If you’ve been paying attention to pop culture news outlets, you’ll know by now that a poster for the upcoming Star wars Episode IX has been leaked. Now, the legitimacy of anything leaked is always in question, and as with anything, details might not be finalized. But who care, it’s Star Wars, and I already want toys.
Specifically, I will buy the red Stormtroopers. I will buy every red Stormtrooper.
Stormtroopers are cool. That is a fact. It doesn’t matter if they’re the original troopers, the new First Order troopers, flame troopers, snow troopers, sand troopers, black troopers, on and on. I just really like buying the troopers in the Star Wars Universe. I liked it quite a bit when the Shadow trooper became a thing and I was able to get that in a couple of venues. Taking something that was mostly white and making it mostly black upped the cool by about 50 percent.
But now I have the chance to buy them in my favorite color?
I already have an obsession bordering on clinical with the Emperor’s Guard. That is one sexy set of red-robed goodness. And then with the Last Jedi, we got even more red guardsmen. So the color red is not foreign to Star Wars.
But now red Stormtroopers…
It’s like if the Ferrari Testarossa I drooled over as a kid in the 80s could stand upright and shoot at people, and not in a “more than meets the eye” way.
Hasbro will be doing them, of course. Hasbro can be counted on to do the troopers. But I’m thinking beyond that. I’ll be getting the Figuarts versions. I’ll be preordering the MAFEX versions as soon as I can. And I have no doubt that a model kit will be forthcoming, so that’s a guarantee as well. Funko will probably be doing a Pop! Vinyl version, and I’ll even get that.
I’ll get them all, dammit.
Yes. I am the guy that gives the marketing people erections, because I am all over anything that is brand new and shiny in the Star Wars Universe. “Just take the same thing and make it red” they say while rubbing their…hands…together and counting their money, and I am the guy sitting out here saying “THEY MADE IT IN RED I WILL BUY THEM ALL WHY AM I STILL HOLDING MONEY?”
I am going to buy every version of the damn red Stormtroopers. I will be squatting on a mountain of red plastic.
If they decided to re-release Darth Vader in the completely canonically wrong color red, I would buy it, and then my brain would more than likely explode, because it wouldn’t be able to deal with how friggin’ cool a red Vader would look. So yeah, I am that guy.
Also, I will buy the new Kylo. I will buy whatever “Knights of Ren” they decide to make. I will buy that chick in the purple leotard with the funky helmet. I will buy C-3P0 with a bandolier and bowcaster.
I have every C-3P0 but I will buy this one also, because it’s C-3P0 with a bowcaster.
I’m going to buy Rey again with whatever lightsaber she’s holding. I’ll buy Poe. I’ll buy Force Ghost Luke (Force Ghost Luke not shown, but you know he’s going to be there).
I’ll buy Finn. I’ll buy that other lady up there. I’ll buy that alien thing behind Finn. I’ll buy old-yet-still suave Lando Calrissian—also not shown. I’ll buy Rose in whatever she’ll be wearing. I’ll buy this alien, and that random dude, and maybe that other guy.
But mainly, I will be buying red Stormtroopers. I might not be buying as many as there are in the poster, but close.
Very close.
Another Star Wars movie is on the way. Take my damn money.