Of all the varied and fantastic reveals that came out of 2019’s Toyfair, I don’t think any was as left-field unexpected as Super7’s showing of a Toxic Avenger action figure. As a toy collector, I love seeing either brand new properties that push all my buttons, or updates to older properties that might have missed out on making a blip on my radar. Toxie is a sterling example of the latter.
As I’ve said elsewhere, I know about Toxic Avenger as a property, but I’ve never watched any of the movies. In fact, I’ve never seen a single Troma film. It’s a cult-film niche I’ve never managed to sink into. I knew there was a cartoon called Toxic Crusaders, and I think I remember reading that there were action figures, but this was way back in 1991 and my toy focus was extremely narrow compared to the way it is now. If I ever passed them in an aisle it was while heading towards Toybiz’s Marvel figures or whatever. The ’90s weren’t what I wold classify as my “childhood toy-buying time” the way the ’80s were, so I was more focused in my collecting. It has never occurred to me that the Toxic Crusader line was something that would interest me.
But a shiny new toy can change my opinion in an instant, and Super7’s Toxic Avenger figure sparked a surge of curiosity in me. I did some digging on the Toxic Crusaders line Playmates did way back then and holy crap does this line trigger all the sensations that properties like Madballs and Garbage Pail Kids triggered in me when I was younger. Where has this property been all my life?
Toxic Avenger went from a one-off curiosity purchase to a primal urge that needs to be filled by a modern reproduction of this entire line. The only hurdle would be the extreme amount of brand new tooling that would be needed to pull off this update, but…details shmetails.
Outside of Toxie himself, the Playmates line consisted of a scant 8 other figures. It wasn’t a large line in the grand scheme of things, but what a group of figures they were.
Major Disaster
The Major is a weird plantman/soldier hybrid with mutated weirdness going on at every angle. His arms are two different varieties of plantlife and he has an overall bizarre look that looks like it could be updated into a killer figure.
Nozone
Nozone is a large-nostriled weirdo with a wheel in place of one of his legs, because he was designed by crack-cocaine. With a face only a radioactive mother could love he is, in a word, disgusting.
Dr. Killemoff
By far the best-named character on the list, Dr. Killemoff is a four-armed gas-mask wearing oddball that is, if you read his bio, part cockroach. Because just being a normal four-armed irradiated bad guy wasn’t creepy enough. Adding cockroach to anything immediately ups the “blargh” factor by about a thousand and three, so yeah…I need this toy.
Radiation Ranger
The army builder of the group, the Radiation Ranger is a warped version of the standard biohazard suit with a toxic waste barrel shield and an extremely perky color scheme. I am a fan of loud, abrasive coloring on action figures, and a minimum of five or so of these guys would really stand out.
Psycho
A grotesque cybernetic fatass that drools what I’m assuming is radioactive goop or something definitely fits right into this line, and is also something I don’t seem to have an action figure of despite all the toys I’ve collected over the years.
Bonehead
An evil skeletal biker showing up somewhere is no surprise in a group of toxically challenged villains like this. No toyline worth it’s weight in plastic can go for long without having a skeleton-type showing up at some point. I think that’s universal law.
Junkyard
Junkyard is apparently a strange fusion of a hobo and a dog. So this is a homeless dog man. That fights crime. Take that, “Batman.” I really need to watch a few episodes of this cartoon. I’m sure it will clear everything up.
Headbanger
Saving what might be the weirdest for last, Headbanger is a dual-headed, split-torsoed mixture of a mad scientist and a singing telegram guy that was once evil but now works for the Toxic Crusaders. Least appealing. Linkedin. Ever. In a line this wacked out, Headbanger might actually take the crown for “most visually interesting.” and this is a line that has that Psycho guy in it.
All eight of these figures are right in line with the kind of crap I love to buy, so if Toxie somehow manages to blossom into a full line, I would be right there preordering each one as soon as I could, with multiples of Radiation ranger. I can’t be alone. I just can’t!