Picture it: Funko, 2016 …
We are currently living in strange times. When a mid-’80s sitcom about four older women cohabiting in a Miami home ends up with a collection of retro-styled toys over 30 years after the premier date of their show, well, I don’t know what else to tell you other than anything can happen in toyland. I guess those of you waiting for Night Court toys might get your wish.
I’ve never spent too much time thinking about it, but it might have been considered a little odd for a kid in the 1980s to be completely comfortable calling himself a fan of a show about what was essentially four ancient (to a kid) women. But I was. Because the damn show was hilarious. NBC was firing on all cylinders back then, when the Cosby Show, Golden Girls and Cheers could be found side by side with ALF, Family Ties and the Facts of Life. It’s entirely possible I watched too much television, but that’s an entirely different issue.
Despite my appreciation of the show, Golden Girls action figures were never on the tip of my “gottahave” list, either as a kid or now. It’s not that I was ever against such a thing manifesting itself, it’s just that the likelihood of a toy line based around four slightly older women isn’t the kind of thing that you think will ever happen. But, as I said, we are living in strange times.
Funko’s ReAction line is pretty perfect for a concept like this. What better way to celebrate a show with such a vintage air than with vintage-styled figures. When I first saw images of these figures, I immediately knew I would have to have a set of them. Of course, knowing they were NYCC exclusives put a huge crimp in that plan. The best case scenario was that I’d be able to grab a set off eBay for a decent price. I mean, it’s not like there could be so many Golden Girls fans that the set would command a stupid-high premium price, right?
More on that later.
Luckily, the set was a shared exclusive with Target. A combination of timing and luck netted me a set before they disappeared completely. Even when you’re making the order, filling out the info and hitting submit, you have this weird question tugging at your dark and squirmy insides: “Am I really buying Golden Girls figures?”
Yes, you dumb botchagaloop, you really are.
It was a relatively painless process done from the comfort of home. A few days later I checked out eBay out of curiosity to see if there were any sets available for a reasonable price. It occurred to me I might want to get a second set. You never know when you might need a backup, you know?
Well, the prices I saw on eBay immediately killed that idea. Sets of these tough old broads were going for prices up to $300.
Panic set in. I still didn’t have my set in hand. Anything could happen to them. Sheesh.
Luckily, everything turned out well in the end and I got my set in great shape without hassle. But still … whodathunk it?
ReAction figures are very divisive, as many can’t see the charm in such retro stylings. These figures feature five points of articulation, very basic sculpting and aren’t really impressive in comparison to the types of toys that are being modern with modern toynology. But dammit, there’s just such a charming quality to them. I guess that comes from living in a time when this WAS toys, and we didn’t know any different.
I don’t usually comment on or care about packaging, but this has been done very nicely. A simple window box so you can see all four ladies lined up, and a screen shot from the show on the back, showing them at the kitchen table, which, as any fan of the show knows, is where all the big issues were solved. Nice and simple.
The figures themselves are exactly what you’d expect, warts and all. There is an imperfect quality to them. The paint isn’t perfect, the detailing isn’t precise, and the figures are as retro as can be. But, like I said before, there’s a charm there if you’re into that sort of thing.
The late Rue McClanahan portrayed Blanche Devereaux, a Southern belle widow with a sex drive larger than all of the cast of that other show about older women — Sex and the City — combined. Her figure features her signature style, complete with matching pocketbook.
There’s a bit of glitter in her paint, which is perfect for the character.
There’s something weird going on with her mouth. She has a big smile, but I’m not sure if there’s a smile sculpted there. It’s almost like they painted a smile overtop of a closed mouth. It’s really hard to tell. From a distance, it looks okay, but it looks weird when you look too close. Despite that, it’s unmistakably Blanche, which is the best compliment one can give to this scale and style.
Next up is Rose Nylund, portrayed by the immortal Betty White. Rose was another widow, a wisely naïve Minnesotan who provided some of the best humor due to her slightly vapid demeanor. This is another great likeness, though Rose looks almost too young here, like she actually belongs in a Mary Tyler Moore boxset. 
Betty white never really ages though — she called Pharaohs by their first name — so that’s nitpicking.
Sophia Petrillo was the feistiest member of the group. The oldest character of the four, she was portrayed by the late Estelle Getty, who was the youngest actress of them all and was also the first to pass away. 
Sophia was the mother of the fourth member of our group and an elderly fireball fresh out of a retirement home who had a stroke and very little control over what came out of her mouth.
Sophia is a diminutive figure among small figures, with her ever-present pocketbook and a pair of slightly oversized glasses that is expected with figures like this. Her feet are sculpted so she has to be permanently hunched slightly to achieve the proper balance, which is actually appropriate. Whether that was done on purpose, I don’t know.
And finally, we have Dorothy Zbornak, as portrayed by Bea Arthur. Dorothy is Sophia’s daughter and a divorcee, not a widow — a rarity among the four. A ballsy, brassy, sharp-tongued woman, Dorothy seemed incapable of taking crap from anyone.
Dorothy receives possibly the best head sculpt of them all. Bea Arthur’s disdainful glare is legendary, and this figure captures it perfectly. 
She also comes with a removable scarf and …
What the …
Hey, I’m trying to …
Oh, well … okay.
Hm. That was … weird.
I guess I’m done reviewing her, then.
Well, there you have it, folks.