As the father of a three-year-old, I’ve seen my fair share of kid’s TV. More than anything its the repetition that gets to me. Certain shows just seem to play on a loop, bright noisy wallpaper that bleeds from the television into my subconsciousness. I’ll wake up and realize a song from Yo Gabba Gabba has been playing continuously in my sleep for hours, only I don’t actually know the lyrics so my dream-deprived brain has made them up from my darkest subconscious fears. I wonder how my daughter can stand to watch the same shows over and over again, but then I realize I grew up doing the same thing. Many a summer afternoon was spent trancing out to endless HBO repeats of Star Trek II, Predator and Die Hard. Oh, yeah, and RoboCop.
I’ve talked about RoboCop before, and with good reason. Having grown up in Pittsburgh during the death-throes of the steel industry, I could relate to the desolate, post-industrial landscapes of Old Detroit. Our abandoned steel mills were actually used for the film’s grittiest sequences: long before “urban exploration” became a blog-worthy topic my friends and I were trespassing in those selfsame mills, getting rusty cuts and watching the sun set from 200-foot tall cooling towers. It wasn’t such a stretch to imagine the 6000 SUX racing by, or one of the ominous rusty barrels that lined the road below exploding with toxic sludge. And then there was ED.
Although it was played for laughs, the ED-209 is actually a pretty terrifying concept. The pacification of urban unrest through militarized police forces didn’t seem so far off in 1987, and has proven to be a genuine concern in the 21st century. The use of robotics and “drone” technology grows with every passing day, giving unprecedented degrees of control those who wield that power. With the collusion of private industry and national security, the reality of a robotic judge, jury and executioner on every street-corner doesn’t seem so far-fetched. So why in the heck would anyone want a toy based on such an unsettling concept?
The creators of RoboCop provided ED-209 with some oddly-anthropomorphic traits, imbuing it with an almost-endearing “dumb dog” quality consistent with its role as a tool of enforcement. People are more likely to remember its pathetic whimpering after it fell down the stairs than it’s brutal murder of an OCP executive. Instead of working with the expected efficiency, ED is constrained by the same flaws of his controllers — it’s lack of independent thought and imagination lead to it’s (literal) downfall. As Crow T. Robot once so sagely quipped “I don’t know why anyone would build a robot that can’t walk down stairs.” The answer is simple: ED is made to play the fool because the reality of it’s existence is simply too grim to accept.
Which leads us to the figure itself. Produced in 1988 by Kenner as part of it’s RoboCop and The Ultra Police line, ED-260 is an advanced version of the 209 series. Instead of giving the toy the expected electronic lights or sounds, Kenner opted for simulated ‘”gunfire.” This was generated by small gunpowder charges embedded in paper strips passing under a repeating metal hammer — pull the trigger, get a bang. Even the regular figures were saddled with this feature: compared to other toys of the time it was a pretty lame gimmick, and the bulky mechanisms impacted the aesthetics of the line. Having the strip of paper “caps” dangling from the figure was the equivalent of walking out of the bathroom with toilet paper on your shoe. Considering Kenner’s own Star Wars X-Wing had electronic lights and sounds a full decade before, it just seemed like a lack of effort.
From a sculpt standpoint ED is a product of his time. There’s some sculpted detail, but nowhere near what you’d find on the film model or even a more modern store-bought toy. It’s unquestionably ED, just simplified. The robot’s “face” is rendered with a sticker: it looks cheap, and out of place next to the rest of the figure. There are a humble three points of articulation, with peg joints in the hips and a swivel at the the waist. The trigger to fire the caps moves, but I’m not counting that. All of the nifty-looking pistons and guns are static elements, so collectors used to the recent Hot Toys release will feel like they’ve been sent back to the dawn of time. ED comes in on the small side, standing just 8″, but still looks cool standing next to RoboCop.
All in all, ED was a fairly lackluster effort, but I was happy just to have him in my collection. I’d missed the chance to buy the figure at retail, and it proved difficult to find in the dark days before the internet. In spite of Kenner’s obvious cost-cutting measures and use of oddly-dated gimmicks, ED has proven to be a cool piece simply by virtue of its existence. Think about it: one of the most remorseless and violent characters of the ‘Eighties was produced as a toy for children. Now drop your weapon — you have ten seconds to comply!
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