I’ve had a dream that has persisted ever since I was a kid that has placed me in an odd little camp of Transformers fans: I don’t need my Transformers to actually Transform. I know that may strike some as absolute heresy, and I’ll admit the transforming feature was cool when I was a kid, but there was often a trade-off of lackluster robot modes that were sometimes so ill-articulated that they may as well have been cardboard cutouts.
The dawn of a new generation has brought insane advances to engineering, and now we get Transformers with great alt modes coupled with outstanding robot modes. Nowhere is this more prevalent than in the Masterpiece line, which is the pinnacle of transforming action figures.
Each Masterpiece figure has managed to find that delicate balance between the two modes, and so far the designers have done a remarkable job. And the vast majority — maybe even the overwhelming majority — seems content to have that great robot mode sitting on their shelves.
But there’s still something missing. Those insane advances in engineering have resulted in complex transformations that can take quite a while to achieve. See, when I was a kid, I liked to have big battles where my Transformers shifted from alt-mode to robot mode constantly, driving up as a car or whatever, and then transforming and landing on the enemy as a robot and punching the enemy before transforming and driving away. And even though they could occasionally be complex, I could mentally freeze time while making that Transforming noise from the cartoon, and in a few seconds one mode had shifted to another. But it’s not like that now. If I wanted to do the same thing now, it would take quite a bit of fiddling to switch modes, and then by the time I’m done, I’d just want to take a nap or something.
So what do I want?
I want non-transforming Transformers that are the perfect fusion of cartoon and comic, with the full complement of articulation that we’ve grown used to. I want those Transformers to be in perfect scale with each other, with Optimus towering over the other Autobots, and with Bumblebee looking up at everyone. I want Jetfire to look down on Optimus, and the Dinobots to be somewhere in the middle. I want all of their robot modes to be as fully articulated as possible, and to look as perfect as they could look, without any of the concessions that need to be made for them to Transform.
Along with that, I want their alt-mode to be a completely separate, non-transforming thing that comes packed with that perfectly scaled and articulated robot. This means I want robot mode Optimus to come with a tractor-trailer, with both perfectly scaled, both to each other and to the other vehicles and robots in the line. I want a Bumblebee that comes packed with a Volkswagen. A Starscream that comes packed with a jet that is scale-accurate to all the other vehicles. I’d like a perfect Shockwave that comes with a perfect space-gun and a tiny little gun version of himself that he can hold. Because Shockwave.
Best of all, this would mean a perfect Megatron that doesn’t have to turn into a gun or a tank. Imagine a Megatron that looks exactly as it should: no spindly legs, no “kindasorta” versions. And this perfect Megatron would come with two non-transformable gun modes: one the size he would change into if he were to maintain scale, and one the size that Starscream could hold. Masterpiece has already achieved a decent gun version, but we have yet to see a good robot Megatron. Soundwave would benefit from this as well, with both regular-scaled boom box version and smaller, human-scaled version.
While this admittedly takes away the core concept of the Transformers as toys, it enhances the core concept of the Transformers as toys. Imagine a non-transforming tractor-trailer mode Optimus that you can slam (gently please, take care of your toys) into Megatron, and then quickly remove him, make that mental transforming sound, and replace him with your perfect non-transforming robot mode Optimus standing over the flattened Megatron, ready to pound his robo-butt into the ground. No fiddly transformations, no break in the playtime — you do still play with your toys, right? — and no concessions to the conceit of the concept.
Imagine a deluxe standalone Devastator that isn’t the combined result of all the Constructicons, but instead he is a large, self-supported entity all his own, who needs no separate components to exist. The Constructicons themselves — or Aerialbots, or Stunticons, or whoever — can all be sold separately with their alt-mode counterparts.
Imagine Grimlock, or the rest of the Dinobots, in 2-packs with fully articulated versions of both their robot and dinosaur modes. Think about Insecticons with robot modes in addition to larger and smaller bug modes. Think about the triple changers that come in a 3-pack with all three modes ready for play, no transforming necessary. Or a Sixshot with… well, you get the point.
Astrotrain is still a freakin’ conundrum though. How all those Decepticons always fit inside him… subspace my eye…
There have been non-transforming Transformers before: Revoltech made a handful of pretty cool ones (Optimus is back on sale now), and BBTS has a trio of extremely pricey, but pretty cool, robot mode versions of Optimus, Grimlock and Alpha Trion from Fewture up for preorder. But just getting the robot side means half the fun. I still want that alt version because it’s just as important to the character as the robot.
The Masterpiece line is the pinnacle of Transformer action figures. I eagerly await every new reveal, and each eventual release is a shining testament to the potential of Transforming Transformers. That, along with the current third-party Transformers onslaught, is providing some of the best versions of these figures. But in my head I’m imagining getting an awesome and perfect robot-mode Jazz that comes packed side by side with a perfectly scaled car, and that excites me even more than the MP line. Maybe one day.