I am not what you would call a sports fan. What I mean by that is I don’t think I have ever watched any actual sporting event from beginning to end. I’ve been dragged to games when I was a kid, I’ve even played in them, but as far as deciding to sit down and watch a game from beginning to end, by choice, as an adult, I have not participated in this particular exercise. I just don’t have that genetic imperative to care about what other people are doing with balls or pucks or other small hurtling things.
Ok, I take that back; I have seen the Harlem Globetrotters. I’m totally counting it.
Anyway, because of this particular apathy, I am very aware that this is a very strange article for me to be writing. The only thing odder would be if you found me writing about country music. That is a thing that will never happen. I’d rather watch an entire Supercommercialbowl thing than listen to a single country song from beginning to end.
So why am I writing this article?
I may not be a sports fan, but I can respect an icon. I can respect the idea behind a thing without truly being invested in the thing. There was exactly one time in my life when I actively tried to be a sports fan, and that was back when Michael Jordan was at the top of his career. I gave it a shot, I really did. I don’t think I’ve ever put as much effort (if staring at a television can be called effort) into trying to acquire a taste than when I tried to watch some games. It didn’t really stick, because I realized I’d much rather watch a highlight reel of the best of something than slog through an entire game where the good bits took a long time to happen.
I think I may be too impatient for sports, is what I’m saying.
But I don’t believe you have to be a sports fan to appreciate the icons of the industry. While I’m aware of how that edges dangerously close to the teenager wearing the Minor Threat shirt that has never heard the band play, I’m almost positive I don’t care, because I appreciate icons, and I appreciate toys, and I grew up in a very specific time period. A time period where everyone was jealous of the dude with the new pair of Air Jordans. A time period where it seemed like he was everywhere, endorsing everything, tongue out, flying through the air, larger than life. 
Be like Mike the ads said. Drink the Gatorade! Drink it and dunk a ball from half-court!
I could probably make a list of maybe five sports figures that I’d want in my collection just for the sheer iconic nature, and I may struggle to get to five. NECA has a Muhammad Ali figure coming up and that pretty much takes care of the world of boxing for me. For the rest of the sports left, Michael Jordan would be at the top of the list. Of course, there have been Jordan figures before. There are multiple 1:6 Jordans, and some of those are spooky accurate, but I’m aiming more for a 1:12 scale here. And if this were to happen, it would have to be Figuarts. Their current combination of realistic likenesses, lifelike paint jobs (don’t go by the pictures, in person they’re freaky) and insane articulation would work perfectly in allowing a Jordan figure to get into all of those slam-dunking, court-punishing poses. Despite my lack of sports affinity, the idea of just how good a figure this could be makes me excited … especially if it were made in a deluxe set with an actual displayable hoop.
A perfect Michael Jordan figure would have to have multiple heads, and one of those heads would have to have a tongue hanging out. Figuarts routinely includes multiple heads. The basketball and hands could have a peg setup to allow for dribbling, dunking and passing and such. I don’t know who he’d be passing the ball to. Michael Jackson? Bruce Lee? There’s a dream team …
While it’s not the same clothes, having both Michaels together means you could have a kindasorta “Jam” display.
Another feature would be multiple hands, another feature shared by most Figuarts figures, and like the Captain America shield-slinging effects there would have to be one that allows you to pose him with a basketball in mid-shot. Pair it with one of those stands like he’s poised in mid air and the diorama pictures take themselves.
I’m not sure if there are any Figuarts that feature alternate feet, but it would be extremely appropriate if there were multiple officially-licensed and authentic versions of Air Jordans that could be swapped. I remember there was a time when people were extremely jealous of the guy who got the new pair first. Those were extremely expensive shoes at the time. People could and did get killed for them.
Figuarts has tackled Star Wars, the MCU, music icons and just recently wrestling, so they seem to be edging into some different waters. I can’t say I’d really care much about many athletes, but if a Michael Jordan figure were made, he’d join the collection proudly.
With his tongue out.
