It’s been a while since I’ve gotten all weepy and nostalgic about G.I. Joe, so indulge me. In truth, we’re closing in on the 2017 Toy Fair, so once again I’m getting that hopeful feeling in the back of my cortex for 6-inch G.I. Joes that always ends up being another year’s worth of disappointment. I’m braced and ready for disappointment, but I’m holding on to the optimism at the same time.
The irony is that we live in an age where we’re drowning in information. I always get a tiny chortle whenever a toy fan complains about the fact that there’s been no news about their favorite property. News? News used to be born in the toy aisle. The reporting came from the field, in the aisle, with a brand new wave suddenly showing up out of nowhere, without prototypes to scrutinize, without pictures from the booth or press releases or anything we get now. We were a reporting staff of one, and our circulation began and ended with ourselves. Our news came in the form of cardbacks with pictures of the new figures. Our news came in hard copies of the actual toys that we could pull off the pegs. That was news.
As exciting as it is to see the new toys roll out at Toy Fair and SDCC, it will never compare to discovering the new toys right there in the front lines where the linoleum has been worn down by the sneakers of hundreds or thousands of kids before you.
I pine for a wave of 6-inch G.I. Joes. At one point my top two most-wanted lines would have been Star Wars and G.I. Joe, both at 6 inches. I now find myself spoiled with choices for Star Wars, but G.I. Joe still remains the big question mark. I think it will happen. I’m … cautiously optimistic, at least. And when it comes, it will no doubt come in the form of a press release with pictures, or it will come at a Hasbro panel with some slightly out of focus slideshow pictures, or it will come in actual pictures of the prototypes in the booth. It will show up, but it will be months before I’ll be able to hold them, play with the, scrutinize them.
The news will come packaged with delayed gratification. Excitement sold separately.
It’s the way of things, and I’m definitely not complaining. The ability to know about toys months ahead of time is one of the wonders of the modern world. It gives you time to learn about characters you might not know much about, or plan budgets, or talk with other excited like-minded people about the toys you saw. But always, there’s this little feeling that underscores all of those experiences.
I want them now.
So there is a trade-off. Now we have pre-orders that guarantee us the toys that we want (if we’re smart enough to pre-order them) and we know exactly where and when we’re going to be able to get them with healthy and handy release dates. There is almost no surprise.
Is it better or worse to suddenly discover an entirely new wave right there in the toy aisle? No months of planning, no waiting, no pre-orders.
I don’t know. I can’t judge other people’s experiences. I can only judge mine, having been on both sides. Toys will debut at Toy Fair, and I will eventually be able to pre-order them from one seller or another. But it will be months until I’m holding them. Sometimes it’s even a year. A year! That is a significant chunk of time to maintain a level of excitement about something that only exists in the form of a coagulation of pixels.
But when it’s 1984 and you’re seeing the picture of the guy in gray camouflage for the first time and you see that he’s a Cobra Saboteur named Firefly … or when it’s 1986 and you see that there’s a Battle Android Trooper being added to the line and you wonder how it hasn’t existed before, there’s nothing that feels quite like it. Because that toy is out. It’s there, hidden behind Wet-Suit or behind the three Lifelines, maybe it’s been tucked away somewhere else, so you dig and discover all these new characters and you start prioritizing them. I want _____ first, but ______ looks cool also, and holy crap, _____ looks awesome. Tiger Force? What’s a Tiger Force? Oh, it’s older figures repainted to look new. Cool, I never got the original Duke, but I can get Tiger force Duke! And Dusty!
All the Toy Fairs and SDCCs and press releases in the world can’t match up to the fact that you’ll be going home with that brand new toy that day. Maybe two of them, if your sweet talking is up to snuff.
Despite that, I’m not saying that I want it to go back to the way it was. Plentifully stocked stores eventually dwindled to that thing toy collectors know as “the hunt.” Oh yes, the hunt existed when I was a kid also, because no store had everything. Just … almost everything. The hunt is the worst thing about the hobby now. I don’t think we can have the surprise without the hunt, so give me enjoyable pre-orders, patience and lazy collecting over stressing out about my disposable entertainment any day.
But yeah, I do admit that I miss the sudden surprise of the toy aisle reveal. But there are still surprises to be had, they’ve just changed their clothes since I was a kid. I could still be surprised by the announcement of a 6-inch G.I. Joe wave. At this point it would surprise the hell out of me, but I’ll take it.
Nostalgia sold separately.
