In this very festive time of year when gifts are flying back and forth and Nat King Cole is making his regular rotation singing about chestnuts and open fires and Jack Frost, I can’t help thinking that there’s a glaring omission in the world of super articulated action figures. I’m thinking of a guy who is non-denominational, non-company specific, someone who bridges all boundaries. In specifically non-grammatic terms, my one question this time of the year is:
Where the Santa figure at?
Sure, you can find Santa everywhere nowadays.. He’s in statues and ornaments and paintings. And he has toys, yes, but they’re either heavily stylized or they’re “insert character here” as Santa, like Gizmo from the gremlins as Santa Claus. None of them are just a regular, traditional-appearance Santa.
I find this odd. Who is Superman going to team up with if there’s no Santa action figure?Who’s going to ride on Captain Marvel’s back if there’s no Santa action figure? Who is Lobo going to fight if there’s no Santa? And hell, even this happened:
So yeah…I’m going to need a Santa for that.
But it’s not just about the hilarious team-ups that can be made with all the DC and Marvel action figures. No, it’s about getting a great figure of an icon. After delivering all those toys for all these centuries, doesn’t Santa deserve recognition of his own? I think he does.
Santa is a portly gentleman, so some accommodations can be made for his size. I think we can skip the double joints for some solid single knees and elbows with a good range. Biceps and elbro-styled joints would allow for the maximum amount of range considering his size, so those would be ideal. He’ll need to kneel by the tree and he’ll need to be able to carry his sack full of presents over his shoulder, so there needs to be enough clearance for that. If you look at some of the larger-styled (read: fatter) wrestling figures you can still get great range in the hips on men of great weight if they’re done right. I know this is verboten among a lot of people, but I wouldn’t be averse to a soft goods robe to keep a nice amount of articulation.
For accessories, a nice sack would be an absolute necessity, but I wouldn’t cry if he were to come with a few presents of different sizes, and a plate of cookies and a glass of milk, plus the requisite alternate hands that could hold each of these items. If you wanted to go nuts with it, give him a glass bottle that could represent a bottle of Pepsi.
Because commercialism, bitch.
His face has to look jolly; we don’t need a scowly, angsty Santa. Make the dude as happy and portly and red-cheeked as tradition states. Santa should look like the grandfather we all want but some of us never had, so beard him up.
For such an icon, Santa really needs to have his day in action figure land. Everyone should have the option of building a cool Christmastime diorama with a Santa centerpiece (and I mean everyone—Santa transcends religion or atheism so dig it) and the toy companies have, so far, not provided us with the opportunity. I’m surprised Japan hasn’t done something in a Figuarts or Figma or whatever. Michael Jackson but no Santa? Crazy!
And to all a good night.
