Now, I’m not saying I have a Short-Fuze, but it kind of makes me Grunt with rage that there’s no 6-inch G.I. Joe line. I’ve been keeping my peepers peeled like a Hawk, but so far there’s not a trace of news from Hasbro or any other line — like, say, Mezco and their One:12 line. I know that there’s a significant bias towards the smaller figures, so there’s no way of knowing if it would be a Grand Slam, but isn’t it worth it to try? I mean, I’m willing to put up with the Scarlett tinge of embarrassment if the dice are thrown and come up Snake Eyes. Personally, I think if they were announced, pre-orders would sell out like a Flash.
Frankly, I’m so Gung-Ho to start buying a 6-inch G.I. Joe line I’m ready to fight anyone who isn’t. Seriously, put your Dukes up, and you’ll need a Doc by the time I’m through. My fists will be like a Torpedo sending you Airborne, and that ain’t no Snow Job. That’s how much I want this to happen; a man not prone to violent outbursts going off like a Blowtorch, burning the world down around him.
I’m just wondering what the Roadblock is that’s keeping them from being made. Maybe someone lacks the Spirit necessary to make it happen? Is there some Airtight reason that the no company seems willing or able to make it happen? Because the Joe line isn’t even doing well at the small scale. It’s plummeting fast, and someone needs to pull the Ripcord to breathe a little extra life into it.
I just don’t know. I keep hoping at some point someone will wipe off this Dusty property and really inject it with a brand new energy. Turn this elevator music we’re currently getting into a Heavy Metal extravaganza that will Keel-Haul all the naysayers. A 6-inch G.I. Joe line would be like bringing a Bazooka to a knife fight. All it takes is one spark, one good promo shot of a decent fully kitted-out 6-inch G.I. Joe figure to strike the Flint and start the proper Barbecue. It’ll provide the necessary Quick Kick of adrenaline needed to ignite a fever Cross-Country. These guys have a major part of my life, and they seem to need a desperate Lifeline tossed to them. It’s like the property is the Titanic and it’s headed for an Iceberg. Do you really want to see this property become just another Shipwreck lost in the annals of history? I know, me neither.
I may be biased and optimistic due to my own love and devotion, but I foresee an Avalanche of sales. I mean, I don’t want to Jinx it, but there’s no way it could fail. It gives me the Chuckles just thinking of how much room I’d have to make in my display for all the 6-inch G.I. Joe goodness. Every year at SDCC-time I think, “Maybe this is the year.” Of course, every year it ends up being a Psyche-Out, and I come away slightly disappointed at no news, not even a Sneak Peek or a “coming soon.”
I’m ready to play Hardball, though. Even if I say it over and over to the point where I’m an annoying Repeater, I’m going to keep making my case. I’ll keep pumping out these Hit & Run articles as long as I have to, until I’m vindicated by a 6-inch G.I. Joe announcement. I’ll Spearhead the charge if I have to, and Countdown the days until that Wildcard is finally shown. I’ll be ridiculed, sure. I can stand the Recoil because I’m looking Long Range with my plans. One day there will be breaking news, and that Scoop will say “6-Inch G.I. Joe line has been announced.“
I’ll be there, celebrating with each and every one of you, grabbing my Bullhorn and shouting my excitement. This Cold Front we’re currently feeling is just the calm before the Major Storm. I don’t know why, but I can feel it. Something big is coming. A Salvo that will strike Rapid fire and leave us gasping for air.
It may not be this year. It might take until next year. I can be patient. But some Heavy Duty news about 6-inch G.I. Joes has to be coming. It just has to.
I ain’t getting any younger here.