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Hey, Black Series, Could We Get Some Skiff Guards?

In a franchise like Star Wars, where you get actual names for the main characters but “weird-looking guy back there” could have been either Ralph, Englebert, or a Stewart, the toys were often the only time you got a name for “weird looking guy back there.” And that’s not the punchiest thing to put on a vintage toy package. Almost nobody has ever said, “I want a figure of weird looking guy back there.” I say almost because … you know who you are.

As time went on, most of those background players have received real names by various methods, either role-playing guides or novelizations or nerds. But the cards were where we learned most of the names. And  it is extremely hard to shake those old instincts. It is with considerable effort that I remember to call the robot bounty hunter with the insect head “4-LOM” and the dude wearing the adult-theater overcoat and gas mask “Zuckuss,” because for the longest time those dudes had swapped name tags and it was super-embarrassing at the bounty hunter conventions.

As I’ve said in a previous article that I will link to with the magic internet power of blue text, you can call him Momaw Nadon, but he will always be Hammerhead to me.

So it was world-shattering that one time I found out that “guy that looks like he needs a drink” on Jabba’s skiff wasn’t really named Weequay, but that his alien species was Weequay.

This is a dude that’s workin’ for the weekend.

Mind … blown.

So my Luke action figure wasn’t slicing and dicing “Weequay” the proud and noble warrior with a face like an ass that’s been in corduroy all day. He was slicing up “random Weequay dude.”

Which means he could have been slicing up … Mitch. Or George. Or Wilbur.

Stop shoving, Wilbur!

You really had to be careful about a character if they weren’t actually named in the movies. A name could be mistaken for an insult. Can you imagine if you walked up to Squid Head and said, “Hey Squid Head,” and he bursts into tears yelling, “My name is Tessek!!” that is awkward at any party, like if you’re named “Felicia.” Everybody in the world is going to be saying “Bye Felicia” every time you walk away. Like … every time.

If they lied to me about Weequay, did they lie to me about Nikto? Was his name not Nikto? Did he not play Tic Tac Toe? Did Nikto want to play with day-glo Play-Doh, but he was sick, though?

A little research shows that Nikto was a species, but Klaatu was a name … and Klaatu belonged to the Nikto species, but the vintage figures were named Klaatu and Nikto. And Barada? He was a Klatooinian. From Klatooine. But Klaatu wasn’t from Klatooine. And they all worked on Tatooine.

Aaargh!

How much wee could a Weequay spray if a Weequay could spray wee?

It was much simpler back then.

The point (and there is a point) in the Black Series line, we have Jabba. We have Jedi Luke and some of those other guys. But we have nothing from the Skiff Guard segment of our movie, and that was like … an awesome part of the movie and stuff. While I doubt we’ll be getting a full-sized Skiff (man, I hate not ever getting that thing when I was a kid. I had to use the edge of the couch and a popsicle stick. It is so hard to take things seriously when Luke is walking the popsicle stick. Oh noeses Moses, the invisible Sarlacc in the carpet is going to get you!!! …) it would still be great to get those funky aliens. These guys have fantastic designs, and they just scream “badass.” I think they’d make excellent figures, and they’re a much needed group to flesh out the opening portion of RotJ. I’d need a bigger popsicle stick for sure, but it would be tons of fun to re-enact those scenes with much bigger and better figures, even if I don’t know who to call what anymore: Klaatu, Barada, Nikto, Marcia, Jan, Greg John Boy, Half-Pint, Theo, Rudy, Denise, Sipowicz and so forth. Doesn’t matter.

Next you’ll be telling me Han’s dad named him after the family dog or something. Where does it end, vintage Star Wars action figure line made of lies? When does it end?

12 thoughts on “Hey, Black Series, Could We Get Some Skiff Guards?

  1. Couldn’t agree more, the aliens alongside the troopers are clearly the best figures in the 6″ black series. Desperately want some Gammorean guards Bib Fortuna and those torture droids from Jabbas palace. I think they could spin up a throne for Jabba who just doesn’t look right without one even with the sdcc add ons, but this would be a great way to squeeze in a obscure character or 2.

    Also a Rancor

  2. That took me back! Weequay will always be Awesome Ponytailed Alien and the forefather of many a POF2 wide open stance because APA did it first. I never noticed the fact that there are two of him on that skiff until someone pointed it out a decade or so ago. Same deal with “Klaatu barada nikto” which meant nothing to me in unison since I never watched “The Day the Earth Stood Still” as a kid. Apparently, someone at Kenner had, yet we never got a droid named Gort! It was so much easier back in the day to name a figure Hammerhead merely because he looked the part. All that work flip-flopping the bounty hunters and giving every freaking alien a backstory went for naught after Disney took over everything and nixed the Expanded Universe. Our own imaginations always did a better job of fleshing out these guys and you know what? They still do.

  3. Honestly, looking at the size of the Skiff, it’s definitely not out of the realm of possibility for Hasbro to make it in the Black Series.

  4. Great article! Wow, I always thought his name was Weequay! Lol. We definitely need more of that group on our shelf.

  5. I’d say it’s only a matter of time. I mean we just got our first Jawa and Tusken Raider in this scale.

  6. Bring them on! But we also need more Jabba’s palace goons, starting with Bib Fortuna and some Gamorrean guards! I would also love for Hasbro to finish the Skiff guards line-up in 3″75 scale…

  7. I think many of these figures waste opportunities to use the cardboard or insert packaging as useful tools such as a diorama. I think heavy duty cardboard would word for various projects and be cost effective.

    With that said getting some guards would be nice.

  8. I’ll take any Weequay or Nikto they want to release, but my priority would be to re-do the original Weequay from the vintage line. I loved that figure as a kid. He was kind of unique because his arms were posed to actually hold his weapon as he does in the movie.

  9. My skiff also used a similar popsicle stick set up. It was a shoebox with the sides cut out and a little slot for the stick to slide in an out.

    I also had a shoebox that was the Imperial troop transport and one that was a Rebel transport.

    Shoeboxes are multi-taskers.

  10. Ha! Fun read…The 6″ Black Series Definitely needs more aliens. I love my Imperial Troops, but all the Star Wars Aliens is what really made the line so cool when I was a kid.

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