In my never-ending quest to add more soldiers, robots and vehicles to my action figure collection, I’ve been forced to get a little creative…
As though I was toiling against some giant, oppressive toy-ruling regime, I have to constantly find ways to subvert this aversion to the roots of action figure-dom. Whether it’s buying vehicles made for other scales in other countries; or stocking up on figures wearing BDUs, even if the colors are whacked; or just hoarding my Plan B Military figures like they were MREs during the zombie apocalypse.
One area that I think only needs a little nudge is video game figures. In fact, I’m still somewhat stunned that there aren’t Call of Duty-licensed toys on every aisle, as opposed to just the Mega Bloks one. That one aside, though, there’s been a fair amount of shooter-based figures done by NECA, and there’s even been a spattering of options made by Revoltech and their contemporaries. The only problem is, there just hasn’t been near enough to form up some battalions to go to war with.
So for this wishlist, we’re going to turn to an excellent game that could probably benefit from some additional media: Wolfenstein The New Order.
First things first — yes, I am keenly aware of what happened the last time an action figure company dared to make those evil, evil Nazi bad guys to go with their American troops. But you know what? I was born a good 60 years too late to pound Nazi scum on the beaches, so excuse me all to hell if letting little plastic men do it for me is as close as I can get. You need bad guys, simple as that. It’d be like a whole wave of Batman figures without any villi… wait, that actually happened, didn’t it? Well, anyway, my point is it sucks.
Wolfenstein has definitely got the goods in bad guys. From the basic stormtroopers to the more sophisticated moontroopers (which really look like Stormtroopers), to giant evil robot dogs to Supersoldaten to evil Nazi powerloaders, there is no shortage of bad guys. The game departs from its somewhat historically-rooted beginnings early on, so the evil empire of The New Order is less goose-stepping and more steampunk nightmare. And that actually makes for even better toys, in my ever-so humble opinion. I scarcely think there’s a design in the game that wouldn’t translate to a terrifying action figure adversary, so rather than wish-list these, I’ll just leave these here for your inspection.
While I’m sure I’ve got a hearty team of caped warriors who could take on these monsters, I’ve always been a fan of the grunts. And they don’t come much more grunt than the resistance elements of the Kriesau Circle. Here’s a few that would make worthy adversaries for those imposing opposites:
BJ Blaskowicz
I find it a little odd that the original poster boy for the first-person shooter hasn’t yet been made plastic anyway, but this would be a helluva way to solve that. BJ only spends the first mission or so in traditional US Military attire, and the rest he’s in a little less auspicious bomber jacket. Still, a Resistance version would be excellent, and a 1946 one later on would be even better.
Fergus Reid, Probst Wyatt III
In game, decisions you make will result in only being accompanied by one of these brave gentlemen as the game progresses, but action figures don’t need no stinking rules. Just like BJ, we could have resistance and 1946 versions of these two and BAM! Instant squads.
Anya Oliwa
Oh, I can hear the rumble of the Internets from here. First Nazis, then female characters? Shut up, Internet. It’s a brave new world out there; we can do this. Anya may seem a little light for such a line, but those who take the time to “listen” to her character’s backstory in-game know that she’s not to be trifled with. Definitely a good inclusion.
J
While there’s several other resistance characters that could be included here, the other standout for me is J. In addition to an intriguing visual appearance, there’s the simple matter of the true “real world” identity of this character, a certain artist born in Seattle in 1942. Let’s just say his in-game line about “This moment… it’s gonna be LOUD” is profound as hell.
Thoughts, opinions, characters I missed? Bring it on below!