Six inch scale Joes are finally happening and lots of my fellow toy nerds already have the first wave in hand. I only have Snake Eyes, so I’m amusing myself and pushing away jealous thoughts by dreaming of my top 5 most wanted figures in the Classified line. But what criteria do I use? Surely there are many ways to pick and decide. You could focus on prominent characters from the show or comics. That seems logical, but I went another way…pure nostalgia, baby.
I have a somewhat odd relationship with G.I. Joe as I had one of those mothers who would not buy, or allow me to buy any of the toys. I was able to watch the show, but I think that just made me covet the toys even more! I did manage to get my hot hands on a few figures and they became prized possessions, so seeing those characters in the new line is a big priority for me.
#5 Tomax and Xamot
I’m not sure why I loved the Crimson Twins so much, but they stood out to me on the show. The silly gimmick of causing psychic damage to one twin by hurting the other did factor into a lot of my play time. Poor Tomax was always getting the drop on some hapless Joe and was finally going to murder the do-gooder, but woops, Xamot got punched and therefore ruined everything.
I must confess I’m still to this day not sure which twin is which. The Crimson Guard is also my favorite looking trooper from Cobra, so maybe that is part of it. I saw these two in the store one day with my dad. He was the type of dad who dragged his kids along for all of his errands on the weekends. I went to all the hardware stores, plant nurseries, car repair spots in San Diego with him but he was always good to kick down some donuts and stop in at a nearby toy store after errands were done. I had money to buy the figures and we both knew my mom wouldn’t like it, but he let me get them anyway. I always appreciated that.
#4 Major Bludd
I normally couldn’t buy and my mom wouldn’t buy G.I. Joe figures but she wasn’t so cruel as to take the toy away if somebody else gave it to me and I got the Cobra Mercenary for my Birthday one year. Even as a kid, I was obsessed with articulation and Major Bludd was the most advanced figure in some respects with the swivel arm, but then he had that solid brick of a right arm. That thing bugged me, but I do remember Bludd using it often to bludgeon opponents.
I really liked what Sideshow did with their Major Bludd and I could see Hasbro leaning that way for the Classified line.
#3 Rock ‘n Roll
My first and only Joe, the Machine Gunner Rock ‘n Roll was outnumbered but never outgunned. I lost the helmet and his thumb broke off, but he triumphed in innumerable back yard battles. I gained a lot more appreciation for Rock ‘n Roll and Clutch while re-reading the Hama comics recently and I’m super curious how Hasbro would tackle the original army green fatigue characters in their new style.
I tend to like the classic card art look, but if they went the way of the Sideshow figure, I wouldn’t mind. They can skip version 2 with the bullet hat and mini-guns though. I’m not a fan of that one.
#2 Thrasher and Thunder Machine
You know, it never occurred to me to tell my childhood friends what I wanted for my birthday, but one of my buddies did get my psychic message and bought be the Thunder Machine one year. I had not seen Mad Max or The Road Warrior at this point, so I had no real context for the design of this armored muscle car outside of Tonka’s Steel Monsters line, but the aesthetic of the Dreadnoks called to me.
I liked Zartan and the Dreadnoks before this, but the Thunder Machine with it’s double gattling guns and jet engine booster made me a fan. The Thunder Machine does feel like a stretch for a six inch scale line, but it’s not much bigger than a speeder, so maybe it’s doable? I’m also so curious to see how the modern aesthetic meshes with the oh-so-very-’80s style of the Dreadnoks.
#1 Zartan
I never did get a Zartan. I did, however, have a neighbor friend who got him and let me borrow him for a couple of days. Oh, what a glorious couple of days I had applying the disguise mask and then putting it back in the back pack, zipping him around on his swamp skier, and experimenting with the color change effect.
Alas, he eventually went back to my friend, but we had those two days, Zartan. I never got another Zartan, so I really need this guy in G.I. Classified. I’m sure Zartan is high on Hasbro’s to do list, but I need him in that ’80s style belly shirt. Color changing would also be much appreciated.
That’s my top 5 nostalgic choices for G.I. Joe Classified characters, what are yours? Let me know down below or on our forums!
