I think I’ve reached a patience plateau. I’m willing to wait for things, because waiting for things you want is just something you do in this hobby, so it’s not like I’m going to stomp my feet and scream about it, but there’s also a point when you realize that being patient kind of sucks. The Star Wars Black Series is a prime example of a line where I’m waiting for things and it’s driving me just a little nuts. For instance: bounty hunters. If I could choose anything that I’d want a full lineup of, it would be the bounty hunters. Right now, we’ve got Boba Fett, Bossk is hitting very soon (check out Matthew K’s recent feature) and IG-88 is waiting in the wings to possibly disappoint us with his articulation. But how long will I be waiting for the rest? Two years? Three? For…forever? I’m pretty sure by the shower of confetti that the calendar has become I’m not getting any younger.
Waves have condensed to handfuls of characters. Because of this, certain groups are usually split up to “preserve interest,” which is relevant for anybody who remembers the constant “Where’s Martian Manhunter” posts of the heyday of DCUC. You do not get between collectors and their complete JLA rosters.
My brain starts turning to the idealized perfection of box sets when I start thinking about ways to get entire groups at once. While the execution may have been problematic, how awesome was it to get the entire original X-men in that Toys ‘R Us exclusive box set last year? Probably more awesome if the set had not been lacking in some key areas, but still, the idea was sound. There was no waiting through a frustrating three waves over a year and a half for Cyclops.
While nobody knows for sure if a 6-inch G.I. Joe line would ever come about, I know one thing: I don’t want to wait for the Dreadnoks. I don’t want to get Torch in wave 3 and then wait for Ripper two years later, and so on and so on. If Dreadnoks are in the future, just get them out of the way in one tidy box.
Box sets seem to work well in sets of either three or five. For something like the Dreadnoks, there just happens to be two ways to go about it, one that utilizes a three figure set, and one where a five-figure set would knock out what I think of as the prime Dreadnoks. Of course, that won’t take care of everybody, but them’s the breaks for outlaw bikers.
If we’re talking about a three-character set, then we have to start it off with Buzzer, Ripper and Torch. These were the first three and the most important, predating Zartan’s expanded family and the later recruits to the Dreadnok mini-empire. Whether Tom Dick and Harry or Winken, Blinken and Nod (real names one and all—that’s just wacky), these three grape soda and chocolate doughnut-loving lowlife bikers are the cream of the crop in all media when it comes to Dreadnoks. They set the tone, established the look and laid the groundwork for all ‘Noks to come. A box set with appropriate weapons, an opened and semi-eaten box of doughnuts and some bottles of grape soda would seal the deal. Good for combat or leisure time in the swamp. A good bet would be to time this set with the release of Zartan in a regular wave, so you can pick up Zartan and immediately get a big box of ‘Noks to go along with him, and have a ready-made Cold Slither, except without the hair-metal outfits.
Yeah, that song is in your head now.
To get even greedier and pump it up to a five figure box, then we’d start off with the original three, and add in Monkeywrench and Road Pig. That leaves out Thrasher, Zanzibar and Gnawgahyde, but sometimes you have to break some eggs or something. Monkeywrench has an appealing grenade-laden design that both fits in with and seems a natural extension of the original three Dreadnoks, and Road Pig is pretty much just awesome. With his wrist-mounted crossbow and the coolest weapon of anybody ever—a cinderblock on a stick—Road Pig’s split-personality “Donald/Road Pig” vibe and Mad Max villain aesthetics would make his inclusion a no-brainer, and makes the five-pack the immediate breakfast of champions.
Seriously–cinderblock on a stick is the most awesome weapon ever.
The Dreadnoks have always been an oddity in the G.I. Joe universe, but its the kind of thing I like about the property, so getting them all at once if we were to get a line of six-inch G.I. Joes would be icing on the camouflage cake. With everything else going on, they fit right in. And at least they weren’t angry teddy bears, right?