Ok, so I have a healthy enough knowledge of ’80s toys since that was my prime childhood toy-enjoying time, and I’ve never heard of this line before. Remember Lazer Tag? Of course you do. Well, apparently there was another version of Lazer Tag called Photon. This was accompanied by a show and a toyline, and that toyline is what I’m focusing on here.
The toys did not become succesful. I know, jaw on the floor time, but that’s the way it was in the ’80s: the big dogs ate while the little ones starved.
Only two figures made it out, but a handful of other figures were designed and made it to prototype stage. These were put out by LJN, the people behind Thundercats. But these were not Thundercats, so off to the discount stores they went, which as anyone knows is the graveyard of unloved toylines
But if you take a look at these toys through a filter of “what could be done now”…they start looking just a little awesome.
The two produced figures were Bhodi Li and Warriar. Bhodi Li isn’t exactly Luke Skywalker, but there’s a decent future-tech design going on there, part Buck Rogers part Flash Gordon part every other science fiction series ever. Warriar is a four armed orange alien monster thing that would look fantastic with full articulation and modern updated sculpting.
They were the only figures released…and they are actually the least interesting. It’s the unproduced figures where the niftiness starts.
First you’ve got Leon. Yes, Leon. The naming division didn’t go nuts with the creativity, but Leon is some kind of lizard monster dude with a big bazooka-esque gun. Again, just picture him as done now and he’d be a fun looking science-fictiony villain.
After Leon we’ve got Pyarr, the techno-pirate. There’s not enough pirate toys. Look how cool he is. Clamphand and pegleg and sword and bionic eye and all kinds of toyish goodness. Is he good? Is he bad? I have no idea, because research is icky, but I’m going with bad. Arrr!
Then you’ve got Mandarr and Pike. Mandarr looks nuts. All those techy elements would look fantastic sculpted nowadays. And Pike is very unique looking, all squat and wide and alien and weird.
Last up in this group is Destructarr. Isn’t that a name that can only be applied to an ’80s toy? Destructarr! I am Destructarr! You can just imagine him saying his name while he’s eating his cereal in the morning before he kisses his wife and goes to work.
“I AM DESTRUCTARR!”
“Honey can you bring home some milk?”
“DESTRUCTARR WILL GET THE SQUEEZINGS OF THE BOVINE WHEN THE UNIVERSE IS IN ASHES AT HIS FEET!”
“That’s nice dear, don’t forget to feed the cat.”
Look at him. Look at that cannon on his arm. He looks like Megatron mated with a ferret and then fell in some paint samples.
There were supposed to be more figures but 1987 happened and killed the dreams of 1986 and the shooting of lasers at other people. You can find hazy images of what could have been strewn across the internet. Someone needs to buy this property for 15 cents and make some updated figures, or risk the wrath of Destructarr the crotchety.
*credit to Toyarchive.com for most of the images on this page