No, I don’t mean the figures with the wiggliest legs — I’m talking about those Marvel Legends that seem to defy placement on our shelves.
They might be time-displaced heroes, alternate-universe stragglers, or just characters stuck sporting out-of-date costumes — no matter who you have working the door on your collection, a few of these bums will always manage to sneak in.
Captain Britain
The good Captain has enjoyed modest popularity here in the U.S., but he lacks an “I Want to Hold Your Hand”-level hit to push him into the Marvel mainstream. He deserves a break, and I’d like to give him one, but I have no idea where to put his figure. He’s associated with the X-Men, but he’s not technically a mutant, so his inclusion on their shelf seems like a bit of a trespass. I had him hanging out with Captain America, Union Jack, and Guardian, but it was starting to look like an Anglophiles Anonymous meeting, so he’s on his own now.
Xorn
I’m not an X-Men guy, so making Xorn’s story any more confusing than “Magneto in disguise” means I’m tapping out. In spite of not caring about the character, I have his figure (call it a compulsion) so I’m faced with the dilemma: where the heck do I put him? Should I consider this Magneto? Or is this Joesph, Magneto’s clone? Does he go with the villains or the X-Men? Considering none of my other X-Men are wearing costumes from this era, and I already have Magneto on my shelf, means ol’ metal-head here spends most of his time rocking out at the bottom of a box.
The Monsters
In spite of its obvious flaws, I love this set. Marvel horror of the 1970s hit just the right note with young Anthill. Dracula vs. Spider-Man? Shut up and take my money! The question is, where do I put my Monster action figures? With space limited, it’s hard to devote an entire shelf to the supernatural side, but the set doesn’t seem to fit anywhere else. I’ve tried them alongside my vigilantes like Moon Knight and Punisher, but blending gritty reality and comic-book horror doesn’t work for me. The Monsters don’t really gel with my “First Appearance” figures, my Spidey shelf is too crowded, and these guys sure as heck aren’t Avengers, which leaves the children of the night out in the cold.
House of M
You tell me. next to Mojo? Because he sucks to display too. Put ’em all together and they’re like the goth kids from South Park or something. Turn off the dark. The best I’ve ever been able to manage for the House of Mouse is a place on the lamentable villain-overflow shelf. You know, where all of your old HYDRA Agents and the other Baron Zemo hang out? Yeah, that one. There’s a lot of turnover on that shelf, and these guys have been turned over more than once. A sad version of the Thing called “The It?” Seriously? Up yours, Bendis.
Conan
Okay, I know — Conan isn’t technically a Marvel Legend, but I’m betting he was meant to be before Toy Biz handed the license off to Hasbro. I’m not sure where the rights to the Barbarian are now, but it was his decades-long run at Marvel that put him on the map for comic fans. That’s enough to justify going up on the ol’ toy shelf. The question is, where? Since Toy Biz never delivered on Solomon Kane, Kull, or Bran Mak Morn, Conan is kind of the odd man out. The fact that Conan seems to have been placed in the package post-horse ride and is so bow-legged he constantly shelf-dives doesn’t help his case. Get this man some heavier shoes!
Man-Thing
(Insert obligatory Giant-Size Man-Thing joke here.) Another figure that defies easy placement. Like the Wendigo, Man-Thing’s oddball nature puts him at odds with a primarily superhero-based collection. I’ve displayed him with the Monsters set before, but to my knowledge he’s never crossed paths with Dracula or the Zombie, so it doesn’t really work for me. In the end, I think figures like Man-Thing are so unique they deserve their own little shelves — just leave room for Howard the Duck.
Weapon X Wolverine
Writing this article I’ve had to ask myself two questions. First, would even the biggest Wolverine fan want a figure of “never nude” Logan? And secondly, why in Sam Hill do I have one? I’m tempted to type I’m not even a fan, but the three more versions of the character on the shelves right behind me say otherwise. With series 3 Wolvie holding down my classic X-Men shelf, his “Astonishing X-Men” counterpart hanging with my Marvel Now Then gang and “Days of Future Past” Logan slumming it with the vigilantes, there’s just no place for a cutoff-clad Canuck.
Blackheart
If you said who, you’re not alone. It’s possible you own this very figure and still don’t know his name. Hey, I don’t blame you — he’s pretty lame. You’d think he’d be more interesting considering his dad is Mephisto, but apparently having a personality can skip a generation: Blackheart is the Sean One Lennon of demons. That said, if you’ve collected Marvel Legends for any length of time, you probably have this turkey. He may be on a shelf, he may be in a box — the thing is, he’s there, somewhere. Chances are, he’s lying down in a pile of other figures, as his awkward tail and goat-feet make it impossible for him to stay standing. I don’t know what to do with him. Do you?
Deathlok
Speaking of figures that have made shelf-diving an Olympic sport, it’s fan-favorite Deadpool Death’s Head, Deathlok. Thanks to a combination of loose joints and extremely rubbery plastic, the Big D can’t seem to stay on his feet. Worse still — he’s unaffiliated. He’s never been an Avenger or X-Man or a Cyberrat. Until the Agents of SHIELD 3-pack hits, Deathlok is on his own. So where does a man/machine hybrid fit in the big scheme of things? Also, how in the heck do I fix those legs? I’m sick of stepping on him in the dark.
Any Hulk that’s not Face-Off Hulk
While I have both the First Appearance Hulk and the Avengers Movie Hulk in my display, I only really need Face-Off Hulk in my collection. I’m recently converted, which may contribute to my zeal, but there’s more at play here. I also have Joe Fixit Hulk. And House of M Hulk. And series one Hulk. Point is, as much as I dig the big guy, I can’t devote that much real estate to him. At three, I am officially Hulked-out. I guess I could fill my vegetable crisper with them — it’s not like I’m using it for anything else.
Who did I miss? Discuss on the Fwoosh forums!
