What is a Mort, you ask? In comic book terms, Mort is slang for an exceptionally lame character, either hero or villain. While there are no hard and fast rules as to what makes a someone a Mort, let’s just say you’ll know one when you see one.
Like this guy, for example. While the “Rainbow Raider” sounds like something you’d find parked outside of an LGBT rally passing out pamphlets, the reality is a bit different.
Young Roy G. Bivolo had his mind set on becoming a famous artist, but his colorblindness kept him from achieving his dream. Bivolo’s father, an expert in optical technology, worked tirelessly to cure his son’s condition. Unfortunately for the young lad, Dad was more mad scientist than MD, and the best he could manage was a set of special goggles that projected the full spectrum of visible light in solid form. Instead of using this remarkable scientific breakthrough to create art the way his father had intended, the bitter Bivolo instead went on a chromatic crime-spree.
As the Rainbow Raider, Bivolo began robbing museums and art galleries with the rationale that if he could not create art, then he would steal it. Instead of branching out, he decided to operate from his hometown. Unfortunately for him, his home was Keystone City, also the base of operations for the Flash. Bivolo would butt heads with the Scarlet Speedster multiple times, his crimes growing more bizarre and abstract with each encounter.
Like all the best Morts, the Raider has taken his lumps. He’s had his ass handed to him by the likes of Superboy and the Justice League, but no matter how badly he was beaten, he never stayed down for long. Hey, he even got up again after he died, returning as a zombie in Blackest Night. That’s motivation! Makes you wonder how he failed with such determination. Then again, Hitler was a failed artist too. Hmm, I guess if you take anything away from this article, it’s buy your friend’s crappy artwork occasionally. You may just be saving the world from the next undead rainbow-shooting Fuhrer.
Unsurprisingly, Rainbow Raider doesn’t get any respect in the real world either. Unlike fellow Morts Killer Moth, Shark or Cyclotron, he’s never had an action figure, but his toyetic appearance and demonstrable power set make him and ideal candidate for the plastic treatment. Buy why tell when I can show?
Rabid_Ewok’s custom captures our subject in all his bronze-age glory. While the Raider has sported a few different looks over the years, this is the one that most identifies Bivolo as a Mort. Big, goofy goggles, a skintight bodysuit, and rainbow leg-warmers — he’s either a super-villain or the star of an ’80s workout tape. Feel the burn, taste the rainbow.
Rabid_Ewok made sure Raider wouldn’t have to borrow his sister’s car to get to the crime scene by crafting a slice of his aforementioned rainbow. This is what really sells the custom for me, mostly because its a beautifully crafted accessory that adds both play and display value to the figure, but also because it looks like a delicious piece of sweet, sweet candy…
I know, right? It makes the phrase “taste the rainbow” seem like a mouth-watering possibility, but considering it’s made of various pieces of wood, PVC pipe, styrene, Apoxie Sculpt, and the cover of a 3-ring binder, that’s probably not a great idea. Don’t eat your toys, kids!
Its taking an approach like this that make these figures go from “just toys” to appreciable art. Now it’s a matter of action. With the new Flash TV show airing on the CW network, Rainbow Raider’s time may finally be nigh. Isn’t it high time he got an action figure to boot? DC Collectibles has been knocking it out of the park lately and if they can make a figure half as tasty spiffy-looking as Rabid_Ewok’s, then crime does indeed pay. Join me now and make it loud so they can hear it in the back: C’mon, DC Collectibles! MAKE MY MORT!
Thanks to Rabid_Ewok for allowing me to feature his custom. Check out more of his Mort-friendly work here!
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