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Secret Identities – Kool-Aid Man

I ask fwooshmembers questions.

They answer them.


Kool-Aid Man:

"prisoners are usually more pleasant to talk to"

Wanna do an interview?

Sure, but there’s gotta be a lot more interesting people to interview.

What is the username from?

It’s from a forum I used to frequent. I just picked it because the Kool-Aid Man made me laugh. Truth be told, I prefer Hawaiian Punch.

Where do you live?

Bakersfield, CA

Can you describe Bakersfield?

We have the worst air quality in the country, and nothing to do. It’s got a population of about 250,000, but everyone likes to pretend we’re right up there with LA.

Are there carnivals or county fairs in Bakersfield?

We have the Kern County Fair every September, which is fine if you like to pay 5 dollars to park, 8 dollars for a sandwich, and have a desire to see .38 Special perform.

Are there local celebrities in the area?

We have some celebrities from here. Mostly country singers and pro athletes. Charles Nappier lives around here, and if you remember, he’s the guy that got his face ripped off in ‘Silence of the Lambs’.

Where do you vacation? Or would like to vacation?

I really don’t vacation a lot, but once in awhile the whole family gets together to go to Disneyland or someplace like that. I’d like  to hit some of the parks with the better roller coasters one of these days.

Do you drive to the ocean often?

I go a couple times a year. Usually I head to Pismo Beach, which is pleasant. Unfortunately I’ve yet to see Bugs Bunny show up.


I have one cat, who enjoys knocking over and chewing on my player 1 Chun Li.

                                                                                          How did you find fwoosh?

I mistakenly thought it was a fetish site about the sound a fat woman’s thighs make when she’s running in track pants.

How did you find  fwoosh?

I had a friend that sent me the link on the TNI boards, and I dug the atmosphere, as well as the lack of giant 1000 x 1000 signatures, so I made the jump.

Which forums do you hang out in on fwoosh?

The Marvel Board, Toy Sightings, Comic Relief, and once in awhile I pay a visit to the DC and Street Fighter boards. Still waiting on the Tom Selleck appreciation board.

Do you get into trouble?     

Only the pop-o-matic kind.

What do you collect?

Hasbro Marvel Legends obviously, WWE Classic Superstars, Sota Street Fighter, DCSH, and I recently got into the 25th Anniversary Joe line.

You seem to have a large figure collection. Do you?

Fairly large, yeah. I’ve been collecting the ML styled figures since the original SMC line, so those alone number well over a hundred. The wrestling figures I’ve kinda gotten away from, but at last count I had over two hundred of them. Most of which I keep in a tote.

Do you routinely go on toy hunts?

Usually only Saturdays. That’s primarily the restock day around here. I used to go early in the morning, but I didn’t want my obituary to read, "Run over by Hot Wheels scalpers"

Do other people know you collect action figures?

Oh sure, pretty much everyone that knows me, not that I advertise it, but word gets around at family functions. My mom and my sister actually call me from stores once in awhile, asking if I’m looking for such and such a guy.

Do you customize?

Aside from head swaps, not at all.

What are you favorite movies?

 JAWS is probably my favorite movie, and the one I quote the most.

“Uhhhhh Mister Vaughn, I’m aware you are going to ignore this particular problem, until it swims up and bites you on the ass!”

Why so much love for Lionel Richie?

I grew up in the early 80’s when Lionel was at his peak, so I was exposed to him early and often. My parents had the We Are The World LP, as well as a couple Commodores, and stand alone Lionel albums, and I kind of glommed on to him.

Does that love pass along to Nicole Richie?

 I treat Nicole like the Highlander sequels, and pretend she doesn’t exist.

What type of music do you listen to?

Little bit of everything, but I lean more toward 80’s pop, and Waylon Jennings.

Have you met any other Fwoohers in real life?

Skinsfan used to live here.

Are you a student or working or both?

High school was it for me, and I’m currently working for a local radio station.

What is it like working at a radio station?

Eh, it’s okay. I mean, it’s a paycheck. Some of the listeners phone calls are interesting though. Like when drunk women call up and hit on you, or when you get collect calls from prisons. Oddly enough, the prisoners are usually more pleasant to talk to, than people walking the street.

I’m a board op for a local radio station. That means I work the control board when we run live events over the radio, and record remotes, which is when you see a radio station out somewhere "broadcasting live". It’s not really live, they call in at a certain time, and I record their breaks. I also do a bit of trouble shooting, like if something goes off the air, or we don’t have enough songs to fill an hour.

Nothing exciting.

Do they play Lionel Richie at the radio station where you work?

It’s a country station, so sadly no. Close as we get is Kenny Roger’s rendition of ‘Lady’, which Lionel wrote.

What is your favorite fabric?

Cotton I suppose. Not only does it breathe, but also it compliments my girlish figure.

What is your definition of tough?

Anyone that works a crappy job just to support their family, or a single mother taking care of three kids. That’s tough.

What is wrong with you?

I’m as normal as the next guy, assuming the next guy has an undying love for crane games, and gives homeless people colorful pro wrestling nicknames.

What are some names of wrestling homeless people?

Well, I ride the bus all the time, so I encounter them quite a bit.

There’s the Hamburglar, who likes to walk around the downtown transit center with a bag of McDonald’s cheeseburgers, and ask for change. He’s a fan favorite.

I tend to agree with a lot of your posts if not all of your posts. 

Then you’re in the minority, my friend. Trust no one.

What nationality are you descendant from?

I’m white as can be, but I have German, Russian, Irish, and Native American in my blood. Pretty much all the ones that suffer from crippling alcoholism.

What do you like to do?

I’m pretty boring actually. Aside from reading comics, hanging out with family members, and going to the movies, I don’t do a hell of a lot.  

What are your future plans?

Well, one of these days I’m going to punch Hulk Hogan when he’s shaking and pointing his finger at me. I mean, there’s no way that could possibly backfire on me, right?.

Can you cook?

I’m a great cook actually. Some of my favorites are chicken alfredo, and meatball stew.

Do you think people are generally good with bad tendencies
or do you think people are bad with good tendencies?

I think most people generally have good in them, but since it’s easier to be a prick, a lot of folks choose that road instead.

Ever jump out of a plane? Any adrenaline pumping forays?

Never tried it. The extent of my thrill seeking is going hunting with my Uncle Jerry when he’s been drinking all day.

Can you put a hole in a hole?

I’ve given a doughnut hole to an a-hole before, does that count?

Who is your favorite serial killer?

Favorite serial killer is John Wayne Gacy, because everyone loves a clown.

Lionel Richie sidebarfiller


 Thanks Kool-Aid Man!

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