In a franchise like Star Wars, where you get actual names for the main characters but “weird-looking guy back there” could have been either Ralph, Englebert, or a Stewart, the toys were often the only time you got a name for “weird looking guy back there.” And that’s not the punchiest thing to put on a vintage toy package. Almost nobody has ever said, “I want a figure of weird looking guy back there.” I say almost because … you know who you are.
As time went on, most of those background players have received real names by various methods, either role-playing guides or novelizations or nerds. But the cards were where we learned most of the names. And it is extremely hard to shake those old instincts. It is with considerable effort that I remember to call the robot bounty hunter with the insect head “4-LOM” and the dude wearing the adult-theater overcoat and gas mask “Zuckuss,” because for the longest time those dudes had swapped name tags and it was super-embarrassing at the bounty hunter conventions.
As I’ve said in a previous article that I will link to with the magic internet power of blue text, you can call him Momaw Nadon, but he will always be Hammerhead to me.
So it was world-shattering that one time I found out that “guy that looks like he needs a drink” on Jabba’s skiff wasn’t really named Weequay, but that his alien species was Weequay.
Mind … blown.
So my Luke action figure wasn’t slicing and dicing “Weequay” the proud and noble warrior with a face like an ass that’s been in corduroy all day. He was slicing up “random Weequay dude.”
Which means he could have been slicing up … Mitch. Or George. Or Wilbur.
You really had to be careful about a character if they weren’t actually named in the movies. A name could be mistaken for an insult. Can you imagine if you walked up to Squid Head and said, “Hey Squid Head,” and he bursts into tears yelling, “My name is Tessek!!” that is awkward at any party, like if you’re named “Felicia.” Everybody in the world is going to be saying “Bye Felicia” every time you walk away. Like … every time.
If they lied to me about Weequay, did they lie to me about Nikto? Was his name not Nikto? Did he not play Tic Tac Toe? Did Nikto want to play with day-glo Play-Doh, but he was sick, though?
A little research shows that Nikto was a species, but Klaatu was a name … and Klaatu belonged to the Nikto species, but the vintage figures were named Klaatu and Nikto. And Barada? He was a Klatooinian. From Klatooine. But Klaatu wasn’t from Klatooine. And they all worked on Tatooine.
Aaargh!
It was much simpler back then.
The point (and there is a point) in the Black Series line, we have Jabba. We have Jedi Luke and some of those other guys. But we have nothing from the Skiff Guard segment of our movie, and that was like … an awesome part of the movie and stuff. While I doubt we’ll be getting a full-sized Skiff (man, I hate not ever getting that thing when I was a kid. I had to use the edge of the couch and a popsicle stick. It is so hard to take things seriously when Luke is walking the popsicle stick. Oh noeses Moses, the invisible Sarlacc in the carpet is going to get you!!! …) it would still be great to get those funky aliens. These guys have fantastic designs, and they just scream “badass.” I think they’d make excellent figures, and they’re a much needed group to flesh out the opening portion of RotJ. I’d need a bigger popsicle stick for sure, but it would be tons of fun to re-enact those scenes with much bigger and better figures, even if I don’t know who to call what anymore: Klaatu, Barada, Nikto, Marcia, Jan, Greg John Boy, Half-Pint, Theo, Rudy, Denise, Sipowicz and so forth. Doesn’t matter.
Next you’ll be telling me Han’s dad named him after the family dog or something. Where does it end, vintage Star Wars action figure line made of lies? When does it end?