There is no film icon like James Bond. Period. Through 23 official movies, James Bond has relentlessly dispatched evildoers with style and panache unmatched among all others. With the recent release of the teaser trailer to Spectre, Bond’s 24th cinematic appearance, 2015 will once again fall under the spell of the world’s greatest spy. In only three movies, Daniel Craig has brought a concept that brought a concept that was increasingly growing stale and bankrupt of ideas 21st century and is making some of the best Bond movies this side of Connery, and I have high expectations that the new movie will be just as Bonderrific.
Wouldn’t this be the perfect time for a comprehensive 1/12th scale action figure line? Of course it would.
Sure to be a likeness-rights nightmare, a comprehensive Bond toy line would have to include not only a landfall of Bonds, but some of the best villains and love interests to hit the silver screen. We’re talking about waves and waves of figures here. When I was a kid the only chance I got to watch the Bond movies was on Sunday night when ABC would run a random movie. Sometimes it would be Superman, sometimes it would be one of the Star Wars movies, but other times it would be one of the many Bond movies that had been made up to that point. Just through those sporadic showings I got a pretty in-depth education into the Bond world (when I was allowed to stay up late enough to watch them, that is.) Those Bond villains became as iconic as Darth Vader to me, and while I was hip deep in G.I. Joe, MotU and Super Powers, I’d always secretly pine for an Oddjob or a Jaws figure equal to the Joe line.
To do the line justice, all the iconic villains would need representation. While I’m waiting for the Star Wars Black Series to provide me with a Christopher Lee figure, it would be poetic if a Bond line beat them to the punch and hit me with a Scaramanga complete with his golden gun. And is there anybody out there that doesn’t want a Yaphet Kotto figure?
I thought not.
From Dr. No to Goldfinger to a handful of different Blofelds to the last Bond’ movies Raoul Silva as portrayed by Javier Bardem, it’s a freakin’ bad guy bonanza.
But seriously: Jaws. This unrelenting, gigantic juggernaut needs to be made as soon as possible. He remains my favorite Bond bad guy ever, never failing to be completely awesome in each movie he showed his metal-filled mouth. Give this guy a pair of heads: neutral, and full-grin, showing off those chompers, and you’ve got a fantastic toy and a friend for life.
Then there’s the women. Be there any who would not snap up an action figure called Pussy Galore? Man or woman, gay or straight, you will stop in the aisle and look at a figure called Pussy Galore and you will nod your head as if the stars aligned and all is right with the universe. From Pussy to Honey Ryder to Tracy and Vesper, Bond needs his women as much as he needs a Walther.
Then there’s the women. Be there any who would not snap up an action figure called Pussy Galore? Man or woman, gay or straight, you will stop in the aisle and look at a figure called Pussy Galore and you will nod your head as if the stars aligned and all is right with the universe. From Pussy to Honey Ryder to Tracy and Vesper, Bond needs his women as much as he needs a Walther.
All this and we haven’t even come to the main man himself. Bond is an absolute treasure chest of action figures. As portrayed by Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig, there are a ton of variations that can be made. Everyone has their favorite, and everyone has the Bond that rubs them the wrong way, but among those 6 there’s enough for everybody to get what they want. I will never be a huge fan of Dalton or Brosnan’s Bonds (plenty dislike odd man out Lazenby, but I didn’t think he did that bad a job) but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t eagerly add both of them to the collection if it meant getting the others. Put simply, I am a Bond fan, and they’re all welcome.
From suit to tuxedos to tactical to scuba to space and all ports in between, Bond can sustain a line all on his own, not even counting villains and women. If this hypothetical toy line could somehow manage to make a box set of all the Bonds in suits sporting their signature weapon in a display box that played the Bond theme the Earth’s mantle might crack from the strain of containing that much holycrapthat’sawesome.
We’re living in a unique and joyous time when cinematic action icons are getting their due with great figures. It is high time Bond gets the respect he deserves, so all the little boys and little girls can benefit. These could be the Greatest Toys Never Made.
