Spider-Verse is the exceptionally odd gift that keeps on giving. Some might say curse. Either way you look at it, there’s no way to deny that we’re getting more Spider-themed characters lately than ever thought possible, the vast majority of which debuted in the Spider-Verse story.
With Spider-Man getting his own regular dedicated line once again, it is an inevitability that with that line comes great repetition of Spiderness. But unlike the Spider-Man classics line that pumped out a ton of Spider-Men with gimmicks out the bumhole, along with a single villain that more often than not was also beset with gimmickry, we’re getting legitimate versions of Spider-Man and Spider-themed characters.
The fact is, I probably should be annoyed.
I know, logically, that there are actual Spider-related characters that aren’t being made. We have no Prowler, Silver Sable, Rocket Racer, Tombstone, Puma, classic Beetle Will O’ the Wisp … you get my drift. There are a ton of Spider-related figures out there that are not getting their due, while Spider-Verse-related characters are.
I should be annoyed.
But, dammit, that Multiverse idea really excites me. I loved Spider-Verse. I loved the idea of all of these various iterations of Spider-Man crossing over, meeting, teaming up, and overall being acknowledged. I mean, the Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends version of Spider-Man was officially canonized, as was the ’67 cartoon version. I’m pretty sure the Electric Company version was probably made legit as well. And if it wasn’t, then you can imagine it was, oversized obvious net included. Even the Hostess Spidey was included. The Hostess Spidey!
Be there a soul so dead that this does not make them titter?
With that said, and with the acknowledgement that we’re going to be getting more Spider-Verse Spideys, I present — to the ache and pain of many detractors — the top five Spider-Verse Spider-characters that still need to be made.
In no particular order:
Spider-Punk
A Spider-Man with a sleeveless jacket and a liberty spike mohawk mask-thing. Yeah, I don’t care; this is something that needs to happen. You know there was a brainstorming session where these ideas were all tossed out, and putting punk rock and Spider-Man together might have ended up looking ridiculous, but instead it ends up looking like something that I can’t believe doesn’t have a toy already.
Captain Universe Spider-Man
Even without the weight of Spider-Verse behind it, the Captain Universe Spidey is absolutely something that needs to happen. This is an idea that goes back to the early ’90s and Spidey’s cosmic-powered storyline (if there had been a thriving Internet back then, so many people would have whined about how stupid Spider-Man punching the Hulk into orbit was, but it was awesome). When a cool idea makes a comeback, it needs to become a toy. Put in a couple different heads for different Captain Universe variations and you’ve got a fun little figure.
Spider-Ham
I shouldn’t have to explain this one. If you don’t like Spider-Ham, your opinion has a resale value of less than a wooden nickel. If he is made, he needs to look like his earlier cartoony version, however. I kind of wish they had chosen to illustrate him in that manner in the actual comic instead of the more literal version, but I really can’t complain. Because, after all, Spider-Ham made a damn comic book appearance and the world makes sense. Make him a tiny Build-a-Figure, make him a pack-in (fully articulated) — I don’t care. Just make him. His fifteen minutes of brand new fame is still ticking, so don’t let that opportunity pass.
Spider-Assassin
This is a really nice costume. Yep, that’s it. It’s a snazzy costume. Plus, you know, killer Spider-Man. But otherwise this is a cool costume that would make an as cool toy, and it’s easy to make as it’s just a repaint of a stock body.
And finally:
Spider-Man Noir
This retains only the barest trace of Spider-Mannitude, but it’s just a cool overall look, and I’m a sucker for that noir-ish feel. It looks like it should be raining on this Spider-Man all the time. This is an AIM body away from being a reality, so I’d actually be surprised if it doesn’t make an appearance at some point in the future. You know, unless Spider-Verse stops being a figure machine of a thing. Which is entirely possible.
All I know is that every wave is going to have a Spider-slot, so it might as well be something along these lines.
And if you want to make a ’67 cartoon Spidey also, go nuts.