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Hasbro: G.I. Joe Classified Series Dr. Mindbender Review

Mindbender the maniacal, muscled, monocled, mustachioed, mad scientist menace has joined the Cobra ranks, and he is glorious.

Few toy lines could handle the bare-chested, codpieced wonderment that is Dr. Mindbender. The former dentist turned sadistic interrogator erupted onto the scene in 1986, bringing with him a level of absolute swagger heretofore unseen in toy history. Sure, He-man went into battle with barely anything but a furry loincloth and a tan, but did he have a monocle?

No.

Very few men can pull off a monocle.

Very few men are Dr. Mindbender.

Mindbender strides into the GI Joe Classified line devoid of updates or toning down. Devoid of tacticooling or superseriousization. Devoid of shirt. Devoid of shame.

Mindbender was a pricier figure, but he comes loaded with accessories. Whether or not they were absolutely necessary is up to the purchaser, but they are pretty damn cool, and in keeping with his whole “nutbag scientist guy” thing.

The figure itself is mostly great. The articulation is your standard Classified workings, and everything works great…except for the hips. I’ve had a pretty great streak of these figures having far improved hips, but Mindbender is back to being a little too tight. I was a little too afraid to move them without doing some work to get them more mobile—I did notice a tiny bit of white stressing trying to get them looser during the photo session—so because of that he’s not going to be terribly dynamic in these pictures. I’m haven’t had to do it for a decent amount of figures, but I’m going to be removing the hips, denubbing the balls and then adding shock oil if necessary. Once all of that is done, Mindbender should be up to full range.

Outside of the hips, everything else is gorgeous. The mustache itself is price for admission. He looks like he’s about to take Daisy out on a bicycle built for two…to the death!!!11!! This dastardly dick is one step away from tying a girl to the train tracks.  

He is evil, is what I’m saying.

The fabric cape looks great, and does a good job of not impeding the supersexy funtime that I want to have with my figures. I did notice that my shoulders have a bit of discoloration from the cape, something that is apparently widespread. I’m going to try a bit of alcohol and then acetone to see if it comes off.

As I said, Mindbender comes with a decent amount of accessories. First, he comes with his original vintage weapon, which is an electric prod of sorts. It attaches to a battery unit that pegs into his back. I did feel like the battery thingie is pegged wrong—it rests awkwardly with the attachment point at the top of the unit. It seems like the cord would feel more comfortable pegged at the bottom. I know you’re saying “just flip it around” but the peg that connects to his belt is too high for that. Basically the peg system needs to be swapped. If you’ve connected everything you more than likely know what I’m talking about. Maybe. It of course, could always be just me.

He also comes with a second variation on the same theme that plugs similarly. There a sidearm that he can holster, along with an injection gun used for—weird science stuff.

There’s a skull that the included brain can fit into, along with a container for the brain. There’s a zombified hand that can fit into the larger container. There are a handful of diodes that can be plugged into either container.

Basically, it’s a lot of cool science stuff. There are figures that come with beakers and test tubes that can be added to the assortment for even more science goodness.

I didn’t think I needed it before, but Mindbender makes me want to get Jadatoys’ Frankenstein’s Monster deluxe set with the pivoting operating table.

Dammit!

Mindbender was always a figure that stood out in the Joe line, in the best way. He just has a look that screams “do not mess with that guy.” You know he does pushups in between measurements. He’s the perfect intersection between scary super-science and gym rat flexing. He can splice DNA and bench a BAT. The Classified version is the perfect update to that long-ago figure, keeping everything great about the original design, which was pretty much everything.

He has no shirt and he must science.

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