Not just Mr. Ultra. Captain. Captain Ultra. That is the most Ultra-superheroiest name in the history of the world.
Captain Ultra is your typical pyrophobic stand-up comic slash mental patient who had his potential unlocked by an alien psychiatrist while trying to be cured of smoking. That happens every third Tuesday where I’m from. Captain Ultra can do things Ultraly. That is a made up words that means Captain Ultra can do whatever he wants to do really super damn good. He can unlock the ultra-potential necessary to do things. And he can do them, like, really well.
He can fly, he’s strong, he’s fast…he’s probably a good kisser, if you’re into that kind of thing. He can do a bunch of things that Supermac dude can do, except at Ultra levels. Ultra is higher than Super.
Source: science.
He once told an ultra-joke. I’m assuming he can do a whole bunch of other things at Ultra-levels, like sing, dance and poop. There is nobody else in the Marvel Universe that can spell as well as Captain Ultra. He can even spell pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis without stopping to think about it.
Captain Ultra has never been what you would call a top-tier hero, but that has never stopped him. He will pop up every now and then, do something to an Ultra level, and then fade back into obscurity until a writer remembers he exists.
But that’s ok. Captain Ultra doesn’t need the limelight. He doesn’t need the attention. If he really wanted to be an A-lister, he could do it, because he’d Ultra do it. That’s how this works.
Captain Ultra has what one would probably call the most eye-popping and attention grabbing superhero costume the world has ever seen and will ever see. It is unafraid of what you think about it, because Captain Ultra knows that once you see it, you will never forget it. It will literally burn itself into your cornea, and you will carry the vision of Captain Ultra around with you for the rest of your life, like if one of those little squiggly floaty things decided to just stay there and never leave.
Captain Ultra can parallel park with such precision that it will make you weep.
Captain Ultra has a combination of various parts that are already in the library along with some design details that would need sculpting. The level of sculpting necessary can sometimes work against who and what gets made in the line, but I think an exception could be made for Captain Ultra, because Captain Ultra does action figuring Ultraly. We have never had an action figure in the entire line that would action figure as hard as a Captain Ultra figure. That is pure science based on hours of research.
I don’t think I have to say that Captain Ultra represents exactly the type of purely comic bookesque dude that I would love to see sprinkled into some wave. It’s the kind of figure that will immediately inspire people to say “who?” and/or point the pointing finger of everlasting pointing at him and call him a pegwarmer. Because toys, they are the serious bidness.
Regardless, Captain Ultra remains one of those characters that I would not only buy multiples of for the sheer giddy appreciation of them making Captain Ultra, but one that I could nod silently at right before the credits roll and the soundtrack swells, because I live my entire life like I’m in a movie and I’ve been waiting for the right closing shot for decades.
