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Secret Identities – TheBloodyAwfulPoet

I ask fwooshmembers questions. 

They answer them.


" When it’s running, a restored ’69 Chevelle."

The username?

In an ep of Buffy, flashbacks showed that Spike was a really pansy who wrote bad poetry when he was alive. One of his critics said that he was called "William the Bloody because of his bloody awful poetry." TheBloodyAwfulPoet is a reference to that. My first Internet BBS experience was as part of a Buffy fan forum under that screen name and, though that forum is long gone, I’ve kept the id ever since.

Who is that in all your avatars?

That’s me before the surgery.

My avatar is Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He’s one of my favorite characters.

Where do you live?

Southeast Texas, where the weather is almost always balls-stickingly hot. I’m a yankee born & bred, so of course I hate it.

Do you customize?

I’ve tried, but lack the skill and patience to do it right. It is my shame.

How much do you weigh?

6’5" 280lbs. It’s all baby fat. I swear!

Who is in your family?

Ma & Pa Poet, 3 aunts, 3 uncles including one that works for JPL and another that went on the lamb (or is it lam?) several decades ago… not from the law, but from the rest of my father’s side of the fam. My mother says he did something that got him in hot water with the rest of the family, but none of them talk about what it was. After 30 years of marriage, even she doesn’t know.

What kind of car do you drive?

When it’s running, a restored ’69 Chevelle. When it’s not, a ’97 Chevy S10.

Any Pets?

3 cats right now. One’s extremely brilliant for a cat, but is also the spawn of Satan. Another is 21 lbs. That one stands up to turn handles so she can open doors on her own. That sucks when you’re in the can and have forgotten to lock the door.

What is the idea behind “Make My Marvel!”?

I’m just hoping that that Hasbro will see the polls for these characters and that they will hopefully persuade them to make some of them. At the very least, I hope that the polls would influence the costume choice for the figure.

Who wants a Stryfe figure?

That joke went completely over several people’s heads. During the much-maligned Shiva poll, someone posted that they’d rather have Stryfe than Shiva for ML. Several others jumped on the bandwagon and apparently the "None" option came to mean "I’d rather have Stryfe" according to some of the posts. You guys crack me up sometimes. I’m not knocking the choice because I do think he’d make for one kick-ass figure.

Can you fwoosh at work?

 I almost never have that kind of free time. Plus, we have unique log-in IDs and IT monitors our activities on a monthly basis. They did actually fire a guy for spending several hours on a bbs. Though, I was bored enough once that I did fwoosh from work. No pink slip yet.

Where do you work?


A mental hospital. Explains a lot, doesn’t it? I work nights in the admissions department. I’m paid in experience and pesos. The stories I can tell are almost worth the horrendous pay.

How did you get this job?

I was originally pre-med when my advisor told me to go ahead and get a job in psych. I’m glad he said that because, while I’d like to remain in the field, practicing medicine is just not something I’m interested in. Plus, 90% of the physicians & psychiatrists I’ve dealt with are total scumbags. If they’re in a bad mood or you don’t have the right kind of insurance, it’s tough luck, buddy.

Do you wear a white coat?

I can, but I’ve never gotten around to buying one. I wouldn’t want it to get stained with blood or feces.

What is the number of people that stay at your facility?

At any one time, around ten kids (ages 4-17), thirty-five adults, though we can actually hold about a hundred. We tried taking in more, but didn’t have the actual staff for it. State came by for an inspection and spanked us pretty hard to the tune of several hundred thousand dollars in fines.

What are some of the things they suffer from?

"Bipolar d/o" and "paranoid schizophrenia" are the two most common mental diagnoses, though 90% of our admissions are actually chemically-related. A lot come in seemingly schizophrenic, but have just gotten into a batch of "fry" (marijuana, cocaine, etc. dipped in formaldehyde). It turns adults into complete whack jobs for several days, but if a kid gets into some they’re almost always mentally damaged for life.

Is formaldehyde easy to procure?

I’ve been told that only mortuaries, hospitals and doctors’ offices are licensed to purchase it, but people are getting it somewhere and easily, too.

Are you fond of some patients?

None specifically, but we always enjoy the ones who say or do outrageous, but non-violent things, i.e. "the Vietnamese brought venereal diseases to America" or "she’s trying to inject me with her neck fat, but I won’t let her!" Some of our favorites include the black guy who claimed he was the grand wizard of the KKK and dressed in his bed sheets, or the 400lb woman who walks around in nothing but a towel and claims to be Cleopatra.

Can you guess what they have from spending a little time with them?

If they’re schizophrenic it’s pretty obvious. Smearing oneself with poo and then flinging it would be a giveaway. If it’s chemical abuse or bipolar, it can take a while as their outward symptoms could be accurately described as EDIT-like.

Do you see exhibits of the behavior from family and friends?

No, thank god. Though, it’s like living in two different realities: work & personal. I don’t notice people’s behavior nearly as much when I’m out in the world.

What is the craziest thing that has happened at work?

We do full strip searches on all patients prior to admission. Anyways, one guy got to the floor with a razorblade we believe he’d taped to his perineum. He cut his arms up, tore apart the patient dayroom and was threatening staff and the other patients with the razor and broken Plexiglas. Half a dozen police officers came out and had their guns trained on this guy for over an hour. At one point he charged them and they came extremely close to shooting him. That same night one of our other patients who was in the ER for anxiety escaped into the ambulance bay and stole an ambulance that the EMTs had left running. PD was not happy with us for a long time after that. It also didn’t help that one of the cops got suspended for his actions in the stand-off. For the next month, every time the police came to drop off a patient, they’d ticket cars in the staff parking lot for being 2" inside the yellow lines.

What is the funniest?

#1 For several months, the local jail liked to empty some of their more difficult (but not actually psych-related) inmates on us. When they dump them, we have to take them. Well, this one guy was pure thug scum, no psych problems whatsoever. While he was in our holding area, he was causing all kinds of problems and the police had to be called out several times. The third time, this cop (shirt just about opened to his gut with a big gold chain) took the guy in the back, put his arm around his shoulder and calmly whispered to him "if I have to come out here one more time, I’m going to bring four more officers with batons with me and we are going to EDIT you up." The guy didn’t act out again, though he did eventually abscond with the supervisor’s cell phone up his EDIT. You can understand why they didn’t really fight too hard to get it back.

#2 The supervisor and I were the only two males available for this guy’s strip search. Since the razorblade incident, we have to look everywhere. So, the patient was naked and extremely obese. His gut completely covered his genital area. So, the supe told him to left up his gut…. and there was nothing there. I mean, he had NOTHING there. The supe said "okaythanksyoucangetdressed". When we got outside of the room, the two of us were stunned. He said, "Dude, where  the EDIT was his penis?"

Anything wrong with you physically?

Nope, though I did have a brief scare several years back when the dentist and several local specialists thought I had, first, a rare disease called fibrous dysplasia, then, later, cancer of the jaw. I ended up at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center where they told me it’d just been a cyst from an impacted wisdom tooth that had been removed. That was a huge relief. Several thousand dollars in dental work later, things are good.

Anything wrong with you mentally?

Oh, probably. My abnormal psych professor once said that population sanity can be viewed most accurately as a bell curve: there may be a set "normal", but almost everyone is going to fall somewhere just to the left or right of that. He said that no one is completely normal. As long as it’s something that doesn’t interfere with your social functioning, it’s not considered a "mental dysfunction."

Someone you know.. .

Several friends with alcohol/substance abuse issues. I once a had a friend who suffered from a mild case of depression. It seemed like he was always holding people to impossible standards so that he could be disappointed when they didn’t meet them. Therefore, everything became a test of how good of friend you were. He actually got pissed off at a mutual friend because he didn’t drop everything and leave his job one afternoon to come hang out with him. We lost touch several years back and I hadn’t realized what a burden dealing with him on a constant basis had been.

What would help get the crazies functioning again?

Medications do have their place, but counseling has the longer lasting effects. One of the best therapies is keeping a journal. Writing down your feelings helps you confront and deal with your issues.

Thanks BAP!

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