Titan Heroes, huh? Sure, I’ve seen ’em while prowling the aisles. I’ve laughed at their soft sculpts, clucked disapprovingly at their minimal paint apps, and despaired over their rigid, statue-like construction. And yet, I find myself staring at them and wondering if there is some small spark of potential there. I have no use for a movie Cap that only moves at the Big 5, or Hulk and Wolverine figures who are the same height, but what if there were others? Here are ten Titan Heroes a Marvel Legends collector like me could not resist!
10. Super-Adaptoid
A hundred-to-one shot, but getting this green goliath would thrill at least a handful of die-hard fans. With his bizarre power-set and truly unique appearance, the Super-Adaptoid is easily one of Marvel’s most distinctive rogues, but the odds of him getting a Marvel Legends figure are higher than Doug Benson. Titan Heroes should take a shot with this verde villain. In addition to being pure collector-bait, a foot-tall emerald amalgam of Captain America, Hawkeye, and Goliath is sure to catch the eye of any self-respecting kid. The Super-Adaptoid is an ideal candidate for Titan Heroes — he could even be done on the cheap using pre-existing molds*. No need to thank me, Hasbro, just send the check to the Anthill.
9. Giant-Man
Big surprise, huh?We’ve all played favorites at some point in our lives, I’m just lucky enough to write mine into articles. But hey, it’s not just my selfish desires that would be fulfilled by a new Giant Man figure. Marvel Legends is more popular than ever, with new people flocking to the line every day. Not all of them are lucky enough to have the BaF Giant-Man or the Marvel Universe Goliath figure, however. The former is cost-prohibitive and the latter was pretty hard to find. It’s high time collectors got another crack at ol’ High-Pockets. Titan Heroes is the perfect place for it to happen.
8. Frost Giant
Speaking of hard-to-find Marvel Universe figures, the Frost Giants were both. One moment they were at retail, the next all that was left was the vast, icy wasteland of regret at not finding them. Sadly, Hasbro has no plans to reissue these big blue brutes, leaving collectors like yours truly out in the cold. And while a Titan Hero Frost Giant would undoubtedly lack the complex sculpting and paintwork of the Marvel Universe predecessor, it would still fill a void on many Asgard-based displays. That, and the upcoming Marvel Legends Odin is going to need a few of these guys to slap around.
7. Video Man
Fans of Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends have spoken! Yes, the five of you — you can sit down now. All jokes aside, Video Man is one of those out-of-canon characters everyone seems to remember fondly. He was as much a part of our Saturday mornings as sugared cereal and footie pajamas, so where is his action figure? Admittedly too niche for Marvel Legends, Video Man’s toyetic appearance and basic design are tailor-made for Titan Heroes. Cast him in translucent blue plastic and he’d be a hit among both kids and collectors who go ape for toys that look like Jolly Ranchers. Mmm… raspberry.
6. Ultron
And why not? This undying adamantium abomination is about to headline his own movie (I think the Avengers are in it, too), so it’s prime time for him to get the Titan treatment. And while a movie version of ol’ tin-head is a lock, it’s Ultron’s classic form that might be of interest to the Marvel Legends collector. A foot-tall take on the homicidal robot would add to the Ultron army collectors have slowly been amassing over the years. And while a giant Ultron may not exactly be canon in the MU, I’d argue that that he’d still make more sense than that Legendary Riders figure. As a Titan Hero — strike that, a Titan Villain — Ultron would look great towering over your other Avengers figures or scrappin’ with his oversized pappy Hank Pym. Heck, Hasbro could pop him into a 2-pack with the above Giant-Man and call it good.
5. Groot
A no-brainer, right? The Big G is a fan-favorite, but not every fan had the 130+ clams needed to complete the Guardians of the Galaxy Build-a-Figure. And that’s where Titan Heroes comes in. Honestly, I had to look to make sure the line hadn’t already done him — it seemed so obvious. A no-frills take on Planet X’s bark-embossed ambassador would provide an affordable toy for the kids, offer a stop-gap figure for 6-inch collectors, and make a great base for customizers to tweak out. It’s a win/win/win! Wait, is that scientifically possible? I guess when we’re talking about a walking tree we can let that sort of thing slide. Anyway, this one’s a mulligan; with Guardians raking in 80-bajillion dollars and a sequel on the way in 2017, more Groot is a given. Let’s just hope it happens sooner rather than later.
I AM GROOT! and I approve this message.
4. Eternity
Sure, I’ll admit it — even the most basic plastic manifestation of the cosmic being Eternity as represented in comics should stand more than 12 inches tall, but let’s face facts, friend: that ain’t happening. A design like his is outside of Hasbro’s current wheelhouse and Marvel Select is too busy making Jane Foster figures nobody wants to bother with “niche” characters like this cornerstone of the Marvel Universe (sigh). I guess it’s up to Titan Heroes to make it happen. Hey, before you dismiss the idea, see their figure of Eternity as it could be: with some clever design and paint elements, this admittedly abstract offering could actually work in 3D. While a figure that basic might not an ideal choice for the more literal-minded among us, it’s this sort of outside-the-carton thinking that could make Titan Heroes more than just a kiddie line. C’mon, for $10 you know you’d buy one. Hell, I’d buy you one — just to get you on board.
Disclaimer: I will not buy you one just to get you on board.
3. The Watcher
To paraphrase Sheriff Brody, “We’re gonna need a bigger box.” Because Uatu’s head — it’s huge. Like, hamburger mascot huge. Think omnipotent Charlie Brown with a poet’s physique and you’d have the Titan Heroes Watcher. I know, it sounds weird, but when you think about it, visually this cosmic Peeping Tom is just a slightly more upbeat version of a Monster High doll, so he should fit right in with all the other weird crap Target is selling to our kids. And hey, the poor bastard just had his eyeballs ripped out a few months back. If anyone deserves a pity figure, it’s Uatu. Just don’t tell him I said that — aw, crud, he already knows! Never mind.
Personally, I maintain that kids love weird stuff like this and Marvel’s version of the stage manager of Grover’s Corners would sell big numbers, but I have been known to kill toy lines before, so maybe we should just move on. I know I have. There’s no way I’m giving Mattel $30 for another badly-painted Green Lantern just because this one has question marks on it.
2. Stature
Wait, female action figures don’t sell at retail.
Never mind, nothing to see here. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.
Are they gone? Good.
Being a collector as well as a father, I like to show my 2-year-old daughter the baby dolls and the action figures on our trips to the toy store. it would be nice if she could see something of herself reflected in the super-powered offerings on the other side of the aisle. With Marvel’s recent media push of female characters like Black Widow, Captain Marvel, and Thor (!), it’s high time some gals showed up in Titan Heroes. The Young Avenger’s Stature may be a newer character, but she’s highly visible in Marvel’s comic universe, and her ties to an upcoming Ant-related film star certainly couldn’t hurt her chances of inclusion.
The long and the short of it is Titan Heroes was conceived as a line for kids, not adult collectors. (John T. Marshall, come home!), so why is this adult coming along to try and ruin their fun? I guess there’s something of a “having my cake and eating it too” attitude when it comes to superhero toys. When I see potential, I can’t help but to butt in because, hey, I’ve got a lot of ideas! And I work cheap! Hasbro, call me!
(Ahem.)
In the end, even though they’re not marketed to me, I’m happy the Titan Heroes exist. They’re cheap, easy to find and the line has no shortage of future characters to choose from. You know, kind of like how our toys used to be!
That’s it! Goodnight, folks, I’ll see ya in the… what? One more? Oh for…
*1. Anyone but Iron Man
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Jason R Mink is the Man in the Anthill!