CUBE!

HULK CAN’T SOLVE THIS THING!

ricster9 asked:

Dear Hulkie,
Do you agree that red and green should never be seen ?

HULK THINK OPPOSITE TRUE. HULK GREEN, HULK WANT TO BE SEEN. IN FACT, HULK WEAR RED BLAZER THE OTHER DAY, AND NOTHING ELSE. LOT OF GREEN. ACRES OF GREEN, BIT OF RED. HULK LIKE BIG BLEEDING CHRISTMAS TREE. FELT PRETTY. BUT ONCE AGAIN, HULK MET WITH SCORN. HULK RECONSIDER. WORLD NOT READY.



simmo asked:

You don’t get out much, do you? Does Hulk need a hug?

IS THIS SPECAL HUG LIKE HULK USED TO GET FROM MAN IN PARK? IF SO, HULK HAVE TO SAY NO THANKS. BUT IF THIS HUG LIKE HULK PAY HUNDRED BUCKS FOR FROM LADY WHO WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP, THEN HULK CONSIDER IT. WAIT…ARE YOU A DUDE? IF SO, THEN HULK ONLY PAY FIFTY. HULK HAVE NEEDS, BUT HULK LIKE BARGAIN TOO.



sexyvonpoopy asked:

Have you ever thought about singing lessons?

HULK TOOK LESSONS. HULK SANG THAT FUN BUT SHORT SONG. "DO RE MI FA SO SOMETHING SOMETHING." INSTRUCTOR LOOKED AT HULK AND SHOOK HER HEAD. MADE HULK SAD. HULK OUT FIFTY BUCKS. BUT HULK JOINED DEATH METAL BAND AFTER THAT, "PSYCHOTIC GREEN GUTSPILLING FACTORY." HAD LIMITED SUCCESS. HULK WENT OUT ON TOP. OR MAYBE NOT TOP. SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE. HULK HAVE NO REGRETS.



hellspawn

Dear HULK,
I’ve noticed you’ve been a little down. Maybe you need advice from us?
Here’s some from me:

If you want to get back on your feet again, just miss two car payments.

HA! HULK DONE ONE BETTER. HULK HASN’T PAID FOR CAR SINCE HULK BOUGHT IT. OF COURSE, HULK CAN’T DRIVE, SO BASICALLY HULK PICK UP CAR AND CARRY IT AROUND. HULK THEN STOP AND WONDER, IS HULK REALLY DRIVING CAR, OR IS CAR DRIVING HULK? HULK THINK THIS DEEP THOUGHT. AND IF CAR DRIVING HULK, THEN WHY HULK’S BLINKER STILL ON? HULK MAKING LEFT TURN ALL THE TIME. HULK NOT EVEN KNOW WHERE HIS BLINKER IS ANYWAY.

 

 
RAARGH, HULK MAKE LEFT TURN!



Simun

which is more disgusting? Picking your nose and eating it OR scratching your butthole and sniffing your finger?

RAAARGH!! HULK THINK IF YOU DOING BOTH AT SAME TIME THEN THIS EXPLAIN WHY YOU SO LONELY!! ALSO, HULK HOPE YOU NOT IN FOOD SERVICE. HULK FEELING SICK.

 



Lucid Silverback esq.

Hulk, have you ever had a pet?

Anything exotic???

HULK ONCE HAD COCKATOO. HULK REMEMBER WHEN HULK BOUGHT COCKATOO, HULK WENT INTO STORE, HULK ASKED CLERK IF HULK COULD HAVE COCKATOO. GUY STARED AT HULK. THEN OTHER GUY CAME OUT, FIRST GUY TOLD SECOND GUY HULK WANTED COCKATOO. SECOND GUY RAISED EYEBROW. BOTH GUYS THEN LOOK AT HULK LIKE HULK PIG WITH APPLE IN MOUTH. HULK FELT UNCOMFORTABLE. THEN HULK REALIZED HE NOT IN PET STORE, HULK ACTUALLY IN DELI. HULK BACK UP SLOWLY. HULK EVENTUALLY GOT COCKATOO. MADE HULK HAPPY.



SamuRon

hey Hulk – what do you think would have happened if Bendis had written World War Hulk?

what about Morrison?

or Claremont?

RAAAARGH, WWH BY BENDIS:

FIRST ISSUE HULK START TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH HE HATE SUPERHEROES. TALK TALK TALK. "HULK GONNA…SERIOUSLY…GONNA HIT HEROES WHO…WHO SENT HULK INTO SPACE.  HULK JUST…HULK JUST THINK THAT SO…UMM…WHAT THE WORD FOR IT…RUDE! YEAH, THAT’S IT. HULK THINK IT RUDE."

THIS GO ON FOR TWO ISSUES.

THIRD ISSUE, HULK FINALLY ARRIVE ON EARTH. ISSUE START AT END, WITH HULK PUMMELING IRON MAN, THEN FLASH BACK TO HOW HULK GOT THERE. BECAUSE NON CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER APPARENTLY THING TO DO.

FOURTH ISSUE, DR. STRANGE WHIP UP SPELL TO MAKE HULK NOT SO ANGRY.

FIFTH ISSUE, HULK HAVE INTERNAL DIALOGUE WITH SELF, ASKING SELF IF REALLY WANT TO SMASH HEROES.
"DO YOU…DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HURT THEM?"
"I…I THINK I DO. BUT…UMM…MAYBE I…DON’T?"
"THE HELL?"
"NO. YOU DON’T. YOU DON’T WANT TO HURT THEM."

THIS GOES ON FOR THE ENTIRE ISSUE.

SIXTH ISSUE, HULK BREAKS FREE OF STRANGE’S SPELL. TAKES ENTIRE ISSUE.

SEVENTH ISSUE IN SIX ISSUE LIMITED SERIES, HULK STOPPED BY…OH, LET’S SAY…SPIDER-WOMAN. SENTRY STANDS AROUND.

THE END. EXCEPT FOR STAND ALONE ONE SHOT WRAP UP THAT NOT NECESSARY TO BUY, BUT IT ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO HULK BETWEEN ISSUE SIX AND SEVEN.

WWH BY MORRISON:

HULK LAND ON EARTH, INTENT ON KICKING BUTT. BUT HULK NOT FIND HEROES. HULK ONLY FIND WORLD MADE UP OF HULK VERSIONS OF SELF. IRON-HULK. SPIDER-HULK. WOLVERHULK. MR. HULKTASTIC. DR. STRANGEHULK. HULK FEELS LIKE HE FITS IN. HULK JOINS THE HULK-MEN, THE HULKVENGERS, THE HULKFENDERS AND THE HULKIONS, ALSO HULK-FACTOR AND THE HULKAWAYS.

 
HULK REALIZE HULK REALLY IN COMIC. HULK IS OBLIGATORY GUEST STAR ON OWN SERIES. HULK GETS ANGRY, SMASHES THE PANELS, FINDS HIMSELF TALKING WITH STAN LEE AND JACK KIRBY, ASKING THEM WHY THEY HATE HULK SO MUCH. STAN AND JACK MERGE INTO KIRBYLEE THE ALMIGHTY, CREATOR OF MARVEL UNIVERSE, AND SUMMON THE LIVING TRIBUNAL TO JUDGE IF HULK IS WORTHY OF REMAINING A COMIC CHARACTER.

 
LIVING TRIBUNAL SEEKS OUT SHE-HULK TO SPEAK ON BEHALF OF HULK.

THEN HULKLACTUS COMES AND DEVOURS THE COMIC, ABSORBING ITS POWER.

HULK ALONE IN BLANK WHITE PAPER VOID.

GRABS PEN.

WRITES HIMSELF BACK INTO EXISTENCE, CREATING HIMSELF. KIRBYLEE APPEARS, AND SAYS HE HAD IT IN HIMSELF ALL ALONG.

HULK IS JUDGED WORTHY OF BEING COMIC CHARACTER. HULK ARTIFICIALLY INSEMINATED BACK INTO PAPER WOMB, AND REBORN BACK INTO COMIC.

WWH BY CLAREMONT:

HULK END UP LANDING ON EARTH, BUT IT FUTURE MAESTRO EARTH. HULK LEARN THAT MAESTRO VERSION OF HULK THAT COME BACK TO KICK HERO BUTT. BUT THEN HULK LEARN THIS NOT REAL EARTH, BUT PARALLEL EARTH, AND HULK NOT REALLY HULK, BUT CLONE OF HULK PLACED INTO ANOTHER BODY, THIS ONE…ASIAN.

 
AND THEN HULK GATHER FOCUSED TOTALITY OF GAMMA POWERS AND…WITH MORE INTERNAL DIALOGUE THAN HUMANLY POSSIBLE, HULK FINALLY GET BACK TO NON ALTERNATE EARTH, STILL UNCERTAIN IF HULK REALY THE HULK HE THINKS HE IS OR IF HULK IS A HULK THAT WAS CLONED FROM A HULK THAT NEVER EXISTED. HULK GOT LOST. HULK NEED TO REREAD DIALOGUE BOXES AGAIN.

RAAARGH, HULK BEST THERE IS AT WHAT HULK DOES. AND WHAT HULK DOES ISN’T PRETTY. OR CLEAN.



RAAARGH, HULK NEED TO LIE DOWN NOW!

 


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