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The Complete Thought Process/Inner Monologue Over Whether Or Not I Need This Ghost Rider Haslab

350 dollars?

That’s the price of four Marvel Legends figures!


So it’s not Johnny? It’s not Danny? It’s Robbie?

They drive now.

It’s been 8 years, he’s been driving for quite a while.

So are we still doing the “Ghost Driver” thing.

No. It’s played out.

Your face is played out.

Maybe I don’t need this.

But I do like flaming heads.

Maybe I do.

Ok. Let’s say I get it. Where will I put a 1/12th scale car? I already need to find a space for Galactimacus.

Maybe I can skip it.

But you know they’re going to make Danny and the 90s Hellcycle. You’ve already got Johnny and the Cosmic Ghost Rider. You know you’ll want all of them. You like flaming heads!

Yeah, but 350 dollars is the price of three Marvel Legends figures!

But tiers!


Tiers! It’s how they got you to buy Galactose.

Nova and Morg held captive behind Galactalite’s giant booty, you mean?

Yeah, it’s why you kind of hate Haslabs.

I know. I wanted the Rancor Keeper but I don’t really need a Rancor. And I love the Rancor. But I don’t need a Rancor. But Rancor Keeper? That fat bastard works on his own. This business of having to pay a lot for regular sized characters is grating. And people seem to want more tiers. I want less.

It’s the whole point. Carrot and stick. Wait, is that right? Carrot and stick? Am I metaphoring right?

I don’t know, it’s still a lot of money.

350 dollars.

That’s like two Marvel Le—

Ok ok we get it, toys are expensive, har-har, find some new material.

Ok, so let’s say I pass on the car and the guy with the flaming head.

Oh hey, look, the other figure is regular Robbie.

Well, that doesn’t really do it for me. Maybe I can skip, and hang on to my money. I don’t really truly need a Hellcharger OH SHIT MEPHISTO.

Well dammit, I do want a Mephisto. I want Mephisto more than I do Robbie Rider. He’s like…everyone’s villain.

So, you’ll pay 350 just to get Mephisto?

Well, no, I’d be getting the car and the dude. And if they’re tossing in Mephisto, who else might they toss in.

So we’re back to the tiers.

Yeah, the carrots.

I still don’t know if you’re doing that right.


Because now you’re the idiot goat that doesn’t know how to make his own garden or something.

A garden of…Hellchargers?


Well, regardless, if they’re tossing in something cool like Mephisto, then maybe something else cool is coming.

I though you said that the initial thing was supposed to be enough. No more tiers. Like that Ozzy song.

I don’t think that was it.

No, he was talking about backing the Haslab, but not wanting to pay extra for the devil. Hand in the bush or something.

I thought that song was about shampoo.

Look, you keep whinetalking about expense, but if they add in more figures, doesn’t that mean the total cost goes down?

No, it stays 350, moron.

Yeah, but it’s not 350 for a dude and his car. It’s 350 for a dude and his car, Mephisto and…other characters.

Other characters that I’d rather just buy in regular waves.

You’ll end up spending more than this on toys in the next three months.

Yes, but to rebut…screw you.

“That’s 2023’s problem!” you say, and preorder like a madman.

And then the toys come out the next month. Do dates mean nothing anymore?!

Well, the good thing is you can preorder this thing, the money comes out, and you don’t have to think about it ever again. And there might be more characters included. You’ve got until October somethingsomething.

You keep saying that. More characters. More characters. I have the Marvel Select Mephisto. Isn’t that enough?

He’s wrinkly.

There’s no ironing in hell. It’s a dry heat.

And anyway, you ordered Galactaid because of Nova and Morg.

Well I do like Galactapus.

Not triple digits worth.

I passed on the Sentinel. I was strong. I stayed firm.

Because Bastion wasn’t enough to make you buy. But Nova and Morg were enough to make you buy Galactrolicious, and Mephisto and whomever else will be enough to make you buy this.

So we’re back to tiers.

Yeah. To quote one David Chappelle…”Got ya, bitch.”

He probably wasn’t the first person to say that.

Say, off topic but on topic, how much would you pay for a Goose Rider?

…a disturbing amount. But he’d better get articulated legs.

Maybe he’ll be a tier.

You know next year will be the 40th Anniversary of Goose Rider’s first appearance?


I need to go lie down.

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