While most GI Joes had their distinctive look nailed on the first attempt, Hasbro had to come up with ways to work popular characters back into the line. Some of those makeovers were successful (see Snake Eyes ver. 2, General Hawk, Rock n Roll, Roadblock) but there were some that were clunkers.
Hasbro’s strategy of knocking out the iconic looks for its Classified Series is a smart one, but in case some of the popular characters need to get worked back into the line here’s some that can safely be ignored.
Flint (Eco Warriors)
Trying to cash in on that sweet, sweet Save the Planet 90s mentality epitomized by Captain Planet, the Joe’s got their own environment focused squad.
They were led by none other than my favorite Joe — Flint — who sported the most garish, awful combination of neon yellow and green. No need for Hasbro to think too far out of the box with this one. In the case of a hostile, toxic environment the only Joe we need is Airtight.
Cobra Commander
Cobra Commander’s had some great costumes throughout the line. This fourth version wasn’t it, champ. The standard silver faceplate was replaced with red and the normal blue helmet piece was now gold. The design is also very clunky with padded chaps around the legs and leather portions around his arm.
For a Cobra Viper variant this would have been fine, but there’s nothing with this outfit that screams leader of Cobra.
If the Battle Armor was all about keeping Cobra Commander safe when he charged into battle, Dr. Mindbender designed this one for the Joe’s to double over with laughter at the sight of this outfit.
Gung-Ho (Marine dress)
If you know anything about Gung-Ho it’s he’s a proud Marine. For some reason, Hasbro thought a guy known for showing off his guns (the muscle kind) and his chest covering tattoo would head into battle looking like he just finished welcome the new additions to the Marine Corps at a ceremony.
Worse, Gung-Ho traded his Cobra-fragging grenade launcher for a decorative sword. There’s nothing practical about this outfit at all.
Shipwreck (Battle Corps)
This isn’t the worst offender on the list as it’s perfectly acceptable for a SEAL to wear scuba gear, but it’s a boring take on Shipwreck and is just a repaint of Wet Suit in Torpedo’s color scheme. That hardly works for a character of Shipwreck’s big personality.
Snake Eyes (Ninja Force)
Snake Eyes has some terrific outfits to choose from so hopefully the Ninja Force attire is forgotten or otherwise ignored. The design is busy and looks like poor Snake is gonna impale himself with that pointy crotch piece. Then there’s the matter of this being his covert mission specialist gear. With all this bright “hey, shoot at me!!” blue, Snake Eyes isn’t sneaking up on anybody — ninja master or not.
Lowlight (ver.3)
Lowlight was another Joe whose first figure was perfect so this was really a case where Hasbro just tried something with his next version. This one totally missed the mark (pun intended) adding a beard, changing up his hair color and giving him an awkward Cyclops style visor along with an odd waffle pattern outfit. Maybe he got dressed in the dark?
Beach Head (ver.2)
Yet another case where it was gonna be hard to improve on the original. And like his original wave mate Lowlight, the Battle Corps take on Beach Head is so different that it might as well have been another character. The signature balaclava is replaced with a helmet and he’s touting a massive bazooka now.
I don’t think I’m gonna have a hard time coming up with another list of Joes and Cobra outfits that don’t need to make the Classified Series cut. What do you think?
