This figure reminds me of bad relationship choices I’ve made in my life. I see Ultron and I think, “Oh, man, how drunk was I?” Because sober, I looked at that big mechanical bunny across the aisle and thought, “No. No way. That is never happening.” And yet, the next morning, there he was on my shelf.
It makes me doubt my standards — I talk a big game in my reviews, then I end up having breakfast across the table from this horror show? I can’t even claim I bought him for the BAF piece because Ultron was one of the Legendary Riders series. His ride? A glider that looked more like Ultron than the figure did! It’s madness, I tell you.
So what went wrong here? Well, instead of providing the classic version collectors were offering their first-born children for, Toy Biz opted to give Ultron a new, never-before-seen design:
Images of the prototype leaked out to the Internet and fan backlash was considerable. Toy Biz responded to the criticism by actually changing the head sculpt to closer resemble the comic version of the character, but nothing could be done about Ultron’s Nicki Minaj-like proportions. The figure eventually came out, everyone grumbled, and, when no one was looking, we quietly added it to our collections. A secret shame for years, Ultron was pressed into service at the back of many a display, his overly long arms supporting other figures too wobbly to stand on their own.
When collectors got word of a new Ultron in 2013, there was a collective sigh of relief. We began clearing space on the shelves and preparing our old Ultron figures for that last long car ride “to a nice farm in the country.” Then we got a look at the new Ultron:
Okay, yeah — it’s better. But dagnabbit, Hasbro, why didn’t you knock this one out of the park? You could have smoked the old Toy Biz version, but you gave in to the temptation of reuse and gave us an anemic, off-model figure from a mold clearly showing its age. Instead of helping us retire Toy Biz Ultron, Hasbro went and made him a freaking roommate!
Marvel Select came to the rescue with their version of Ultron in 2012, but Marvel Legends purists have trouble posing him alongside their other figures. I get that — he’s a bit tall — but compared to Darrel and his other brother Darrel, he’s clearly the winning horse. I fudge him into my display, but there’s that lingering sense of wrongness that keeps me from ever being entirely satisfied.
Fortunately the wait may soon be over. With Ultron getting the spotlight in the new Avengers movie, it’s a safe bet the killer AI will receive an action figure or two. While a movie version is a lock, there’s an outside chance fans could see a classic version as well. Hasbro, with your help, we can do away with ugly Ultron figures in our lifetime. Please help. Operators are standing by.
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