31 Thoughts on Toys for Thursday the 31st

Because long, drawn-out articles on a single subject can get tiresome, let’s indulge in a little attention deficit and tackle a month’s worth of daily thoughts all at once! Brace yourselves and let’s dive in!

1. It’s been mentioned here and there by many others, but now that it looks like Mezco is going to be digging a decent little trench through the DC Universe, I might lose my mind if this doesn’t somehow get me a Sgt. Rock. In fact, if this was a wishlist, he might just be at the top. I can’t think of a more well-matched character/execution than Mezco’s One:12 stuff.
2. Pop! Vinyls have been digging into some odd properties, but if it could somehow get me a George Jefferson Pop! it would all be worth it. Well we’re movin’ on up . . . Weezy!
3. Dear Mattel and DCUC: Your Legion of Superheroes set was awesome, but if there was only going to be one, why oh why was Mon-el not included? I mean, we’re cool because of Wildfire, but seriously . . . Mon-El, man. Mon-El.
4. It’s taking way too long to get a Transformers Masterpiece Blaster with requisite cassettes. I’d have thought for sure he would have been announced by now . . . with Twincast coming up right behind on his heels.
5. I know the common desire for a villainous companion to the Hot toys Adam West and Burt Ward figures would be the Joker because the Joker is always the first in line for Bat-villains, but, for me, Burgess Meredith’s Penguin stole the show every time he appeared, and I’d prioritize him over the Clown Prince.
6. Don’t mind me, I’m patiently waiting for an announcement of a Bandai Model Kit 2-1B. All alone way over here. The only one. So . . . cold . . .
7. Hey, anybody doing the Kickstarter toy thing: gunslingers. One pistol, one rifle, one shotgun, maybe an old-timey cranking Gatling gun and I will love you long time. Make some various cowboys and you’ll have a fan for life. Outlaw cowboys, living hard where the dust hangs in the air like regret. It’s the only way to ride.
8. I don’t like Shazam with a hood. I don’t know why he would need a hood. In fact, I don’t like Shazam being called “Shazam.” That’s like He-Man calling himself “I have the power.” No no, don’t argue; it’s exactly like that.
9. Sure, Figuarts has made a Michael Jackson, Daft Punk, and Freddie Mercury, and NECA is doing a retro-styled Weird Al Yankovic, but I think the question we’re all asking ourselves is where are the Hall and Oates action figures?
10. For the first time in my life I’ve been catching some reruns of old Tom Baker episodes of Doctor Who. I can’t necessarily call myself a “fan” of Doctor Who, but when it’s on it’s so hard to look away. Is it the scarf? I think its the scarf. Don’t make me want Doctor Who toys, dammit.
11. If the Marvel Legends Wonder Man is on the Hyperion body, I’m voting for Trump, because that would mean the universe makes no sense anyway, so what does it matter?
12. Sure, we have Terminator, John Matrix, and Dutch, but without Quaid with extra pack-in bulging “scientifically accurate airless Martian surface head” we don’t really have anything.
13. There are no Addams Family toys. Dafuuuuh?
14. Spoiler alert . . . you know at the end of Avengers: Age of Ultron when Thanos said, “Fine, I’ll do it myself,” or whatever? He was referring to the fact that he was going to make his own damn Black Series and/or Figuarts Lando figure.
15. I don’t believe in “adult toys.” I believe in kid’s toys that adults collect and play with.
16. I have held the mistaken notion that I didn’t start customizing until 2006. But then I remembered those twist-tie action figures I made when I was a kid. One for the legs, one for the arms, one for the body and one circle for the head. If you had different colors, you had different characters.
17. The swivel-arm battle grip should get a spot in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Think about that one for a minute.
18. Remember when everybody was so pissed off about Super Powers and Super Friends in DCUC and all that grr and arrgh going on? It got into a whole cartoon versus “old toy” versus comic thing. It got nuts for a while. Meanwhile, I wanted a Janus figure. “Who?” you say. Yeah, exactly.
19. I guess there’s no shot at Fat Albert figures in the near future, eh? Dammit, Bill!
20. I haven’t see Batman V Superman yet, but I’m assuming the post-credits scene was Batman handing Superman a bottle of Coke and then Superman yelling out “Hey Kid,” and tossing Batman his red trunks. If you don’t get that reference, that’s okay because it makes an equal amount of sense for those who do.
21. I’ve never seen a Care Bear with enough articulation to make me want to buy it. I’m not sure if I should be proud that’s the only speed bump, or if I should be a little weirded out.
22. These people complaining about the Hasbro figures all being the same body repainted are clearly not Smurfs fans.
23. Apparently for a cat there is “always” and “never,” without any in-between. I wish a cat were in charge of making flexible capes for my toys. Stiff capes are like a dude humming in the library: all right already, we acknowledge your existence. Now go away.
24. Can it be universally decided that making toys with clear joints is like Michael Bay filming a movie about the Hindenburg? The inevitable is inevitable.
25. If you really stop and think about it, you can cover so many movies with just a single John Candy figure. Give that one a thought, NECA
26. If I’m being completely honest about it, despite all the various attempts over the years, I still don’t have a really good Superman figure, and I’m not sure the upcoming Icons figure will fill that void any better than all the other attempts. Mezco’s attempt might, but it’s still looking iffy.
27. Am I the only one that would buy a set of Martin & Lewis figures? Don’t answer; I don’t want to know.
28. At some point in the very near future Hasbro will have the last laugh by putting out a full wave of just Ghost Rider bikes. No figures, just bikes.
29. At some point I realized with some measure of resigned acceptance that I will just keep buying those four Turtles with the artist names over and over and over and over and over. Once you accept that as reality, a calming calm calms its way over you calmly.
30. On the day they make a Married . . . With Children action figure line, they will over-produce Al Bundy figures. They will prove to be poor sellers, thus finally turning Al Bundy into the ultimate Peg warmer, which will finally make his wife very, very happy.
31. Michael Keaton walked into a bar and said, “Give me some Beetlejuice, you asshole.” The bartender gave him a disgusted look and said, “Who the hell do you think you are?” Michael said, “I’m Batman.” The bartender reached for a baseball bat under the bar, held it up and said, “Yeah, me too. Are you for real?” Michael held up his hands and laughed and said, “Nah, I’m just Keaton.”

Good Night everyone!