The canceled television show. Is there anything so rude as to be really into a show, only to have it yanked out from under you, like a cartoon carpet? Not every show can be The Simpsons, which by now seems to be a perpetual motion machine powered by more “D’oh” than can be found in the mint. Sometimes fun, quirky shows just fail to find an audience and die.
Luckily, with VHS and then DVD, Blu-ray and now such futuristic mumbo-jumbo like streaming services, Youtube and tons of other opportunities, even if a tv show dies, it can still acquire and maintain a rabid, cult-like following that keeps it alive in the collective conscious. One such noteworthy show was Firefly, which managed only a thirteen episode run, but inspired a devoted following of Browncoats, and has been endlessly rewarded with merchandise of all kinds. Firefly even managed that holiest of grails: action figures.
Not everything can be a phenomenon like Firefly, though. The vast majority of prematurely cancelled shows die without any merchandising whatsoever, even if there is something inherently toyetic about them. Being a toy collector type of person, I’m always interested when something I dig gets a toy. Let’s take a look back at the television wasteland and pluck out five murdered shows that could support an action figure.
Let’s start off with…
Street Hawk
When Knight Rider became a runaway success, it seemed like every station wanted their version of the high-tech, crime-fighting man/machine duo. Blue Thunder and AirWolf both went in the direction of high-tech helicopters, but Street hawk decided to give us a high-tech motorcycle. The Street Hawk was a sleek black cycle that could reach incredible speeds, jump over any obstacle and was armed with a sophisticated weapon system. With Jesse Mach (Mach! His name was Mach! On. The. Nose.) in the Michael Knight role, you can see how many similarities there were between Street Hawk and Knight Rider. The only thing it couldn’t do was talk. With a snappy theme song by Tangerine Dream (google it and see if it doesn’t get stuck in your head), Street Hawk managed only a half season before it died.
A figure/vehicle combo of Jesse Mach in his black jumpsuit and Street Hawk itself—like these new Marvel Legends Ultimate Riders–would be an instant purchase.
Sledge Hammer
Trust me; I know what I’m doing.
Sledge Hammer is the type of show that would never be made today. Featuring a rude, misogynistic cop who seems to be in love with his gun and plenty of, let’s say colorful humor, we’ve become far too offended by everything for a character like Sledge Hammer. This parody of the Dirty Harry movies managed a surprising two seasons before being taken behind the barn and shot. A figure of Sledge in one of his trademark terrible suits and loud ties along with his gigantic Magnum would be the perfect companion to this one-of-a-kind show.
Adventures of Brisco County Jr.
Who doesn’t love Bruce Campbell? Who doesn’t love western/comedies? Apparently Fox, as this extremely fun show only managed a single season before riding off into the sunset (literally). Bruce has had plenty of Evil Dead related characters, but none based on his large chinned, gun-slinging, lasso-tossing Wild West bounty hunter. That might be because the entire toy industry seems to be vehemently anti-cowboy for the most part, but what better place to start than with the improbably named Brisco County Jr.?
The Crow: Stairway to Heaven
The Crow movie, starring the late Brandon Lee, is one of my favorite movies. This television series, based around the same concept and starring Mark Dacascos as Eric Draven, took the same concept and translated it into an ongoing series. Ongoing…for exactly one season. While it took quite a lot of liberties with the concept—most notably his Hulk-like transformation into the Crow—it was still a lot of fun for an hour long show, and I’m so desperate for Crow action figures in 1/12th scale that I’d welcome a Dacascos version.
And finally…
The Honeymooners
The odd man out on this list for sure, The Honeymooners is a cultural touchstone that has been referenced about a Kramdenillion times over the past dickety years. The Honeymooners lasted only a single season before being dumped because of poor ratings. That season managed a muscular 39 episodes (seasons were full back then) and has gone on to be one of the greatest, most influential runs of classic television ever. While there may be some that might not think of the Kramdens and the Nortons as toyetic—I refute that by way of saying “yuh-huh, they’d be awesome toys.” I’d kill to have figures of Ralph, Alice, Ed and Trixie. And possibly a miniature apartment diorama for them to all bicker in. And for Ralph to threaten his wife with severe, life threatening beatings that would help her reach escape velocity and hurtle her to the moon. Bang Zoom!
Well that’s my five. What about you? Have a cancelled show you’d like figures from? Leave a comment and let us know! Maybe someone is listening.