It’s no secret if you’re a regular on this site — we’re good at a lot of stuff, but we kinda suck when it comes to fortune telling. That’s probably why nobody checks our sister site FwooshStockTips.com.
Still, even a broken clock is right twice a day, and an even more broke-ass group of collectors and fanboys is probably good for at least that much. So I submit to you, once again, that I think a 6-inch Collector Series of GI Joe action figures is not only a possibility, but maybe even an eventuality. Everybody knows that if you write something on the Internet enough times it becomes a fact, so it behooves me to keep on a’writing, for the good of all!
So one way we can pass the time until this is a reality is the time-honored tradition of the forums: creating wishlists and hypothetical waves. The trick to this pastime is recognizing that one does not necessarily equate to the other, so I’m going to take a stab at a possible first wave, as opposed to the top 4 off my most wanted.
Since Marvel Legends Infinite is… well, a bit eccentric in its wave format, I’ve decided to structure my imaginary GI series in the style of the slightly more predictable Star Wars Black format. So without further ado…
Figure 001: Alley Viper
This story must begin with an army builder. As SWB opened very cleverly with the Sandtrooper, I’d counter with the Alley Viper. Like the Sandtrooper, Vipers are specialized Cobra forces that can be counted among the elite of their fighting men. They operate in an oddly counter-terrorist style, specializing in urban warfare, suppression, riot control — very law and order-like for a bunch of dirty war criminals. Their colors can range from the downright awesome blue/orange camo of the classics, to the more subdued blues/grays and red/black/gray of the more modern lines. My personal favorite is the Pursuit of Cobra variety, but most Alley Vipers come fully equipped with flip-down helmets, riot shields, batons, and usually SMG-type small arms.
Figure 002: Lady Jaye
Since SWB’s first outing included a droid, and there’s only a few comparable mechanical types that could go one-to-one there, we’ll use series 2’s inclusion of a sexy lady-type to fill a spot. And they don’t come much sexier than Lady Jaye. A core member of the TV series crew, she’s in the top-3 females of the franchise, and, like the other two, she has a signature look that makes for an easy one-and-done as far as figures go. Include her… uh… harpoon… spear… gun(?) for old time’s sake, but for a more modern gal, give her a suppressed rifle and some smaller blades for covert work.
Figure 003: Snake Eyes
Oh, let’s face it: there’s no way a first wave doesn’t include a Snake Eyes. But you know damn well it isn’t going to be the commando one or the black/gray visored one the first time out… so it’s going to need to be a version that is instantly recognizable, even iconic in its own right. And while I might prefer something like Resolute, yeah, I’m thinking cartoon-blue Snake Eyes makes a good first version. Like X-Wing Luke, it’s not the first costume that comes to mind for the character, but it’s still one you would easily associate with him. And any Snake Eyes makes a great excuse for lots and lots of weapons.
Figure 004: Wraith
Oooh. Think about it, though — guys like Maul and Fett, while fan favorites, are extremely toyetic, visually interesting bad guys. Or, if you think of this as Greedo’s slot, it’s the dark-horse candidate bad guy. Not only does this nicely balance out the wave 2 assortment of one Cobra and two Joes, but he would simply make for an excellent figure. He is, essentially, the Joe Boba Fett anyway. Wrist-mounted hardware, some electronic countermeasures gear in his pack, a flip-up visor, and a P90 — just like his 1/18 figure — would be excellent.
Agree, disagree? Wanna fight? The comments await! And thanks again to Doubledealer for the custom pics!
