So far, with this Fortnite stuff—of which I’m collecting both McFarlane and Jazwares, because why not?—I’ve been content to let the new releases just kind of show up out of nowhere, demanding that you preorder them as soon as you see them. For instance, the McFarlane Big Mouth figure popped up and immediately became a figure I had to have. Before that, it was the Jazwares Doggo and P-1000.
I can’t keep track of all the information for every toy line I’m interested in, so these toys just appear out of nowhere, often ready to ship, which really gives me a kick in the instant gratification.
Knowing nothing about Fortnite outside of it’s a game where people do things to each other, I decided to take a deep dive into a long character list. Number one, I had no idea that there were this many characters and/or variations of other characters. I had no idea there was an Agent Peely, for instance, but now I want a banana in a suit. I want a damn banana in a suit, people. It needs to be a thing.
My process for this was simple: I started clicking on the characters that stood out. I quickly realized that I would buy everything, but a few really jumped of the screen and slapped me right in the toy zone. Once narrowed it down to “a whole lot of toys” I narrowed it down even further, ending up with a selection of five Fortnite figures that I need in action figure form, either from McFarlane of Jazwares—or both, if possible. A lot of great designs got left behind while I narrowed this down, so if you’re reading this and thinking “but what about ____” then yeah, I probably want him too. But maybe not as much as _____
So in no particular order, here they are:
Globe Shaker
I love Christmas and I love Snow Globes. I’ve spent many minutes turning snow globes upside down until all the snow collects at the top o the dome before quickly turning it back to normal and watching the snow fall on whatever scene is depicted underneath the glass. If it’s that time of year and I see a display of them in a store I’ll always grab one and shake it. I’m pretty sure there’s a name for this disorder. But regardless of any particular massive head trauma I suffered as a child, a character with a snow globe for a head is pretty much as good as it gets. Bonus point if it actually worked, but it would be understandable if it didn’t. Still…this would become a permanent part of my Christmas decorations. Maybe even at the top of the tree.
Bun Bun
It’s a chocolate bunny. I didn’t intentionally start out to have some kind of holiday theme, but Bun Bun here is obviously an Easter representative. That kind of makes my next choice appropriate, but let’s focus on Bun Bun here. It’s a chocolate bunny, and it’s kind of a sinister looking one. I love everything about it, right down to the Easter egg grenades. He looks like he’d Cadbury you in a shallow grave somewhere.
Hollowhead
Yeah, I know, this one Halloween themed, so now I’ve covered three holidays. It was not on purpose, but I’m sticking with it. Anyway, Jack O’Lanterns are spooky, and people with jack O’Lantern heads are doubly spooky, so anytime they can be made into toy form I’m going to want it. And the bonus of my unintentional theme is the strange holiday wars that these characters can have. Paganism vs. Christianity! Commercialism vs. Traditionalism! Candy Corn vs. Chocolate! And…so forth I guess.
Cyclo
Outside of food themed or holiday themed or whatever themed, the quite bizarre looking random mecha or magical or cosmic characters have all been very cool. Cyclo would make an awesome looking figure, especially if he had appropriate clear parts for the energy effects and that funky head. Cyclo looks like he jumped out of either a Saturday morning cartoon and fell on some crack, or jumped out of Jack Kirby’s head…and fell on some crack. Either way, there’s got to be crack involved, and for me the more crack in my toys the better. And that is why I am board-certified as a role model to kids everywhere.
And finally
Splode
“Weird heads” is a recurring theme in Fortnite, and is apparently one of those things I really like in my toy buying. I’m always drawn to characters that have strange things going in in their head region, while their bodies are more or less normal. Splode has the traditional Looney Tunes “cartoon bomb with fuse” for a head, and that is just perfect. So is his name. “Splode.” Of course he’s called Splode. It took a lot of narrowing down of a ton of characters to get here, but Splode and his bomb head is the winner of the last slot.
But I’m in for it all. Stupid sexy toys.