As most everyone knows by now, SDCC was scooting along about as usual with a decent amount of new figures debuting and the requisite chatter that ensued at seeing all those sweet, sweet toys. The appearance of Dazzler’s glammed-up, disco-era costume made a vast majority of people stop in their tracks and nod appreciatively, and it was looking like that would be the BIG NEWS.
But even though that was big, it wasn’t the showstopper. A little last minute pebble was skipped across our collective river.
Yes, that one image of the Invisible Woman herself immediately made an unspoken promise. The Fantastic Four will be coming. Finally, after a long time in hibernation, the Fantastic Four will be making their way to Marvel Legends once again … for the very first time.
I say “for the first time” because of one simple factinion: there’s never been a good set of Fantastic Four figures. There have been several attempts, and many are of their time, but I can’t judge any of them as unqualified “good.” And the Invisible Woman has suffered more than any of her teammates.
But now? Now female figures are better than they’ve ever been, and it appears that the Invisible Woman will finally be getting her due in plastic.
But that unspoken promise means that there are still three more figures that need to match up to what this Susan Richards is bringing to the table.
Now, I will leave talk of the team and what needs to happen to another. Right now, I am going to talk about my favorite member of the Fantastic Four, and my favorite hero of the entire Marvel Universe. I am talking about Benjamin J. Grimm, the self-anointed Thing.
It is hard to find a bad story featuring the Thing. The “voice” of the Thing is so distinct and so vivid that you actually have to try very hard to tell a bad story with him. Among the dozens, if not hundreds, of characters created by Jack Kirby and Stan Lee back in the beginnings of the current Marvel Age, the Thing stood out in both appearance and personality.
It’s time he had an action figure that truly captured how unique he truly is. It’s time for an iconic Fantastic Four, and it’s time for an iconic Thing figure.
Many, many artists have laid pencil on Thing since 1961, and in that time he’s been altered in shape and form many times. But for me, for this attempt at a complete team, it needs to be taken back to the core. While there is no real need for “artist specificity” in the current Marvel Legends line, this Thing needs to be as “Kirby” as can be while keeping a homogenized style. Kirby’s Thing evolved over time, but it eventually settled into what we now know as the icon: jagged boulders, stout appearance, rocky brow, sledgehammer fists — the works. We’ve already seen that this go-around will feature blue costumes with black detailing.
I will take as given that the Thing will follow suit in a pair of simple blue trunks with a black belt line. The Thing needs neither pants nor boots in this version. Please, allow the trunks to be simple, undetailed trunks without excessive detailing as was found in the previous Thing figure.
The most important detail about this Thing is height. The Thing is not meant to be a massive character. He should always appear to be the underdog in any fight. He should be roughly the same height as a regular, unstretched Reed. The cosmic rays didn’t make him grow; they covered him with rocks. If a person suddenly gains a lot of weight they don’t necessarily get taller, so the same should apply here. In place of height, he should be wide. He needs to look like a big chunk of rock that just happens to move around.
With the height and width nailed down, let’s take him top to bottom. Now, there’s a healthy debate over whether or not the Thing has teeth. Let’s ignore that entire debate, skip the teeth, and skip the open mouth all together. Just a nice, determined neutral expression is all I ask for on him. That eliminates the “does he or doesn’t he” debate and also differentiates him from the Juggernauts and Hulks who are always gritting their teeth anyway. The Thing is perfect when he looks like he’s got rock-solid (ha) determination instead of looking like he’s going to his dentist. The best thing about his design is that he doesn’t need to bare his teeth to look like he’s about to give someone a bad day. He’s made of rocks. That is bad news for the bad guy no matter how you spin it.
No underbite, no crazily jutting brow, and, again, no insane cash-register underbite. Just a simple rocky face with that signature rock unibrow.
No neck.
With the head tackled, let’s take on the body. It’s very simple: no muscles. The thing is slabs of rock. You don’t give him pecs. You skip the biceps and triceps, and you definitely don’t give his legs major definition. In Mother Russia, leg day skips you. But really, you get a big chunk going on in the calf area, that’s it. The Thing is a big column of rock with other columns jutting artfully from them, and somewhere in there he magically bends.
And his arms and legs shouldn’t be gangly and too “normal” in length. Early Marvel Legends Thing figuress had proportions that were too human-esque. He should be thicker and squatter while still being about as tall as Reed.
Fists, please. I don’t need a grabbing/claw hand, or slappy hand, or anything like that. The Thing only has one clock, and it’s stuck at one time, and that is clobberin’ time.
He doesn’t have any need to do anything other than punch other things and punch them hard, so please give the Thing a nice rocky set of fists.
For his rocks, they need to be uniformly random. I know, that meant nothing, but the Thing has to have very uniform rocks that are very random in shape that all fit together like a walkway from the patio to the gazebo, and they need to be relatively small in shape but not so small that they seem cluttered. Am I anal retentive about Thing? I may need medication.
If he could somehow not end up a neon orange color, that would be great. A nice mid-tone orange. If there was black in the crevices that would be great, but if not then the natural shadows may be enough if the rocks have enough depth.
As far as extras, the Thing is pretty simple, and doesn’t need a lot of accessorizing and such. As he is a brand new tool, he’ll soak up a lot of budget, but if you wanted to throw in an extra plain Ben Grimm head that could either go on top of the body for when he was human and had a Thing exo-suit, or that we could toss onto an extra muscular body for a human Ben, that would be nice as well.
A great, iconic Thing could lead to many other uses. I’d buy him in the blue and black trunks, the black and white, and parts of him could be used for a spandexed Future Foundation or his recent Guardians of the Galaxy look or a bunch of in-between versions. Even if he had different legs but kept the rocky torso, that’s a couple different variations right there.
In short, I am in near-desperate need for a great, iconic Thing that will complement what looks like the best Invisible Woman figure ever. Nothing has quite hit that mark yet, but I feel this is the best opportunity for it to happen. I’m looking forward to the Fantastic Four’s return to plastic.