I don’t have an Archie Andrews action figure. Nor do I have a Reggie, nor Jughead, nor Betty and Veronica. Something about this fact gnaws at me, chews at my internals like some kind of intestinal parasite with a long complicated name that I would have to look up. This is a gaping hole in my collection that must be rectified. It needs a toy line!
Archie comics were among my first exposure to comics, before I had even heard of Marvel or DC. Later, as the wider world of comics opened up to me, I still regularly collected the Double Digests that littered the checkout aisles of the supermarket; that last chance 256 page heaping helping of Archie that mom would toss on the slow moving belt when I batted my baby browns at her.
This year is the 70th anniversary of Pep Comics #22, the first appearance of most of the Riverdale guys and gals. And in all that time, they haven’t received the toyline they deserve. Sure, they’ve had dolls, they’ve had plush figures and bobbleheads and stuff like that, but not a nice, fully articulated toyline. It needs one!
There’s the staples of course: Archie Reggie Jughead Betty and Veronica. That would be the core group that have enough distinctive looks to sustain multiple iterations of figures throughout successive lines. Each era brought different fashions, which brought slight tweaks to their looks, from the 50’s and Archie’s checkered pants, the poodle skirts and Betty and Veronica, to the 60’s when the gang got hippified, to the 70’s and onwards. Then there’s the suited versions for either their british invasion-esque Archies appearances or when the gang were secret agents working for P.O.P. against the forces of C.R.U.S.H.
Sweet plastic baby jeebus I’m getting all antsy for this line that doesn’t exist!
On top of that there’s the super-hero version of each character: Archie as Pureheart, Juggie as Captain Hero, Betty as Superteen, Reggie as Evilheart, Veronica as Miss Vanity. And since they were at the beach regularly, there could be swimsuit versions of each character as well. If you really start to list them out it starts growing and growing, and I haven’t even gotten to the extended cast.
But I will, right now…
There’s Big Moose and his girl Midge, Big Ethel, Dilton Doiley, Chuck Clayton Mr. Weatherbee, Ms. Grundy, Pop Tate (who could reuse some of the weatherbee body since they’re both gentlemen of some girth), Sabrina the Teen witch, the parents including Mr. Lodge and Archie’s long suffering mom and dad…I could go on and on. Seriously, I want them all. Even the Svenson the janitor and the Miss Beazley the lunchlady. Cranky old ladies make the best toys, according to the focus group I just conducted.
Fully articulated, fully accessorized…they could even release a build-a-Betsy, Archie’s broken down Jalopy. And one version of Jughead would have to come with Hot Dog.
Is this line out yet?
After so long, with such a legacy behind it and an undoubtedly long one ahead of it, it’s about time they got the action figure respect they were due. And the best part is posing Archie and the Punisher together for that time when they met.
Oh yeah. That’s the stuff.