No, this is not original. Yes, I am sure a lot of people are doing this. However, I cannot help but be excited by all of the announcements and happenings of #YoJoeJune. The most recent livestream revealed some pretty awesome new characters for the line, and after taking all of that in, it’s hard not to go right to, “what’s next?”
I mean “what’s next” in the absolutely most positive fashion. All of the new figures and characters that were announced has already put us in some pretty great shape through part of 2023, but as the roster continues to expand, I think it is only natural to be curious about who else will be filling in the line-ups. Frankly, we are still early enough in the Classified Series line that the possibilities are wide-open. But come on, that has never stopped us as toy fans, and while I am pretty much happy with everything can has been and could be announced, of course I have a list of my most-wanted characters.
Now, I am going to say this again just to level set: this is my first Joe line. I was not allowed to collect the original RAH line when I was a kid, and I only had one figure. So, this is fun and exciting for me in a slightly different way than someone who might know the property inside out. I will say that, despite the (somewhat) lack of nostalgia leanings, I am glad to see the line really focusing on those classic 80s designs with just the right amount of flair for the modern peppered in here and there. I wasn’t quite sold on the designs of the first couple of waves, but now I am all-in, and it seems like each figure announced is better than the last.
So, while we wait on Sgt. Slaughter, and Dr. Mindbender, and Kamkura, and Zarana, and Stalker, and Dusty, and Tomax & Zamot, and also the just revealed Covergirl, and Outback, and Falcon, but also the newly announced Rock ’N Roll, and Shipwreck, and Torpedo, and Copperhead to arrive – let’s make a top ten list. I get it, doing a list like this at this point in the line can be done simply by throwing a dart, and there are so many wanted and fan-demanded characters still out there that we cannot possibly include all of them, but so what? It will probably be less than a year before I do this again, because I like to make lists like this every so often.
To begin, I will say I am only going to include unique characters, and not variants. Yes, I still want a more classic take on Scarlett, Duke, Firefly, the Red Ninja, and especially Cobra Commander, as well as the standard versions of characters like Bazooka and Recondo, but we can save those for another time. As I said above, this is pretty wide open, so I AM POSITIVE many picks will be chided from the start due to so many still not done. So, if your character is not on this list – that is COOL – so many would make for rad releases, and with the exception of a couple characters, I am down for any and all.
10. THE FRIDGE
While I only owned on Joe as a child, I was acutely aware (for some reason) that William “The Refrigerator” Perry had a G.I. Joe figure. I mean, I wasn’t a big football fan either, but I think everyone in America knew about The Fridge for a few years back then. He was popular enough to get a Joe figure, and it would awesome to get an updated version just for the sheer audacity of it. Sgt. Slaughter is already on-tap, so maybe adding the Fridge could open the door some someone like “Rowdy” Roddy Piper as well.
09. QUICK KICK
If I need to say more than. “G.I. Joe martial artist” I am not sure what it would be. ARAH was so steeped in 1980s culture, and Quick Kick had the prototype of countless 80s action movies on lock. I have a feeling his is probably on the actual list to be released soon, but it never hurts to include him because he is awesome.
08. TUNNEL RAT
If some dude is gonna be called Tunnel Rat, you know he is going to get $#!* done. He’s a ranger from Brooklyn with a likeness based on G.I. god Larry Hama, so I think that is more than enough cred. Not that I am suggesting it, but since Tunnel Rat had a later iteration in the Night Force subset, Hasbro could get a little more mileage out of a figure like this.
Everything about Raptor is bonkers in the absolute best way. I mean, you can take one look at the dude and know you absolutely need this bird man standing alongside Destro and Dr. Mindbender in the Cobra gallery of weirdos. But, Raptor is the damned FALCONER of Cobra. Yep, the ruthless terrorist organization felt they needed a falconer, and they chose perfectly. Did I mention he is an accountant, too? BONKERS AND I WANT IT.
Okay, I know this is the second martial artist on the list, but you cannot really fault me for that (because they are rad AF), and Joe had a lot of them. We have the classic ninja version of Snake Eyes already, but a female ninja who clads herself entirely in red is a definite win for the good guys. With Scarlett, Lady Jaye, Baroness, Zarana, and Covergirl already in the line, Jinx is most certainly the most needed female at this point, and I have a feeling her modern update will be great.
I mean, he is leader of Cobra (their damned EMPEROR!) after taking the mantle away from Cobra Commander, and he marks the lead-in to the whole Cobra-La concept that sharply divides the fanbase. So he is definitely needed! His outfit alone has me salivating for what the Hasbro team will do with him in terms of design and detail, and you know he will become an instant focal point of your Classified collection. He can come with an arrow to recreate his demise from the old Marvel Comics if you want to fiery. Which we do!
Low-Light hates the dark. He hates it so much he wears inferred goggles at night to avoid the darkness. He also hates it so much that he applies the concept to his codename. That take some stones and (probably) some deep psychological issues. He really looks badass to boot, and since Sarge is arriving soon, it’s time to get that Marauder team kicking with some new characters.
03. SNOW JOB
<insert mr. bean meme here>
Yes, I know – I love the name, too and if Hasbro changes one thing about it when Harlan is brought into the Classified Series, I am positive people will share feelings about it. Aside from the obvious, and Arctic ski trooper is just what we need, and with a flowing ginger beard to boot! I am very ready for the GIJCS adventures to take us extreme locales, and the best way to beat the harsh conditions of the Arctic is with a nice Snow Job. A nice Snow Job figure, but I know you knew I meant that. Right? RIGHT?
02. ROAD PIG
The Dreadnoks might just be the most popular subgroup in Cobra, or the RAH pantheon overall. For good reason, too – when Cobra needs a shot of extra crazy muscle, Zartan’s crew will bring the pain, and arrive on motor bikes! Zartan and Zarana are an excellent start, but we need more and we need them now! Frankly, you just cannot beat a dude named ROAD PIG who is made all the better by having a primary weapon that is a cinderblock on a damned stick. This is what action figure dreams are made of.
If you know even the slightest bit about my relationship with G.I. Joe, you know Chuckles is my favorite character. He was the only Joe figure I had as a kid (that is a whole story unto itself) so it would mean an awful lot to me personally to get him in Classified. Aside from that, he had a comic run that certified him as being a complete and total badass, and that is kind of figure the Joes need. Eff the crap head a-holes who have coopted his look, that belongs to CHUCKLES and he should own it. Good lord I want this figure.
That is my list, who is on yours?