Marvel Legends, as both a toyline and a concept, has been going on for more than a decade. That’s a long time for a line of superhero toys. In that time we’ve gotten plenty of figures, a lot of variations of the same character, and some very welcome oddballs. Some characters have been attempted but haven’t had their definitive versions, while others have been nailed perfectly the first time and never need to be addressed again.
But Gladiator?
Nothing.
Not a peep.
He’s even soared to glorious heights in several Fwoosh top ten polls, breaking into the top ten a couple of times.
But nothing.
Nada.
You bastards.
Now, granted, this may be due to the fact that there’s never been a body capable of capturing his gloriousness. Bullseye and his knockoffs would have sucked. Face off Punisher and his knock offs would have sucked. Even some variation of Face off Sabretooth would have sucked — a lesser version of sucking, since that body had a bit more of the qualities inherent in Gladiator’s majesty, but in hindsight… not quite perfect.
To do him perfect we need a new body. Something a bit taller than the Bucky Cap body, but a bit thinner than the Hyperion body. Something fittingly Supermannish but Marvel-ized, sleek, with no cuffs or gloves or anything, just a basic, blank body. On the upside, that body could be reused for many, many characters. Chief among them would be a brand new Silver Surfer because those have sucked also.
Here’s five reasons why special consideration needs to be paid to Gladiator.
Juggernaut’s punches barely tickle him.
I’m not really one to use cartoons as proof of anything when a comic can do the job, but as up and down as the X-Men cartoon could be in storyline quality, they occasionally had some pretty cool moments, and face it — it was an awesome moment. Juggernaut’s a pretty strong dude, and one of my favorite villains ever. And when he punches something, they stay punched. Nothing stops the Juggernaut — except the burly chest of our favorite mohawked spaceman. Juggernaut punches Gladiator, and it’s as if a regular person punched a brick wall. The wall’s not going anywhere. Then Gladiator picked up Juggernaut and threw him into the ocean or something. And Professor X was all, “That’s for the molestation!” And it got really creepy after that.
He punched the Thing through about a billion cars and then tossed him through the Baxter building and then slammed a bus on top of him and also decked Franklin Richards. Oh and he PICKED UP THE BAXTER BUILDING WHATTHEFU?!?!?
Fantastic Four #249 is one of my favorite comics and features a spectacular fight between Gladiator and the Thing. Now, the Thing is one of my favorite heroes (sense a theme here?), and when it’s clobbering time, that usually means some bad guy is about to get a rocky fist upside his head. But was the Gladiator clobbered? Oh no, no he wasn’t. Instead, he taught the Thing a valuable lesson and caused multiple insurance companies to sweat.
And then he hit Franklin Richards.
Because the little bitch better recognize.
He’s Superman in the Marvel Universe
OK, maybe technically not really since there are some vast differences between the two, but as far as power set and strength level, Gladiator is tied with Hyperion for most Superman-like. So when Gladiator is pitted against somebody in the Marvel Universe, it’s essentially as if Superman is fighting them. Of course, Gladiator has lost plenty of fights he shouldn’t have lost because of the crutch of his belief-based powers, but we know the truth. Gladiator essentially has the bronze age Superman’s power level. That’s some hardcore supershizz.
A friend of a friend once told me that Gladiator punched out Galactus, and it must be true because it was on CNN.
Cosmic is in
Now is the perfect time for Gladiator. Thanos has appeared in a real life Avengers movie, the Guardians of the friggin’ Galaxy are getting their own movie, the Man of Steel is getting a rebooted movie — outerspace and the people that live out there is hotter than ever and the time is right to capitalize on all these signs. If that’s a flimsy reason, then you’re a flimsy reason!
He’s had a five-incher and a four-incher. He needs a six.
Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?
No, really, he had a toy back in the five-inch days (which I loved), he got his own little Marvel Universe figure (which I love despite it being on an articulation-hampered body), so it’s time he got his due in the six-inch scale. I’m surprised they never made him as an icon since they’re apparently just be-bopping and scatting all around the one scale I’ve wanted him in since Legends began.
Just do it Hasbro. Make the body, make the man. It’s for the good of the world.