There are some characters and concepts that are so purely “comic book” that their inclusion in any self-respecting comic-book-based line should be a no-brainer. Unfortunately, that is not the case for a vast amount of characters who are resigned to live in an existential limbo unloved by the plastic gods that breathe life into PVC and ABS. But among this number there are none so relevant to the cause as a giant, teleporting dog.
Go ahead, pretend this is Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood and say that with me: a giant, teleporting dog. With a tuning fork on his head, no less.
Lockjaw debuted a long long time ago in Fantastic Four #45. His creation is credited to Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, but there’s probably more Jack than Stan in him. His function in the story is more plot element than character, but over the years he has grown an identity, a character, and a following separate from his Inhumans roots, even going so far as to headline his own title along with a few other Pet Avengers. And writing that sentence I realize I still have not read those comics. I really should do something about it.
But grabbing the headline of a comic means that he falls under my ONE RULE OF TOYS, which is if you have at any time had your own title, you deserve your own figure.
And this is all despite the fact that “Lockjaw wave” has a great ring to it. I don’t care who’s in the wave. They could all be movie figures — something I don’t care about in the slightest — and I’d buy the entire wave just to put together a Lockjaw. Or Marvel Select could finally unclench and pump out a finely crafted version that would outsell anything and everything they’ve ever put out. That is a fact backed up by science.
My ideal release of Lockjaw would be through some random venue that would allow for a Thing/Lockjaw 2-pack, featuring a newly sculpted Thing figure that would later be released in a Fantastic Four wave featuring brand new versions of the fantastic Four in their blue and black costumes. While Lockjaw is an Inhuman by default, I’ve always really enjoyed the interaction and relationship between the Thing and Lockjaw that has been touched on various times including the all-too-brief Thing solo series written by Dan Slott. The ending of that title remains one of the greatest bummers of all time, but the pairing of Lockjaw and Thing was inspired and seemed like it would lead to plenty of fun adventures. But oh well.
Regardless, I know that those of you who truly understand the appeal of Lockjaw are nodding your heads and wondering aloud how he has managed to remain just out of reach of Legends or Select status. And those who don’t understand, well, you never will, and that’s a damn shame.
As it is, Lockjaw’s action figure realities are contained within the customizing world, where plenty of skilled customizers have taken it upon themselves to tackle the challenge of crafting an oversized dog from nothing. And I mean nothing, because there’s no ready-made body that can be nudged into a Lockjaw with paint and apoxie. There’s sweat and blood behind the crafting of any Lockjaw.
There’s a shift happening, though. A talking raccoon is currently in a movie raking in a bajillion dollars, and that’s a concept that small-minded people may once have scoffed at. With an Inhumans movie being talked about, maybe a Lockjaw action figure isn’t a complete impossibility. Maybe one day we could be suffocating under such an embarrassment of Lockjaw riches we’ll forget there was ever a time when he wasn’t a beloved household name. Imagine a Lockjaw Marvel Legend AND Select AND a high-end Hot Toys version all vying for our money.
Lockjaw is an inevitability.
Lockjaw is.