Ah, the Star Wars Black Series. There once was a time when you could be confident that every Star Wars character, no matter how obscure, would eventually get the action figure treatment. It’s part of what has made fans so loyal to the line. Unlike, say, DC Universe Classics, it was understood that if you just hung in there long enough, Hasbro would eventually get around to doing favorite background character. With the advent of the Star Wars Black Series, however, that’s no longer the case. Thanks to the new figures size and increased price-point, Hasbro will more than likely be hedging their bets with its character selection, focusing on the heroes and villains most recognizable to the buying public. You can’t blame them, really; many “fan demanded” figures end up peg-warming, and, in the current economic climate, no manufacturer can risk producing a product it thinks may not sell. What does this mean? Well, odds are I won’t be seeing any of my favorite classic Star Wars characters make the cut. Why? Well, read on, Padawan!
The Bespin Guard. An unlikely choice for number five, but I’ve always been a fan of this guy. His spiffy blue uniform with its red and gold trim made him stand out in the sea of black, white, and tan that was the Kenner Star Wars universe. Also, with his jaunty little cap and mustache, he looks a lot like Charles Bronson from Death Wish, which I always thought was cool. As far as physical specimens go, Bespin Guards are not the most imposing, but when you consider the pic below it looks like the sculptor was spot-on.
Well, aside for one important detail: where are the lip-ticklers, boys?
Okay, that’s better. Now I have to go and draw some pants on Chewbacca. Did you realize he’s been running around nude this whole time?
Also known as the “Gonk droid” because, honestly, that’s a lot more fun to say. This utilitarian little fellow appeared inside of the Jawa sand-crawler in A New Hope, but if you blinked, you probably missed him. In spite of his brief moment of screen time, Kenner felt he was worth issuing as a figure, but they were desperate, having already released the film’s main characters. The addition of new droids and Cantina aliens in the second assortment really added a lot of “play value” to the line: with no backstory to speak of, kids were free to make up their own adventures for Hammerhead and Snaggletooth. I was a huge Power Droid fan, and though we never saw the ability demonstrated, I always had him jumping. I mean, why else would he have those springy legs?
As you can see, Kenner’s version of the Power Droid is a bit off-model. I’m not sure why they felt he needed an Atari joystick on top of his head, but it was useful for other figures to hang onto when jumping out of trouble. (See what I mean about play value?) When Hasbro resumed production of the line they released a more screen-accurate version, but I doubt anyone has fond childhood memories of that version.
All sorts of creepy, aggressive-looking robots were designed for the prequels, but none of them can touch the sterile, insect-like sense of menace that this guy radiates. When I bought this figure I didn’t really remember seeing him in the film, but thought he was crazy-cool. I figured, Death Star Droid — how much more do I need to know? I wasn’t really clear on the concept of bounty hunters at the time, but that’s essentially what I used him for. Hey, Han and Chewie weren’t gonna hunt themselves now, were they?
Time and the prequels have changed how I feel about Star Wars. It is no longer a magic ticket to that galaxy far, far away, but when I see the above picture, I do get a ghost of that once-familiar thrill. The Death Star Droid is a fantastic design that was certainly worth revisiting, but for some reason it was left in the toybox. It’s too bad; those new movies could have used an edge. Seriously, who would you rather see Jedi fight: those laughably asinine “battle droids” from Episode I, or an army of these freaky silver locust-bots? Uh huh, I thought so.
Call me crazy, but I’ve always preferred R5-D4 to that other astromech droid — you know the one. Maybe it’s his eye-catching color-scheme, or maybe it’s his close-but-no-cigar resemblance to R2-D2. Most likely it’s because I have a soft spot for losers. Seriously, this little guy wasn’t on screen for a minute before he blew up. Can a droid be a Mort? Dude makes a strong argument for it. Still, I would defend his coolness to my incredulous friends. Hey, they just didn’t get him.
Kenner’s R5-D4 figure was a terrific little representation of this colorful droid. His tech is represented by a sticker — the same sticker that R2 sports, in fact, only with orange coloration in place of the blue. This mostly-white sticker picked up fingerprints quicker than the guys from Law and Order, and makes finding vintage R5s in decent condition as tough as getting a working droid from the Jawas. Still, a dirty one is better than none at all — just pretend it’s carbon scoring and get on with it; you’ve got an Empire to topple.
Mmmm, gum drops. C’mon, that’s what everybody thinks when they see this guy. Well, that or something else I’m not going to get into here. Get your minds out of the gutter, ya pervs. Anyway, Death Squad Commander. That’s quite the title for a glorified button-presser. Johnny Jump-Suit here got a little more screen time than the others on this list, but was probably still puzzlingly obscure to many new to the Star Wars universe. There’s a school of thought that, if this fellow had an action figure made of him, he must have been important. Well, he was — at least as important as any one-fingered alien Darth Vader might chain to the console in his place, anyway.
I kid, Death Squad Commander, but I’m allowed. After all, he was my boy back in the day. Second only to X-Wing Pilot Luke (who I’m happy to report is in the first wave of the Black Series), Death Squad Commander was my go-to guy. Unencumbered by Luke’s friendships and free to move about within the most intimate corners of the Empire, Death Squad Commander was an unmitigated bad-ass. His grey uniform and black jackboots are a bit Nazi-like upon reflection, but at the time he just seemed like a cool soldier dude with a rather severe look. He fit the model of the fringe dweller, the outcast — even in a galaxy far away I sought those I felt were like me. The same and yet different, part of the story and yet independent of it, alien in spite of being at the center of a universe populated by the impossible. They made an interesting team, that’s for sure!
So what do you think? Do these these five outcasts have what it takes to make the cut? Will they eventually get figures, or will their slots be gobbled up by “fan demanded” clone troopers in a rainbow of colors? Only Hasbro knows. And they’re not telling.
Jason R Mink is the Man in the Anthill – 06/25/13
