Collecting toys is like sitting in the backseat on a family trip and reaaaaaalllly having to pee. It seems like we’re never going to get “there.” With an Energizer Bunny toy line like Marvel Legends that just keeps going and going, there comes a point where you’re just kind of tired of waiting for things to squeak out one by one. You have to pee now, because you’re not getting any younger, and nobody ever had any relief by just letting a drop or two slide out every half hour or so. That’s no way to pee.
Now that I’ve mangled that metaphor like a mariachi band on methamphetamines, let me pull over the the side of the road so you can all anoint the shrubbery with your pent-up fluids, and while you’re a captive audience, I’ll tell you what I want.
In a perfect world — that is, a world that catered to me me me and none of you other people — every character that had multiple iconic costumes would come in a box set that featured all of those looks at once. The Thing could come in a set that featured one in blue trunks, one in pants and boots, and the one where he looked like a pineapple, because I just really really dig that look. Cyclops would have come out in a set with his Silver Age, Bronze Age, X-Factor, Jim Lee, Astonishing, and some modern version. You get the point.
But this isn’t a perfect world because most collectors only want the costume they want, and would no doubt churn internally at the thought of buying a box set of five figures for the one and only costume they want.
That’s why we can’t have nice things.
So we wait. We sit in the back of the car holding our urine, and we wait, as costumes slowly squeak out one by one over the years. We grow older and older and try not to pee while the waves steadily roll ashore.
Colossus is a prime example of this. Colossus is probably my favorite mutant. He’s been mishandled in so many ways over the years, but when he’s done right he’s a lot of fun. He, like so many mutants, has had a number of costumes over the years. Because of this, opinions over his sartorial choices have split a lot of the fandom. No opinion is more vociferous than that eternal “thigh vs. no thigh” stance. A little dude-thigh never killed anybody, ya big babies.
Chances are we’ll get more Colossus figures because the components are in place. But will we ever get to all the Colossus costumes? Doubtful. At most, we might get one or two more, and with the rate the X-Men figures are being released, it might take another decade or so.
Speaking of differing opinions, the previous Colossus figure — the one with the big black arrow pointing towards his Kremlin — divided fans. Personally, I was surprised at how much I liked it. I liked the body, I liked the size, I liked the look, I was really pleased overall with the figure. But he’s not enough. I still need more.
If they were to pump out a box set of five figures that were all Colossus, my dream set would include the following costume, in no particular order:
Giant Size X-Men (or his original costume)
This one is a no-brainer. While ToyBiz made one, and Diamond Select made one as well, one is outdated and one just feels too big for what I want. I need one similar to the recently released one in quality, but in this look. I’m pretty sure if another Colossus is made it will be in this costume — hopefully in a guaranteed sure-to-sell-out Giant Size box set — so I may be getting this one sooner rather than later. Still, whatever way, it needs to happen. When I think of Colossus, this is what I see first and foremost.
Astonishing Colossus
Cassaday’s redesigns of the core X-Men team under Whedon’s direction were all as good as it gets in terms of modern updating. Retaining the feel of the Giant Size look but streamlining certain elements, Colossus felt familiar and new all at once. Frankly, I’m just glad they brought him to life, because having him dead for however long he was dead sucked. It made sense for him to return to familiarity after being out of it for so long. Plus he banged Kitty, so win win.
Outback Era
If you’re mostly metal, why bother with a shirt? I know if I was 7 feet tall and all metal, my tinfoil junk would be swinging in the breeze all the time. With half the fabric and twice the sexy, Colossus was more metal than an Iron maiden concert at a junkyard. He wore this while hanging around in Australia, where summer is winter and winter is summer and three out of four Wolverine portrayals are born.
The most Russian he’s ever looked
This all-red ensemble didn’t last too long, but it has an almost militaristic feel, and the addition of the gloves is a noteworthy difference from his usual bare-fisted look. It’s both familiar and different all at once.
Deadpool movie look
I know, you just furrowed your brow and had to double check who the author of this article was, but of all the comic book choices left, I have to say I really liked the movie look a bit more. The black and red is an abrupt change from his usual red-and-yellow color scheme, and worked well against his metal skin, with just that little bit of red to offset all the darkness. Plus he was finally cinematically done so well that it needs to be rewarded with a figure.
A box set of these five Colossii is no doubt out of the question, but if they could somehow all manage to get released before 2030 and we’re all living on Mars, that would be super.