One of the more dependable side-effects of being a toy-lifer is the inevitability that you will be buying different versions of a lot of characters. Sometimes it’s out of necessity, and sometimes it’s because you’re insane. Personally, I embrace the call of the wild, and deep-dive into the sweet sweet rush of polymorphotranscendent plastic the same way a fat kid cannonballs into a pool and soaks all of his friends.
There are always better versions of toys being made. Any time you say to yourself “I’ll never need another _____” some future toy company brand manager somewhere is rearing back in their chair made of frozen tears and laughing until they give themselves a coronary incident. Sure, I can say I’m perfectly satisfied with the current 80th anniversary Iron Man, but…is it remote controlled? Does it fly under it’s own power, and can I control it with a joystick (are they even called joysticks anymore?) like a living breathing plastic video game?
No.
I can’t.
So right now the future is laughing at me, and the 100th anniversary Iron Man is waiting around to show me how cool an Iron Man toy can really be.
It’s not only the improvements in the actual toy that implore us to double, triple or googlepluple dip on a toy. It’s also the aesthetic differences. Take Masters of the Universe Classics, a line that has its share of ups and downs. At first I figured I’d be cool with definitive takes on every figure. But then such things as mini-comic versions show up. And then Filmation versions. So, not content with a certain version, I buy the same character looking as they did in various media. That’s nuts. But then I buy a handful of my favorites in other versions completely. I buy them in the super-deformed Loyal Subjects style. I buy them in the retro five-inch style. Not many, but I do buy them, because the thought of “what if they were done like vintage Star Wars” holds a certain level of appeal to me.
And now they’ve come out with something I didn’t think I would have wanted, which is more poseable versions of the actual 80s action figures.
Why do I want them so much?
Because it’s Masters of the Universe, and I’m a fan of the property. I’m drawn to different takes, both functionally and aesthetically. There’s a queer, cockeyed validity in a lot of different takes on a certain property that draws me in.
One of the “worst” offenders is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Every time I think I’ve got every version I think I want, another pops out. There are a staggering amount of versions of Turtle toys. I love the realistically styled movie versions, so I scoop those up. But on the other hand, I like the cartoon versions, I buy those too, despite not having watched the cartoon for decades. Comic versions from Mirage, I buy those. Then they expand into newer stylings from more recent takes or even video game styles from games I’ve never played, and those appeal to me. Even the Batman Vs. TMNT movie versions hit me hard. Now Super7 is going to be making updated versions of the original toys themselves, and I’m going to be all in for those as well.
And saying all of that, I’d still buy them all over again if they were done in the style of the current IDW comic series. And there’s probably other versions I’d buy as well. Pretty much anything except the Michael Bay versions are fair game, and will no doubt call out to me.
G.I. Joe is another property that I’d be all over multiple versions. If they ever…EVER…did a six inch line, I’d buy anything and everything that was an updated version of the 80s figures. But then, even with those holiest of Holy Grails finally making it out, I’d also buy cartoon versions of those same characters, much like I’ve been buying the Filmation versions of MotUC figures. Something about the stripped down cartoon aesthetics and colors appeals to me, even if it’s not what I consider technically “my” ideal G.I. Joe. I wouldn’t be able to resist.
Transformers is a repeat offender at making you want various versions. I thought that the Masterpiece line would be the only line that I needed, providing me with immaculately rendered “perfect” versions of every figure. But then I find myself buying those gigantic versions of Optimus and Megatron that sit on the back edge of my desk and glare at me with cold robotic precision. Then I end up getting into the new War For Cybertron line that features excellent versions of Generation 1 designs. But wasn’t that why I was collecting the Masterpiece line? Yes. So Why? Because. Insanity. The defense rests!
Saying that, I’ve also found myself testing out the new Furai model kits from Flame Toys. I only have Bumblebee so far, but he was so damn cool that I’m going to be grabbing more of them.
And saying all that, I know without even having to think about it too hard that I’d be all in if some new “retro”ish Transformers line came out that was a more-functional, fully-articulated version of the actual original toyline with all of their blocky, weird proportions. We’ve become spoiled by the advances in engineering that Transformers toys have been enjoying, but those original toys were what started it all off. Hell, they’re selling straight side-ports of the original vintage versions right now, so there’s no lack of precedent. If something like the original Transformers artwork made it out in toy form, without the cartoon streamlining but with all of today’s engineering brilliance, I’d freak out. If it can happen for Masters of the Universe, it could happen with Transformers.
Star Wars is another sinkhole of interest that I could dive into a never see the light of the sun again. I’m already willing to re-buy plenty of Black series figures with the new face-printing tech, because it’s helping figures not look like blank-faced, wide-eyed psychopaths. But despite this line being the pinnacle of Star Wars figures, I still ended up buying the Toybox Star Wars figures for all of their cartoony awesomeness. I couldn’t help it. All it took was one, like the toy version of an M&M, and I had to get the rest.
The various versions of Boba Fett (including the elusive and bitch-to-acquire vintage-colors version that just went up and disappeared in a flash) have made me want a similar thing for other characters. While I loved getting the prototype white version, there’s still the original Holiday Special animated version of Boba Fett. And I still want them to release a vintage colors version as a wide release in some way. But as for different versions of the characters, let’s take Darth vader. I have a lot of Darth Vaders. If a company has made a 1/12th Vader, I think I bought it. While I can’t point to one version as definitive (Hasbro’s 40th Anniversary Vader is very nice, and the Figuarts Vader with a modded fabric skirt is very very close to being definitive) I’d still buy the Hasbro one if it was done in the same color scheme as the original Marvel Comics version. That original comic adaptation of the Star Wars movie is what you read over and over when you don’t have a home video option to watch the movie. The series was recently released in Omnibus form and was given a complete modern recoloring, but to me Vader’s comic-coloring was dependent on the technology of the time. Black was shaded to blue for highlights, something that has caused endless debate over the years for various characters. Regardless, this means I have a huge amount of love for…a blue-shaded Darth Vader.
I’d buy that, yes indeed.
I know I’m the kind of collector that the toy companies love, because I have a kind of omni-interest in various properties that keep me coming back for more. I can have what I think is a really cool version, and then someone will come along and say something like “but what if it looked like this” or “but what if it was wearing fabric clothes” or “what if it you could put it together yourself” and I’m already pushing the Add to Cart button.
It’s insane.
It’s nuts.
It’s toys.
