Crimson Guards. CGs. Siegies. Fred Broca. By whatever name you want to call them, these are some of the boldest and coolest looking of the Cobra legions.
I have gone on in many reviews about my love of red and black. It’s one of the world’s most perfect color combination. If there is a toy made up of that combination, I’m 95 percent more likely to pick it up. There are bonus points when it’s in a line I actually do collect. When the Crimson Guards popped up in the Joe line in 1985, I instantly wanted a dozen of them. Two dozen!
I got one. Army building was not in the cards back then. But that just made the one that I got all the more special. He was the elitest of the elite. He was…well, he was a giant red target if I think about it, because all of the Cobra troops ended up dying in living room skirmishes. Countless terrors landed on these poor guys. MOBATs ran them over. Missiles blew them up. Ninjas cut their throats. Sgt. Slaughters broke their backs on his mighty knee.
Alas, poor Cobra troops.
Where was I…
Oh, right, reviewing this figure.
I am exceedingly happy that this figure is painstakingly faithful to that original figure. Every figure that is essentially run through an embiggening process from vintage figure to 1/12th Classified figure instantly warms the deepest cockles of my heart. It’s all there: the cold, pitiless helmet, the silver cobra symbol standing out against all that red, the overall regality.
The figure features all the articulation we’ve come to expect from the Classified line. It’s mostly impressive, but I’ve mentioned in the past that the drop-down hips don’t seem to be adding as much to the total package as they do increasing drawbacks. Between seeming fragility and wobbliness, I’ve been feeling like they aren’t quite worth it. But the drop-down hips on these figures actually feel quite solid. It looks like the plastic in the bar of the hip pegs is a little thicker than on previous figures, which means less chance of the plastic turning white under stress and potentially snapping.
The hip balls themselves weren’t overly tight either, moving instantly without the need for heat or oil. The last handful of releases have been going in a more positive direction there. I think Firefly’s hips might have been the worst offender, though I do remember Zartan’s being worryingly tight as well. Hopefully as the figures go on they will continue feeling sturdier.
Everything you get with the CG can be stored on him. You take the figure and his accessories out of the plastic tray, you pop them on, and you have nothing left over. It’s not a requirement that these figures can store everything, but I do have to admit it is pretty cool when it happens.
He comes with a gun (holsterable) a knife (sheatheable(?)) a saber and scabbard, his very traditional rifle with bayonet and a black version of his backpack. The initial toy came with a red backpack, and the upcoming Retro-card version of the Crimson Guard is coming with a red backpack, along with a more card-artesque silver faceplate.
The scabbard can either attach to his belt or the backpack. Attaching to the belt feels a little more traditional, but it tends to get in the way there and be slightly more finicky, so I like it better connected to the backpack.
I genuinely love everything about this figure. The Crimson Guard in the vintage line instantly brought back those Emperor’s Royal Guard vibes rushing back (man, did I love those guys) and this figure is doing the same thing. They just scream “elite badassery” like they won’t budge an inch until they’re cutting your throat for getting too close to Cobra Commander.
I’m trying to restrain myself from going overboard on army-building since with a line like this it can easily get out of hand, so I’m going to be happy with the amount I currently have. And then one of the Retro card version, of course.
I bet they’re going to make a Python Patrol version also.
Oh dear.
