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HULK…AND DEADPOOL

HULK GOT NEW ASSISTANT TODAY. THE MAN CALLED

DEADPOOL. HE UGLIER THAN ME!

Hulk, I could stick my face in a blender and not be uglier than you.

YOU MEAN YOU DIDN’T?

And I already hate you. But I’m a professional. Let’s just do it.

hellspawn asked:

Dear HULK,
How do you put the lime in the coconut?
And once it’s there how do you get it back out?

ONE TIME HULK WAS CAUGHT TRYING TO PUT THE LIME IN THE COCONUT, IF YOU CATCH HULK’S DRIFT. ENDED UP ON AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS. HULK CAUGHT UP WITH BOB SAGET LATER THAT NIGHT, GAVE HIM A BEAT DOWN. BUT HULK DIDN’T SMASH SAGET BECAUSE OF VIDEO. HULK SMASHED HIM BECAUSE OF FULL HOUSE. JUST PRINCIPLE OF THING.

Little confession. I used to be addicted to that show. I once watched a 24 hour marathon with a big bowl of ice cream. By the end, I had gained twenty pounds, spontaneously grown a mullet and I was quoting the main characters. It was horrible.
And the thing was, it took me into hour thirteen to realize that the show was not actually about tournament poker. I was suspicious fromt he start, figured that the kids were some kind of weird ante, but then around the time of them meeting the Beach Boys, I knew I had been swindled. But I couldn’t stop watching. One time I was tracking this guy, started humming the theme song, didn’t even know it, almost got my head blown off.

…And the lyrics are pretty deep, you ask me. I often wonder whatever happened to predictability, the milkman, the paperboy, evening tv. Well, the milkman I shot. The milk was warm…

HULK LIKE YOU.

That’s great.

 


MARVEL KNIGHT 2099 asked:

Dear Hulk-o,
If it wasn’t for you, Wolverine wouldn’t of made it big, You gave Venom a good fight, Because of you, we have a hot green chick with HUGE knockers who also pulls it of as a successful lawyer! How do you feel about these achievements?

Yeah, good job with that, Hulk. Way to bring in the little rodent.

HULK HAD CONTRACT. HULK NOT HELP HIMSELF.

She-Hulk’s pretty hot, though. But after Juggernaut…I don’t know…kind of think there’d be an echo in there now.

…HULK NOT KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

Yeah, I bet you don’t.

 


AlphaPrime asked:

Hulk, what horror movie scares you the most?

CATWOMAN. HULK WATCH IT, STAB OWN EYES OUT. UNFORTUNATELY THEY GREW RIGHT BACK.

I made a Halle berry mix dvd. It just simplified things. Then I sometimes wonder why she, Billy Bob Thornton and Wolverine are fighting sharon Stone, but then I figure it’s probably for the good of the nation.

Also, do you like Zombie movies such as Night/Dawn/Day of the Dead?

HULK THINK THEY OKAY.

You’ve never seen them have you, you big wuss.

HULK NOT SEE YOU!

Yeah, that didn’t make any sense. but you get an A for effort.

HULK JUST HAPPY TO BE NOMINATED.

 


Popoman asked:

Hulk,

What are your thoughts on the band Rush? Love ’em or hate ’em?

HULK THINK GEDDY LEE SOUND LIKE GIRL ON HELIUM, BUT CAN’T DENY SONGS CATCHY AND ALEX LIFESON GREAT GUITARIST.

I’m more of a Black sabbath guy.

DON’T LIE!

…Fine. Elton John. Are you happy now? Yes, Sometimes I feel like a tiny dancer. Gah, next question.

 


strap3.0 asked:

Dear Hulk:

Who would win: You, or Zombie you.

HULK NOT LOSE.

to help with less (more?) confusion, the Zombie Hulk doesn’t have the Cosmic powers of the Silver Surfer.

HULK STILL WIN.

then answer the question if Zombie Hulk DID have the power cosmic.

HULK NOT CARE IF ZOMBIE HULK HAD ADAMANTIUM BUTT. HULK STILL WIN.

Thanks, big guy!

*Juggernautbangedyourcousin.*

WHY PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT? HULK KNOW COUSIN NOT GO FOR THAT TYPE OF GUY.

Yeah, um, Hulk, one of these days we’re going to have to have a long talk about some of these pent up feeling you seem to be having. I’ll shave my head, put on a cheesy mustache, and you can call me Dr. Phil.

WILL YOU TALK WITH ACCENT?

No.

 


sexyvonpoopy asked:

where do you get your nails done?

HARDWARE STORE. UNLESS HULK MISUNDERSTAND QUESTION.

Hulk, I’m thinking of a number between 1 and you’re an idiot. Can you guess what the number is?

IS IT 5?

Yes Hulk. The number is 5. Congratulations.


Simun asked:

what happens if you mix pop rocks and coco-cola?

HULK THINK KIDS NOWADAYS LISTEN TO SOME STRANGE MUSIC. BACK IN HULK’S DAY, MICHAEL JACKSON WAS KING OF POP, AND HAD DEAL WITH PEPSI. THEN MJ GOT SET ON FIRE. HULK THINK THAT BEGINNING OF END.

I got set on fire once. Didn’t change me at all. Wuss. Of course, that was the year I adopted a chimpanzee.

DID YOU CALL IT BUBBLES?

No, Johnny carson. I let it interview me several times a week. But the questions were always the same. Didn’t take long before it ran off. And it took my favorite Huey Lewis tape with it. Man, the eighties were cruel.

 


chuck20 asked:

Hulk, why did my hot chicken noodle soup give me stomche flu? I woulda asked it myself but i think i just flushed it away.

HULK SUGGEST YOU FOLLOW IT. HULK HAS HEARD THESE THINGS ARE TRACEABLE. TAKE IT TO A LAB.

 


MARVEL KNIGHT 2099 asked:

Hulk,

Do you like pina collata and taking walks in the rain?

HULK REMEMBERS THIS QUESTION FROM STRANGE CALL HULK GOT AT NIGHT. IT WAS FOLLOWED BY HEAVY BREATHING. HULK GETTING SUSPICIOUS.

Uh, No, Hulk, that was me. I was trying to sell you a magazine subscription to Drinks and Exercise. I’m working my way through college. Thanks for hanging up on me, by the way.

HULK SORRY. HULK GOT A LITTLE CREEPED OUT. WITH THE BREATHING.

I have asthma. Thanks for adding insult to injury. Jerk store.

 


WM10k asked:

Hulk.

If you had to choose one, who would you mate with and why. Molly Ringwald, or Shannen Doherty.

HULK ALWAYS FELT PRETTY IN PINK, BUT THINK GIRL FROM ZIP CODE MIGHT BE DEMON IN SACK.

Go with the Ringwald one. The other one, let’s just say It’s a good thing I’ve got a healing factor.

HULK NOT UNDERSTAND.WHAT HEALING FACTOR GOT TO DO WITH…OHHHHHH…

Yeah. It was like a circus down there for a while. With clowns and a guy shooting out of a big cannon. And that’s not an innuendo.

HULK DOESN’T GET IT.

And you never will.

 


GRANDPA asked:

HULK SIR
JUST WANTED YOU TO KOW I MISSED YOU YOU BIG LUG YOU

HULK SUGGEST ADJUSTING THE SIGHTS ON YOUR GUN. NOT MISS AGAIN.

That’s not what he meant. How many times have you been dropped on your head?

AS OF YESTERDAY, 1346 TIMES.

I can’t believe it, but I miss Cable.

HULK ONLY GET REGULAR NETWORKS!

 


UncleDave asked:

Hulk. What do you do when you want to unwind after a hard day of smashing puny humans, ect?

HULK LIKE TO UNWIND WITH A LITTLE LIGHT READING.

You’re illiterate.

THEN HOW HULK ANSWERING THESE QUESTIONS? HUH?

You’re talking into a microphone.

HOW YOU SEE WHAT HULK IS DOING?

Look down.

OH. HULK NOT NOTICE YOU DOWN THERE. HULK THOUGHT VOICE WAS COMING FROM HEADPHONES.

Huk, you idiot, you’re not wearing headphones. You have your hands on your ears.

RAAAARGH, SPEAK UP!! HULK CAN’T HEAR YOU!!

 

 


chuck20 asked:

Hulk, in those rare times you do bathe, do you take a nice long bubble bath or a quick shower?

HULK MAKE APPOINTMENT WITH MAN THAT WASHES ELEPHANTS AT ZOO, GIVES HULK GOOD ONCE OVER, HULK FEEL GOOD AS NEW.

I’d slice my nose off, but it would just grow back again. Hulk, have you ever considered a deodorant?

HULK LIKE NATURAL MUSK!

Yeah, if by natural musk you mean "I have a dead possum stapled to me?"

 


long_road asked:

what are the dimensions of your erect penis?

HULK ALL 3-D. HULK IMAX! HULK WIDESCREEN!

From where I’m standing, it looks like Hulk is barely an educational video shown in schools

RAAARGH!! HULK GROWER, NOT SHOWER!!

Dane Whitman asked:

Hulk???? Why are you Dumb!?!

HULK IS RUBBER, YOU ARE GLUE. WHATEVER YOU SAY…BOUNCES AND THEN…GETS STUCK.

Wow. Just wow. That is the worst comeback since Fat Elvis.

 


Simun asked:

I only have enough money to rent one, which should it be:

Big Butt Sluts #5 or
Put it in ANY Hole #8 ?

HULK HASN’T SEEN EITHER, SO…

Allow Me Hulk. While the cinematography in Big Butt Sluts leaves a lot to be desired, I really feel that the actresses put a lot of heart and really dug deep to find they’re characters, while the actresses in Put it in Any Hole were basically doing a Tom Cruise, and smiling broadly for the camera while showing no substance. If I were you, I’d definitely go for Big Butt Sluts. PLus, don’t forget to highlight the third butt on the menu to get an easter egg, which is a deleted scene showing Roxanne DeGapo carrying on a fake interview with a lamp.

Umm, I mean…porn is bad. next question.

 


Lucid Silverback esq. asked:

Hulk, are you currently looking for an apprentice?
You know, kinda like another Rick Jones, yet one who can bench 750lbs and won’t hesitate to put a rapid beatdown on ol’ Thunderbolt Ross?

If you don’t mind a little gorilla-hair on the sofa, PM me with an application or resume-request.

HULK BEEN THINKING ABOUT GETTING A WINGMAN, ACTUALLY. HULK GONNA CONSIDER THIS.

Oh, great, Hulk. Now what am I supposed to do on Saturdays? You go out with this guy, and what do I have left? Sit by the phone waiting for the call that never comes? yeah, you’re all glitz and glamour, but do you know how many messages I’ve left with Bea Arthur’s secretary, her personal shopper, her mailman, Estelle Getty? Just waiting and waiting for the day she returns just one of my calls? I mean, seriously, how long am I supposed to wait? Oh, sure, I could probably kidnap her or something, but that’s not how I want to work this. And that Golden Girls musical was one big tease.

HULK UNCOMFORTABLE…

 


HULK OUT OF QUESTIONS. AND GUEST STAR LOSING IT. HULK GONNA GO.

Just one call, Hulk. Just one. is that too much to ask? Even an autographed picture. And not one of the standard ones, one of the pictures I took with a telephoto lens.

HULK PREFERRED BIZARRO.

Oh yeah? Well, Deadpool am having wonderful time.

NOW YOU’RE JUST BEING MEAN.

Questions for Hulk?

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