These days, it’s trendy to self-identify as being “different,” but when I was growing it up it wasn’t a goal or cultural imperative — it just kinda happened. Every group of kids had one or two oddballs who didn’t fit the script. It was easy to pick them out. Maybe they got their haircuts at home, or had a bookbag that always smelled like cat pee — or maybe they just chose the weird Star Wars figures to play with.
Ah, Hammerhead. The figure everybody owned, but nobody seemed to like. Hey, I thought he was cool. His long gangling arms, tree-root feet, and snail-like noggin made characters like Greedo seem positively vanilla. Though he came armed with a blaster, I always thought of Hammerhead as benevolent, more like Chewbacca than some random Cantina scumbag. Hasbro took another pass at this guy years later, but changed a few things. Now called Momaw Nadon (because the term “Hammerhead” is actually a slur in the Star Wars universe), the new figure is more movie accurate, but lacks the Kenner version’s unique appeal.
Star Wars may have depicted R5-DR as the “Little Droid That Couldn’t,” but that didn’t stop him from becoming an early favorite of mine. It was the combination of colors that really hooked me — the orange had a vibrant, almost sporty look to it and the vac-metal collar around the neck contrasted nicely with the stark white body. Not that the poor little guy stayed white for long. The paper used on the figure’s body is notorious for picking up stains and fingerprints, and finding an R5 in good condition can be quite the trick — just like on Tatooine.
Death Star Droid deserved better. Unfairly seen by many parents as “just a silver C-3PO,” this poor bastard never really had a chance next to more the line’s colorful or recognizable characters. Even if you could convince your folks to look past his obvious similarities to ‘Threepio, you’d then have to convince them the figure wasn’t evil. Seriously, Darth Vader had a soft and non-threatening quality next to Death Star Droid. It’s huge, expressionless eyes and chromed motor-head fit in with the Imperial’s sterile aesthetic, making what could have been a forgettable background player into one of line’s first bad-asses. It’s got “Death” right there in his name, people. How much clearer can they be? This monster eats protocol droids for breakfast — that is, when it isn’t rusting apart in a Sandcrawler somewhere.
At this point it’s probably looking like I have a bit of a bias against our Rebel heroes. Far from it — like any self-respecting 10-year-old, I wanted to be Han Solo. But his popularity made him a difficult “get” when playing with other kids. More often than not, it was easier to let someone else have the main characters and take on the role of the heavies. Hey, the bad guys have more fun, anyway! That said, there was one “good guy” figure I always had to have in my posse:
X-Wing Pilot Luke first appeared in Kenner’s second wave of Star Wars figures, but proved popular enough to be reissued up until the line’s end. In spite of being identified as Luke on the package, this guy was the de-facto Rebel army-builder. Think about it: it’s much easier to rationalize five of these dudes running around in battle than it was multiple Han Solos. The X-Wing Pilot also made a reasonable stand-in for the orange jump-suited Hayata, better known by his alter-ego “Ultraman.”
Reruns of Ultraman aired every day after school, and it quickly became a neighborhood sensation. The fact that the X-Wing Luke was to “scale” when my friends and I reenacted the kaiju battles that ended every episode of Ultraman made the figure a lasting favorite.
What does it take to be the Death Squad Commander? As a kid I didn’t know, but I figured they didn’t give that job to just anybody. I mean, you had to be the toughest SOB in a group called the Death Squad — that seemed pretty heavy. Granted, the Commander didn’t do much more than flip a switch in Star Wars, but that actually added to his appeal. With his backstory open, the character could be either a major player or cannon fodder when you were short a few Stormtroopers. By the mid-1970s, military toys had fallen out of favor, so this figure was the closest young Anthill ever got to having an “army guy” in this scale. He was reissued later with a more PC-sounding name, but this will always be the Death Squad Commander to me.
Ah, the Snowtrooper. Before Clone Troopers, Elite Troopers, heck, before Biker Scouts we had this sharp dresser. It was the first appreciable variation in Stormtrooper armor, (No, Sandtroopers don’t count. One orange shoulder pad? Try harder, costuming department) and it made an immediate impression on me. Unlike the boring neighbor-kids, I wasn’t willing to confine my Snowtrooper to winter adventures. I played him as an elite assassin-type, having him do what regular Stormtroopers could not — namely, killing the Rebels. Luke, Leia, and the Droids were constantly getting knocked off by what I can only now think of as the Imperial version of Super Fly.
Can you dig it?
By the time Return of the Jedi rolled around, I had largely left toys behind. I was 14 years old and more interested in burning Star Wars figures than collecting them. That said, there was one figure that I would still play with:
So why Nien Nunb and not Bib Fortuna? Why not Klaatu, Nikto, or Prune-Face? Well, because none of them looked like my uncle! Now we don’t need to bring names into it — I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling and that information would mean nothing to you anyway — suffice to say, Mister Nunb here bears a striking resemblance to one of my older uncles. My brother and I used to laugh about the figure behind his back and made it ask for beers. It’s wrong, it’s juvenile, and yet I’m still laughing. It’s clear to me now it was the tail end of a golden age, one that I look back on knowing that, for all that’s changed since, I’d make those same choices again today. Who wants to play? I pick first!
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Jason R Mink is the Man in the Anthill!
Background images from Ralph McQuarrie’s iconic STAR WARS concept art. Thanks, Ralph — our childhoods would have looked a lot different without you.
