For me, Toy Fair is the second biggest holiday of the year. Right after San Diego Comic Con and just ahead of Black Friday. Christmas runs a distant fourth. This year as I sat at home taking in the onslaught of news and images via twelve browsers, each one displaying a different website (Thank god for President’s Day!), my intention was to write a brief “round-up” for the patrons of the Fwoosh. But with so many disappointments at every turn, it was just too depressing. I mean, what does it say about a Toy Fair when the most promising new products shown are from Shocker Toys? I’m not taking credit for their upcoming Blue Beetle figure, but it does feel like a strange coincidence, coming so soon after my article. I’m told that the figures pictured were only mock-ups, and will use different bodies in production. I shall watch this Blue Beetle’s progress with great interest.
Yes, I know—everyone loves NECA’s Jonah Hex movie toys. They’re still movie toys though. Yes, I know fake “Commie-Bucky” is coming out in TWO different Hasbro scales. Whoop. Di. Doo. Yes, I saw the Galactus that is so ‘fully poseable’ that he can’t even sit. And yes, I know that Seth Green is apparently now an associate brand manager at Mattel. All of these things (and many more) cause me to taste the bile churning from my gut. There is one thing, however, that aggravates my sciatica like nothing else, and that’s what I’d like to focus on today. Let’s talk Star Wars.
As I watched the video of Hasbro’s Star Wars presentation on YouTube, I had a growing sense of anticipation. Line manager Darryl Depriest was building to a big announcement. He started talking about a certain “holy grail” figure; one that was always promised and never delivered. I knew exactly where he was going with this. I screamed an excited, “Yesssss!” at my laptop, pumping my fist with gusto. They were finally going set things right. They were finally going to make him. After all these years.
We were finally going to get the moisture farmer from Wuhrer’s cantina.
And then my hopes were crushed. Depriest revealed…mail-away Boba Fett with rocket firing backpack.
My guttural “Nooooo!” was even louder than my previous exclamation, prompting my wife to rush in and ask what had happened. “Oh nothing,” I replied, “other than Hasbro killing the Star Wars line.”
You see I have a Boba Fett action figure already. In fact I have many. Eleven at last count. What I don’t have is this man:
He is a Tatooine moisture farmer, visiting Wuhrer’s Cantina in Mos Eisley.
[Note: He is NOT Ariq Joanson. If I hear some noob call him that one more time, I swear I will spit. Yes, Ariq Joanson is a moisture farmer in the cantina when Luke and Ben come in, but he is a DIFFERENT moisture farmer. In the story “Drawing the Maps of Peace”, Joanson clearly states that he is “in a dark corner” of the cantina and then begins to walk over to Momaw Nadon. THIS farmer, however, is at the bar next to the Tonnika sisters the entire time. But don’t take my word for it; the Lucasfilm Holocron itself confirms that this is not Joanson. So can we PLEASE put this to rest now?]
All of you people whining that you don’t have a Jim Lee version of Jean Grey in Marvel Legends or a DC Direct Mr. Terrific; you don’t even know the meaning of an “incomplete set”. I’ve been trying to complete my cantina display for over 30 years! I have reconciled myself to the fact that I will probably never have figures of the Tonnika sisters, due to issues with likeness rights, but they aren’t quite as important . As space prostitutes, I always thought they were a bit out of place in a PG movie anyway. The moisture farmer, however, is crucial.
The fact that he is clearly visible in the film ought to be enough to put him right at the very top of Hasbro’s ‘to do’ list, but there is much more to recommend him than that. Much more.
When Wuhrer shouts to Luke that the bar doesn’t serve droids, Luke meekly complies and makes the droids wait outside. But what if Luke had protested? What if he had said, “Now listen here—these droids are with me. Why can’t they come in? That’s discrimination!” It wouldn’t have been out of character. Luke is very callow and petulant at this point in his character development. What would have happened then? There would have been a commotion and a confrontation. Ben would have tried to calm things, but with tempers flaring, his Jedi mind tricks probably wouldn’t have worked. Luke and Ben would have been thrown out of the cantina and never met Han Solo. They would probably never have made it to Alderraan in time to be captured by the Death Star. The rebellion never would have received the technical readouts in R2-D2. The Dark Side would have grown even more powerful.
But Luke didn’t protest. Why? Because of the reactions of the patrons. It wasn’t merely the bartender Luke was confronting, it was the solidarity of reproach that he felt from everyone in the bar that caused him to back down and not cause a fuss. And who led that reaction? As you can clearly see, the moisture farmer is the first to react to what’s going on.
While some patrons don’t even notice Luke at first, the farmer leans sharply in to see what’s going on. Others quickly follow suit. Then the farmer registers a clear look of incredulity and concern over the situation.
This too is picked up by the patrons and echoed throughout the cantina. Luke is cowed. The rebellion is saved.
But we’re not getting a figure of the moisture farmer. Nope. My cantina display will remain a veritable pile of trash, for missing this essential element. In classic toy company tradition, Hasbro has passed over a highly fan-demanded character- a character that plays a vital role in the survival of the rebellion and the defeat of the Emperor. They have passed on him in favor of re-hashing a character that everyone already has multiples versions of, out of nothing more than a kitschy play to our nostalgia. As far as I’m concerned, Hasbro can take their rocket firing Boba Fett and choke on it.
Cliff
(May the Force be with you)
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