Sure, I know it’s inevitable that they all get a name eventually. Nobody is born with the name “Hammerhead” unless their parents are particularly drunk and/or Bob Vila. Someone, at some point, decides that a real name has to be attached to a character. Even now in a time where Superman and Batman are fighting on the big screen you have to go deeper than just “Superman” and “Batman.”
You have to dig underneath to the core of those characters to make them real. That’s why it’s even more thrilling to see not only Superman and Batman fight out their parental issues, but to see Supernicus Mangina and Batleroy Manxiety have a duel of wits in street clothes. It makes them real. It humanizes them. There’s a delicate subtext underneath everything Supernicus and Batleroy say to each other. It would seem silly for them to be in fancy suits and ties calling each other “Superman” and “Batman.”
As far as real names go, “Momaw Nadon” is as good as any. It’s a decent name, a strong name, with a decent enough flow off the tongue.
But he’ll always be Hammerhead to me.
Even among the subtle brilliance evident in the various designs of those aliens that huddled in a cantina in Mos Eisley, Hammerhead stood out. He stood out so much that he was one of the chosen few to receive an action figure in the original vintage line. Standing proudly alongside such luminaries as Luke, Darth Vader, and Princess Leia was Hammerhead himself, along with his other cantina compatriots Snaggletooth and Walrus Man.
Yeah, apparently those aren’t their real names either. Apparently Walrus Man’s real name is David Crosby.
If you’re one of those oddballs who collects the toys from a movie before seeing a movie, then to you that figure is wide open. You start imagining the adventures that figure will go on to take part in. You just know this cool-ass toy will be even more awesome on screen, and will go on to do brain-bursting things. To me, Hammerhead’s role was clearly an important one. He was going to be Luke’s closest friend, and together they’d overpower the legions of those guys in the white armor. Hammerhead was clearly going to be Luke’s most trusted confidante, his bosom buddy, maybe even an older brother type. Hammerhead would be the one to teach Luke how to use that colorful jutting stick at the end of his arm.
There was absolutely no doubt that Hammerhead was going to be a badass. Why? Because he came with a blaster. You don’t come with a blaster if you’re not going to use it and be awesome using it. That’s like . . . rule number one or something. Look at that big hand. Perfect for picking up Stormtroopers and tossing them aside with his prodigious strength. And his name being “Hammerhead” meant you did NOT want him to headbutt you.
I mean, Hammerhead got an action figure, so of course he was going to be an important and integral part of this movie. You don’t get toys if you’re just going to end up with a couple of panning shots, right?
Hell no. Hammerhead was going to be blasting his way across the galaxy with his friends Luke, Han, and Chewbacca. They were going to save the Princess and her older, wise, mentor-type friend, Ben Kenobi, who, like Luke, had a colorful jutting stick. Old Ben was old, though, as is evident by the white hair, and it was up to to Luke to slap Darth Vader’s colorful jutting stick with his colorful jutting stick. That was going to be the climax of the movie, after all: Luke and Vader banging their jutting sticks together, the forces of good and evil locked in a desperate battle for dominance. And Hammerhead was going to be blasting the forces of evil with his blaster, because why would they package him with a blaster if he was never going to be doing any blasting? It was no coincidence that he had the same type of blaster as the Stormtroopers. That’s where he got it. By being badass and taking a Stormtrooper’s blaster from him, and then shooting him with it. That’s how Hammerhead rolls. He takes your gun — possibly after headbutting you with his head — and then he shoots yout. Then he yells out “YOU JUST GOT HAMMERED!”
Nobody named “Momaw Nadon” would be able to take on hordes of Stormtroopers single-handedly, or would be able to win an arena fight against a Tusken Raider, or would use a Death Star Droid like a baseball bat to crush the other Death Star Droids.
But Hammerhead? Hammerhead is all over that shizz.
Hammerhead picks up R2-D2 the cannon droid and fires him at the bad guys.
BOOM!
You just got hammered.