With the deep breath the the heaving bosom of Toyfair now over, fwooshers are gnawing the bones of the
revelations that showed up pixel by pixel. Afterglow has commenced. Flushed skin and drying sweat.
The Microverse:
It seems despite a massive anti-tinytoy contingent, the 4 inch Iron Man movie figures were quite popular.
If the Marvel Universe figures had this level of shownmanship right away, I wonder what people would be
saying now. Instead we paid for Hasbro’s learning curve and resentment set in. Sidenote: this learning
curve thing…you’re professionals. Toys aren’t that hard. The end.
Either way, the 4 inch toys are looking good. Akatsuki’s going to be drowning in Iron Men. Tiny Iron Men.
PLus there’s a Juggernaut that actually looks good coming.
Despite this, there remains ill will. The revelation of the upcoming two packs put only a small band-aid
on the gaping wound that people feel Hasbro gave them. It’s not enough, they say. We want them now, they
say. Release them all, they say. Is my asparagus done, they say.
But they’re retooled!
Plus there was a surprise Winter Soldier. In a costume he’ll likely never wear again. TOPICAL. In five
years we’ll get Bucky in the current cap costume. Which will be one year before Extremis Armor Iron Man.
In conclusion, Hasbro doesn’t have calendars.
The Multiverse:
Wave 14 was shown, along with a Guy Gardner, which has elicited the trademark “mixed reactions” that
Fwooshers are so very fwooshy about. A five pack to get one new character? PFAHWAH!?!?! GAWFHAW??!?!
GREATGATSBY??!?!!?
Others are looking forward to the additions. And still another contingent is too busy being shocked to
really have an opinion about anything. HUHWHAPLAKAH?!?!?!?
Then there’s Wave 15. Oh wave 15. Nobody knows who you are, rumors swirling everywhere, vague
uncertainties, possible half-substantiated lists, but nothing official. Even when I have them in my hand
I’m going to be looking at them with one eyebrow cocked, waiting for official Mattel confirmation that I’m
actually holding what I’m holding in my hands. I’ve been tricked before. Like that one time I thought I
was buying a Captain Cold but I actually bought crescent wrench. Just stupid. Crescent wrench was in wave
8.
Fwoosher StjJames has acquired wave 13 from ebay. After making a camera from spare parts and moss,
pictures were finally posted. Now everyone who said ‘WORST WAVE EVER’ is now saying ‘BEST WAVE EVER.’ Orsomething a little less enthusiastic. But still.
There’s a Toys R Us Exclusive Batman. Without an oval.
The Expanded Universe:
Destroying the concept of time itself, Battle Cat and Trap Jaw sold out so quickly the sound of their
digital disappearance was captured in the background of Alexander Graham Bell’s first phone call. You can
hear the slight “pop” right when Graham Bell asked Watson what he was wearing.
This disgruntled fwooshers. As I’m typing this fwooshers are still trying to reattach most of their
gruntles. However, they will be going back up for sale in the fall. How this helps anybody now nobody
knows. Not like we can travel in time. Well, actually we all can, one second at a time. But not in big
chunks. However, Fwoosher Marty McFly (notanactualfwoosher) disappeared shortly after the announcement.
Pabs grew so rageshaken he bought a bunch of robots.
That’s how the endtimes happen, folks. Toys this time. Next time…
People aren’t quite content with the pacing of the Ghostbusters line, the Toyfair-shown Labcoat Ray not
being such a scintillating choice of character. A similar complaint arose in the short-lived toyline for
Ishtar. Apparently there’s a warehouse somewhere filled with toys of “extra #3”.
A new Vintage Line from Star Wars means George Lucas may stick his hand back into my pocket again. Even
stranger is that he knows my wallet’s not back there.
Orko’s coming in 2010, according to Toyguru. I personally didn’t even know he had genitalia.
Mo-Larr is a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation for Mattel. But have you ever seen anybody on
Eternia brush their teeth?
The Bar With No Name:
Hasbro vs. Mattel and 6 inch versus 4 inch has got nothing on PC versus Mac. Which is way less interesting
than PC and Mac versus Steamroller. The quality of the internet porn’s the same on both anyway.
The end. KUHPWAHHH??!?!!
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